


My Captain, My Love

by pandariia



Series: AoT: Behind the Walls, Beyond the Walls [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action & Romance, Angst, Angst and Romance, Complete, Dominant Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, My First Fanfic, My First Smut, Protective Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad and Happy, Slow Burn, Smut, Worth Re-Reading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-02-18 14:08:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 81,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21895258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandariia/pseuds/pandariia
Summary: My Captain, My Love follows the story of a young woman named Mila Brandt and Captain Levi of the Survey Corps. Living amongst the darkest days humanity has seen, both Mila and Captain Levi struggle to keep their emotions in check. However, even in the darkest times, love will always find a way to flourish.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: AoT: Behind the Walls, Beyond the Walls [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2091984
Comments: 55
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After years of keeping her feelings for Captain Levi under wraps, Mila is faced with a challenge far tougher than killing Titans. He's said her name in a familiar way, and it made her feel...happy. There's just one problem, Petra's in love with the Captain as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12/2020: Hello lovely readers, just a quick announcement. This was the first ever fic I published and I feel that, though it has been a short time, my writing skill has improved. For those of you who have already read this or are reading this for the first time, I want to let you know that there are changes coming. I wanted to flesh this story out into something better than the crap it currently sits at. So here's the first update for the first chapter. Hope you enjoy!

The sound of horses neighing outside Mila's window stirred her from a fitful sleep. Mila groaned and threw a pillow over her head, trying to force herself back to sleep for at least a few more minutes. After hours of Squad Leader Hanji's debrief, she had finally gotten some rest early that morning. Not that it made much of a difference. Sleep was rare for soldiers, especially those in the Scout Regiment. 

Hanji was always intense about everything, especially Titans. Not only did she go on and on about the exciting opportunities surrounding Eren Jaeger's Titan Powers, she went off-topic at least four times. Oluo and Gunther had fallen asleep during one of her tangents and she had flipped them both off their chairs. The thought made Mila chuckle, but only briefly. She only hoped that the rest of the Squad was just as tired as her, maybe then the Captain would take it easy on them.

Sighing deeply, Mila forced herself out of bed, did her morning stretches and finally got dressed. No doubt the rest of the Squad was already well into their breakfast and going over the itinerary for the day. The new recruits were due to arrive and Squad Levi had been tasked with cleaning the old fort they now called home. Normally, that wouldn't have been a problem, however, Captain Levi's standards of cleanliness have proven time and time again that a small chore such as sweeping could take an entire day.

Mila followed the sound of chatter to a small dining hall and plopped down on a hard wooden chair next to Petra, picking up the cup of coffee Eld had placed on her spot. She lifted the mug to her nose and inhaled the delicious scent of extra strong dark roast.

"Thanks, Eld," she said, taking a sip of the creamy liquid. He always knew how she liked her coffee. "I'm definitely going to need this today."

Petra chuckled and took a sip from her own cup. "Hanji sure does love her debriefings, huh?"

Mila groaned, leaned back in her chair and dramatically put an arm across her eyes. "Tell me about it."

Five years ago, Captain Levi created the Special Ops Squad or Squad Levi as they’d been dubbed. Before Mila joined, there were only five members. Eld Jinn, the Captain’s Second in Command, a tall, muscular man with long blonde hair tied back into a bun and scruff on his face. There was Petra Ral, a short blonde woman with big brown eyes and a compassionate heart. Gunther Schultz, who was slightly tanned with dark hair and dark eyes. Then there was Oluo Bozado who had a much older appearance despite being the same age as the rest of the squad. He had slightly curly brown hair styled in an undercut and small, squinty eyes. He also had the bad habit of trying to imitate Captain Levi thinking it would win him points with the ladies. 

Finally, that left the captain himself. Captain Levi always wore a bored or indifferent expression on his face. His raven hair was styled into an undercut and he had intense, deep-set gray eyes. He was extremely popular with both men and women and was highly respected throughout the ranks. Though, the only way he had cultivated that respect was through hard work. His skill was unsurpassed, even Commander Erwin didn't come close. The only unthreatening quality the Captain possessed was his height. It wasn't until a pile of Titan corpses lay around him that people felt intimidated.

Mila joined the squad a year after they were founded. She had been approached by the Captain immediately after pledging the Scouts. She had graduated toward the top of her class, and her combat skills were commended by the instructors along with her tactical knowledge. However, before she was officially inducted into the squad, she had to prove her skills against  _ live _ Titans. She was placed into an environment with multiple foes of differing heights and threat levels then assessed on her problem-solving skills and reflexes. It was a tough exercise but she prevailed and was given a place in the squad.

When she first started out, Mila was cold and withdrawn. She thought back to the first day she joined Squad Levi. The captain had basically forced her to have dinner with the rest of them. When she first met Petra, Oluo, Gunther, and Eld she thought them to be idealistic and immature. Granted, at the time she was just as idealistic and immature as them, but she wouldn't admit it. While sitting at the table with them, they all talked over each other and asked her all sorts of questions. Mila was overwhelmed by their eagerness to invite her into their tight-knit group. After fending for herself most of her life, their immediate acceptance made her weary. She had vowed to keep her distance in order to not get too attached or too comfortable. After all, if they were to die in the line of duty and she’d grown too attached, it would only hurt all the more. 

At the time, the only thing she had in common with the rest of the group was the desire to venture outside the Walls. They all had grandiose ideas about the world and what lay beyond the horizon. Captain Levi, however, didn’t share in that desire, he was more interested in eradicating the Titans. After a rocky start in which Mila had told everyone in the Squad she had no desire to get to know them, the Captain told her that teamwork was mandatory if she wanted to remain. Mila had reluctantly agreed to play by his rules insofar as she would assist with kills and watch their backs. It wasn't until she was almost killed by a 10-meter Variant Titan during a routine run outside Wall Sina that she truly bonded with the squad.

Mila had broken formation trying to take down smaller foes and ran out of gas. She was forced to keep running or perish. As she ran, she tripped on a broken beam and hit the ground hard, breaking her ankle in the process. Eld and Petra spotted her and were able to distract the Titan long enough for the Captain to take it out. He tore Mila a new one that day, and made her retrieve her horse on foot (against Petra's wishes). After that, Mila and the squad built a deep bond based on mutual trust and no small amount of blood.

As Eld brought Mila another cup of coffee, Oluo sat down across from Petra. He crossed his legs in a perfect imitation of the Captain. "If it were me, I'd tell old Four-Eyes to shut the hell up."

Petra shook her head and smirked at Oluo. "Whatever," she answered, taking a sip of her tea. “Like you’d say that to her face. You don’t have the balls."

Oluo scoffed, blushing slightly. "I ain't afraid of Hanji, she could--"

"Could what?" Hanji's voice rang out through the room and the squad stood up from their seats, feeling guilty. Hanji Zoe wore glasses, had light brown eyes and long reddish hair that she kept in a messy ponytail. She was extremely bright, extremely tough, and extremely strange. Captain Levi often joked that she was a Variant Titan in disguise.

Oluo gulped and stammered, "You could, er, could…." His face flushed red and he stood at attention. "Take me along to help you on one of your experiments."

Hanji leaned in close, nose to nose with Oluo, a dangerous expression on her face. "I suppose you'd like me to experiment on you?"

Oluo gulped again, while the rest of the squad tried to hold back their laughter at the expression on his face. Eld stared down at his breakfast while Gunther bit the inside of his cheek. Mila and Petra nudged each other knowingly, keeping their eyes fixed on the scene unfolding before them.

"Kidding," Hanji chuckled, taking a seat at the table and giving him a wide smile. "I'll send Levi the paperwork for your transfer in the morning. I could definitely use more help."

The laughter Mila, Eld, Petra, and Gunther had tried to hold back leaked out of them in small giggles and snorts. Hanji was joking, and the Captain would never agree but the expression on Oluo's face was priceless. The threat of transfer was sure to keep his mouth shut for at least a few minutes.

"Anyway," Hanji said, lifting Eld's cup of coffee out of his hands and taking a sip. "As soon as you're all done here, you really should get cleaning. You know how Levi gets." She smiled into her cup, taking another sip and giving them a knowing smile. 

Eld rolled his blue eyes, grabbing a clean mug and pouring himself a new cup of coffee. "Whatever we don't get done on time, the recruits will finish when they get here."

Mila smiled and finished her own cup. "Those poor kids are going to have a rude awakening."

Petra laughed and nodded in agreement. "Remember when Captain Levi did a surprise inspection and found a stash of dirty newsprints under Oluo’s bed?"

"Didn't he throw them into the fire?" Mila asked, chuckling.

“A man has needs.” Oluo's cheeks burned red again as the squad and Hanji let out a thunderous laugh. He crossed his arms. "And don’t forget, he got into Eld's stash as well. Yours too Gunther."

The guys went silent, bashful expressions on their faces. Mila's eyes filled with tears at the memory of Eld, Gunther, and Oluo lurching guiltily as the short Captain reprimanded them. Hanji, Petra, and her doubled over laughing as the guys frowned and shoveled food into their mouths.

Suddenly, and without a sound, Captain Levi appeared with Eren right on his heels. All the laughter came to a stop as he looked around coldly, his dull gray eyes making contact with everyone in the room.

"Did I miss something?" His voice was bored and expressionless. His usual tone.

Everyone just stared at the Captain, the laughter gone. Though Petra and Mila exchanged knowing glances that almost got them going again.

"Clear out," he ordered. "The brats will be here in a couple of hours. You all should’ve been done already.”

At that, everyone, except Hanji, stood and cleaned up their spots on the table to start off the laborious task of cleaning the castle for the thousandth time.

Petra, Mila, and Eren were relegated to the barracks, sweeping, dusting and mopping the dingy floors. Gunther, Eld, and Oluo cleaned all the windows inside and out along with the latrines. Hanji (conveniently) left the castle to report to Commander Erwin, thus leaving Captain Levi to micro-manage every aspect of the cleaning process. After a couple of years under his command, the squad knew what he would be looking for and always completed chores to his specifications. Unfortunately today, Captain Levi was on a warpath and had them clean the castle more than once as punishment for lollygagging at breakfast.

Just as they finished, the sound of hooves on dirt caught their attention, and Captain Levi ordered them to muster by the stables. The recruits approached, being led by Officer Dita Ness. Young Eren ran over to meet his comrades as Captain Levi looked on. It was clear the kid was excited to see his comrades again. The last time he’d seen them was at his court hearing when Captain Levi beat the living shit out of him.

Eld was surprised to see how many recruits the Scouts had gained. He nudged Mila, leaning down to whisper in her ear. 

“Maybe there's hope yet," he said with a slight chuckle. "You think the Captain will kick anyone out?"

Mila studied the recruits, singling out a short boy with a buzz cut and a vacant expression. "Don't know. They all survived Trost, so they may be worth their salt."

"Let's hope they survive Captain Levi next," he joked. 

Mila felt her spirits rise at the turnout they had received. No one ever wanted to pledge to the Scouts. Most soldiers aspired to join the Military Police and escape to the interior to live a cushy life, but only the top ten cadets could choose that path. The rest were free to join the Scouts or the Garrison. Most joined the Garrison where they felt they would be safe and wouldn’t have to engage with Titans. Before Captain Levi joined the Scouts and Commander Erwin took over, the Regiment was considered to be a joke amongst the military factions. However, even after their hard earned success in the past five years, the Regiment still received a small number of recruits.

Captain Levi called everyone to attention and gave a cheerful little speech. "Alright brats, today we assess your skills. You will meet your leaders in a few moments. Give it your all or you're out." 

With that, he broke the recruits up into teams: Oluo and Petra took a group, Gunther and Eld another, and finally, Mila and Captain Levi took theirs. The drills and training were just a formality, a little something the older officers liked to do with new recruits, as a right of passage. It wasn’t as if the Scouts were in a position to turn people away, there was just so little in the way of entertainment. 

Mila remained stoic as Captain Levi ran drills and gave tests. She knew his scare tactics well and kept her distance if only to intimidate the new recruits just a little. As the drills continued, she eventually smiled and gave one-on-one demonstrations. By the end of the day, she had grown to like quite a few of the newbies and was impressed with the knowledge and skill they possessed too soon.

"That’s all for today!" Called Captain Levi. "Dita Ness will bring around your new uniforms. Wear them well."

At that, the recruits scattered to line up before the balding man. After receiving their new cloaks and jackets, they were dismissed to the castle to bathe and prepare for a well-deserved meal.

"Good work Brandt,” Captain Levi said, giving her a nod. 

He always called Mila by her last name. She noticed he said everyone else's first name but hers, and it bothered her to a small degree. Was she not worthy of the same respect? Was it because she came along a year later? Mila wasn't sure why he kept her at a distance, but she tried not to let it bother her. Still, even after four years at his side, it made her bristle.

"Thank you, sir," she said, feeling her heart skip a beat.

It was known amongst the women of the Regiment, and some of the men, that Captain Levi was a very eligible bachelor. Couple that with his good looks and irrefutable strength and he had many admirers. Most everyone had a crush on Captain Levi, especially Petra, but Mila refused to partake in such silly and fleeting emotions. She admired the Captain for all his ambitions to save humanity, his courage, and his strength and hoped that someday she would match him. But his praise made a small part of her surge with something she didn't even want to think about.

As they walked back to the castle, Captain Levi took out a handkerchief and wiped down his flesh paring blades. "In your opinion, did you notice any recruits with above average skill?" He asked.

"Mikasa Ackerman sir, young Eren's friend. She showed great skill with her blades and the ODM gear. Armin Arlett as well, he has a great mind and passed the tests easily.” Mila walked beside the Captain with her hands behind her back. “I would also venture to say that Sasha Braus and Jean Kirstien show great promise as well.”

The Captain nodded. "I agree. Ackerman is well versed in combat and Arlett has a sharp mind." He gave Mila a look. "We have a few good recruits just in time for the next mission."

They made it back to the castle, but before Mila could go to her quarters and clean up, Captain Levi extended an arm out to stop her from heading in.

"Listen." His voice still sounded bored and his eyes were lifeless as he regarded her. "I expect you to get these brats trained and ready."

_ Okay? _ Mila thought to herself. She didn't know why he felt the need to make that clear. They'd already gone over their roles regarding training. 

She kept herself from making a face and nodded instead. "Of course, sir." She pushed his arm down, walking up the steps into the castle. "If you would excuse me, sir."

"I didn't dismiss you, Brandt, " he said in a cold voice.

Mila turned to face him and stood at attention. "I'm sorry sir. Was there something else you needed?"

There was a shadow of a smirk on the Captain’s lips before it formed back into his usual scowl. "Just making sure that you're clear on your duties, Mila." He put away the handkerchief he’d been using and regarded her with those cold eyes.

Her heart skipped another beat as he said her first name. "Er, yes sir. May I be dismissed?"

Captain Levi’s eyes glinted with something unrecognizable. "Dismissed. See you at dinner."

With that, he disappeared into the castle leaving Mila entirely confused. 

He’d just said her name. __

She couldn’t wrap her head around it. She was sure the Captain was well aware that saying a person’s first name meant familiarity that then led to affection and then….She shook her head and forced herself to relax. Captain Levi said everyone's first name. Still, the way he’d said hers made her feel a little bit pleased. Again, she shook her head and scowled then hit the showers.

After cleaning up, she joined the rest of the squad at their table in the mess hall. Some recruits chattered excitedly about their first day while others ate in silence. Mila was silent at dinner too. Stupidly, she’d convinced herself that she was upset at the Captain’s lapse of propriety and boundaries. It was either that, or obsess over the fact that the man she admired from afar had said her first name after years of using her surname. It affected Mila more than she wanted to admit. She finally focused on Oluo's whining. Apparently he was complaining about the fact that the recruits weren’t treating him with respect.

“You’re not the Captain,” Gunther answered in response to Oluo’s complaints. He took another bite of his bread. “What did you expect? For them to praise the ground you walk on just because you’re in Squad Levi?”

“Tch.” Oluo sat back in his seat and crossed his arms. “Is that too much to ask? We’re the ones who’ve been working hard for the past five years keeping their asses safe.”

“You’re hopeless.” Gunther rolled his eyes and continued to eat.

Petra glanced over at Mila and nudged her. "Hey, you okay? You're a little quiet tonight."

Mila smiled sheepishly, finishing up her last spoonful of stew. "Yeah, I'm just tired. What with Hanji's debrief and today's training I just wanna pass out."

Petra didn't seem convinced but didn’t prod at the subject anymore, and for that Mila was grateful. The girl always seemed to know when something was going on in someone’s head. Mila knew that Petra could see through the tired excuse. She had a feeling Petra would be by to see her later to find out what was really going on.

"Oi, Mila," Oluo called, his voice taking on an annoying quality. "What's eating you?"

Mila rolled her eyes and sat up. "I'm tired of listening to you talk. If you kept your mouth shut and your eyes open while we’re in the field, you’d have more kills. Maybe then, the new recruits would respect you.” She gave Oluo a shit-eating grin. “I'm going to turn in early. Try not to choke on your tongue on your way to bed."

Oluo started to say something back but he couldn’t formulate a good comeback. Instead, he just scoffed. The others laughed into their stew, rolling their eyes. 

Captain Levi's gray gaze met Mila's as she stood from the banquette. The annoyance she'd felt toward him doubled in that moment and she forced herself to walk away. She could never say anything against her Commanding Officer, but damn, she wanted to punch his dumbass face. 

A couple of hours after dinner, Mila was sitting in her room reading a book by candlelight when she heard a knock at her door.

"Hey it’s me,” Mila heard Petra say against the crack of the door. “I brought you some tea." She opened the door and set the cup down on the bedside table. Petra then took a seat at the foot of Mila’s bed and smiled. “I thought it would help you rest.”

Mila smiled and took the cup and drained it in one gulp, not caring about scalding her tongue. "Thanks, you're the best."

Petra smiled back and shrugged. "Don’t thank me just yet. You have to tell me what’s on your mind in exchange for the tea."

Mila chuckled and shook her head. "Nothing ever gets past you, huh?"

"Stop stalling and tell me what's up. You're never quiet during dinner." Petra leaned back against the foot of the bed and got comfortable, showing Mila that she wasn't going anywhere soon.

Mila sighed deeply, reluctantly telling Petra what the Captain had said after training.

“He said my name,” Mila said breathily. “Like my first name.” She sighed and ran her hands through her long red hair.

Petra laughed and laughed and laughed, shaking her blonde head of hair. 

"I don’t see what’s so funny," Mila said, feeling slightly less aggravated. Petra always made her feel better just by being around. “He really caught me off guard.”

"Sorry, it's just…." Petra let out a final giggle then composed herself. "He calls all of us by our first name. The fact that you're upset about that is ridiculous."

Mila groaned and buried her face into a pillow. "It's not just that." 

Petra pursed her lips and kept her eyes on Mila. “What then?”

Mila rifled through her thoughts. There was no point in pretending she didn’t have feelings for the Captain. She’d buried them deep down when she first arrived and forgot about them. Even more so when she found out that Petra was in love with him. But now that he’d said Mila’s name in such a familiar way, they were brought back to the surface. She couldn’t bring herself to tell Petra. Besides, she’d met the Captain before Mila, therefore, girl code dictated that she had a claim to him first. Not that Mila thought Petra was one to play childish games of who’d seen him first. Still, she was determined to keep her feelings under wraps.

“Actually,” Mila began. “You’re right. I am being ridiculous. I don’t know why it affected me so much.”

Petra gave Mila a skeptical look and crossed her arms. It was clear she didn’t believe her. “This is just a theory, but maybe the Captain made you feel like you have to care about him now and that’s what’s bugging you.”

“Maybe.” Mila frowned and lay back on the bed, throwing her arm across her eyes. “Or maybe I’m just being stupid.”

"Well…." Petra said, trailing off. "Maybe if you told me what you were really thinking, I could give you some real advice."

Mila peeked out from under her arm and looked at Petra. "What if I don’t know what I’m thinking?” 

"Don't give me that." Petra smacked Mila's knee. "Why are you so afraid to be vulnerable with me? We’ve been friends for years. You should know by now that you can tell me anything.”

It was clear Petra’s feelings were hurt and that made Mila’s heart ache. It was possible the girl was right. Maybe talking about it with someone who understood would make her feel better. Mila carefully weighed whether or not it was a good idea to share with Petra how she felt. 

After a long pause, Mila took a deep breath and relented. "When he said my name my heart skipped a beat. It felt like when I had a crush on a boy back in my hometown." She rolled her eyes and threw her pillow across the room. “How stupid is that? I mean, you know me. I go into town and fuck on a whim, how is it possible that one little thing like this could be my undoing?”

Petra’s lips twitched as she listened to Mila, clamping a hand over her mouth. Once Mila finished, both girls stared at each other for a moment then dissolved into a fit of laughter. Relief flowed through Mila as her stomach muscles cramped. Her closest friend in the squad, the girl that was in love with the same man as her, was unbothered by what she had just revealed. This just affirmed what Mila already knew: Petra deserved the world for being good natured and kind. She deserved the love that she dreamed of. The love she wanted to share with the Captain.

After the laughter had subsided, Petra gave Mila an intense look. "We're human. We feel things for others. Whether it's affection, indifference, hate or love; we can't help it.” She took Mila’s hands. “So stop hiding your feelings for my sake. Nothing will ever tear us apart.”

Mila gripped Petra’s hands tightly, as if they were a lifeline. “You’re not mad?”

The blonde girl shook her head, smiling. “If anything, I was jealous that you were immune to the Captain’s good-looks.”

The two girls unclasped their hands and leaned back in a relaxed position. Mila felt her shoulders untense and her jaw unclench. “It’s not really his good looks so much as his determination and drive. Though, that mysterious asshole act he puts on has gotten tiring after all these years.”

Petra shrugged. “He’s probably protecting himself. You know, like how you were doing. He went through some rough stuff before he joined the Corps.”

Mila pursed her lips. "I doubt it. That man is made of stone."

Petra fiddled with her hair, absentmindedly braiding the ends. “He cares about us. Just in his own way. He’s saved us countless times.”

“I think he just likes killing Titans,” Mila answered. “Saving us is just a nice perk.”

Petra rolled her eyes and kicked Mila gently. “There. You’re doing it again.”

“What?”

“Pushing people away,” she explained. “If you reject them first, they can’t reject you. It's the same thing the Captain does when he feels we’re getting too close. It might protect you from feeling super affected from someone’s death, but it’s gotta be lonely.”

Mila shrugged and examined her fingernails. “It’s not so bad. It definitely prevents me from being torn up about stuff. Loneliness is better than getting stabbed in the back or...losing someone.”

Petra gave Mila a knowing look that she avoided. Everyone who’s been in the Corp long enough knows the effects of loss. However, some, like Mila, know loss even before joining the fight. Her entire family was wiped out by a fever that spread through her village. Dauper was too far from the main town and the village’s only doctor had been traveling to gather more supplies. By the time he arrived, it was too late. Mila’s family had been poor and didn’t have much in the way of money or resources. The only reason Mila survived was because her mother forced her to leave home and stay with her aunt. 

Mila’s mind reeled with memories of her childhood. Her mother, Dina, who had long red hair. Her father, Liam, with his bright blue eyes and easy smile. Her younger brother, Silas, who had inherited both the red hair and blue eyes and was determined to join the Scouts. He was only six when he died. Mila slapped a hand against her forehead, forcing the memories back into their strongbox. 

Petra gave Mila a sympathetic look and patted her knee again. “At least you know you can trust us.”

Mila had told Petra all about her little brother Silas and all his aspirations to leave the Walls. Most children yearned to explore the outside world, though they grew out of it as soon as they found out how much death and destruction occurred beyond the protective embrace of Wall Maria. The truth was, Mila joined the Scout Regiment because of her brother. A memory of Silas smiling up at her and proudly showcasing his homemade green cloak made Mila’s chest tighten. 

“Yeah,” Mila managed to choke out and she cleared her throat. “I don’t know about the rest of them, but I definitely trust you.”

Petra giggled and got up from the bed. “I’ll let you get some rest. Long day tomorrow.”

Mila scoffed. “Don’t remind me.”

Petra grabbed the tea cup from the bedside table and lingered by the door. It looked like she wanted to say something but didn’t quite know how.

“Something else on your mind?” Mila asked, suddenly dreading Petra’s answer. 

It had been too good to be true that Petra had been unbothered by Mila’s feelings for the Captain. Now all hell would break loose.

“We both know how we feel about Captain Levi,” she began. “Do you think he feels the same?”

“Well….”Mila felt tense again, trying to think of something encouraging to say. “You said it yourself. The Captain cares about us.”

“You know what I mean.” Petra sighed deeply, kicking at the ground. “Like romantic feelings. Everyone needs someone.”

Mila shrugged, not knowing how to answer. She had an inkling that the Captain didn’t think about things like that. He probably pushed everything aside and focused on what he could control, just as Mila was trying to do. As much as Mila wanted to comfort Petra, she didn’t want to lie and give the girl (and herself) false hope. 

“You could always shift your attention to Oluo,” Mila teased. “He’s been trying to get your attention for years.”

Petra rolled her eyes and giggled. “Whatever. I’ll just keep pining away until the Captain notices or I die. Whichever comes first.”

Mila giggled as well. “I think one of these days you should lay a kiss on that short bastard.”

“I’m not bold like you.” Petra’s cheeks burned red and she retreated to the door. “I could never.”

Mila shrugged sitting back with a smug disposition. “Just a suggestion. Maybe the Captain likes girls who make the first move. If anything, it would be entertaining.”

Petra put a hand on her hip and frowned. “Get some sleep you pervert.”

“I’m not the one who dreams about Captain Levi every night, whispering his name in my sleep,” Mila chuckled. 

Petra blushed harder, flipped Mila the bird then left the room, slamming the door behind her.

“Good night,” Mila called behind her, fully satisfied with the fact that she had sufficiently flustered Petra.

Another sigh escaped Mila’s lips as soon as she was alone. She was no longer in the mood to read instead, her thoughts turned to the conversation she’d just had. After Silas’ death, she had decided not to let anyone else in until she fulfilled his greatest wish. However, that blonde girl weaseled herself into Mila's heart, along with Oluo, Gunther, and Eld. The only person she had kept at a distance was Captain Levi, and now all she could do was think about him. Friendship was one thing, and she was glad she had become friends with her squad but this ordeal with the Captain was something else entirely. 

She sighed again, laying down on her bed with an angry flop. She rolled over and faced the wall, willing herself to sleep. After a few minutes of fuming, she had sufficiently exhausted herself with thoughts of the Captain, Petra, and...other things. She fell asleep not soon after.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter (or re-write if you've been here before). Let me know what you guys think in the comments below. Wishing you all safety and healthy during these times. Cheers!  
> -Pandi


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mila's still messed up and conflicted over the Captain using her name. She wants to bury her feelings deep inside her again but she just can't. How did everything get so complicated so quickly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12/2020 EDIT: Hi, me again. Here's another rewrite. I'm trying to churn these out as fast as I can. After this, there may be some inconsistencies with the chapters ahead because I'm trying to make everything make sense and well-written. Thank you for your patience and for reading. Hope you enjoy!

Once again, the sound of the horses nickering woke Mila up. This time, however, she felt more rested than she had in a long time. Petra’s talks had that effect, as she was always able to diffuse situations and put others at ease. Mila stared up at the ceiling, her thoughts returning to Captain Levi and his use of her first name. She felt like an idiot, making a big deal out of nothing. After a few more moments of wallowing, Mila forced herself up out of bed and got ready for the day.

A couple more days of training and she’d have a day off to relax with the rest of the squad. A fun day away from Captain Levi’s incessant cleaning orders and Hanji’s never-ending lectures on the wonders of the Titans was just what she needed. The sooner she got started, the sooner the day would arrive. After dressing in her requisite white button-down, white pants and brown over the knee boots she left to join the rest of the squad for breakfast. 

When she arrived, she noticed Eren was dining with them. The squad was uncharacteristically silent and focused on eating. Captain Levi was at the table as well, making Mila wonder if she had slept in. He was always the last to arrive.

“Good morning everyone,” she said, sitting at the end of the table and facing the Captain head-on. He was buttering some bread and looking at some paperwork with his usual bored expression.

Everyone offered their good mornings back through a mouthful of food then returned to being silent. What the hell is going on?

“Did I miss something?” Mila asked, making sure to not make any eye contact with the Captain. “Why is Eren here?”

“Hanji’s coming today.” Gunther’s tone was one of dread. “To start her experiments with Eren.”

Suddenly, Mila wanted to crawl back into bed and claim that she wasn’t feeling well. She had forgotten that the squad would be helping Hanji keep Eren under control during the experiments she would conduct. Mila lost her appetite and drank her coffee morosely.

“Oi,” the Captain spoke up, not taking his eyes off his paperwork. “I expect you all to suck it up and do your jobs. Shitty-Glasses is doing important work and she needs our help.” He sighed deeply, and finally looked up. “Though, she will be especially insufferable today.”

“That’s an understatement.” Oluo decided that it was an opportune moment for one of his little quips. “I’ll keep her in line, Captain. Don’t you worry.”

Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at the Captain, wondering what he would say.

“How do you plan to do that?” There was an amused tone to his voice and his eyes glinted with curiosity. “Last I heard, Hanji broke your nose when you tangled with her over one of her long debriefings.”

Oluo scoffed and blushed hard. “It was a lucky shot,” he muttered under his breath.

Everyone at the table burst out laughing. Eld shot coffee out of his nose while Petra let out a hearty laugh. Even the Captain had a small smile on his face, though he was looking over the papers in front of him once again. Oluo’s blush grew redder and it seemed like his head was going to explode from embarrassment. 

“When will you learn to keep that damned mouth of yours shut?” Mila said, wiping away tears of laughter. “You’re such a dumbass.”

“When you learn to stop kissing the Captain’s ass.” Oluo finally had a quick comeback. Unfortunately for him, Mila was not in the mood.

The table went silent once again, even the Captain stopped what he was doing to look up. 

“You better be careful, I’ll break more than just your nose asshole,” Mila growled.

“Bring it on!” He yelled, standing up and squaring his shoulders.

Mila stood up as well, ready to punch his lights out when the Captain decided to diffuse the situation. “Enough. There will be plenty of time to kill each other later.” His tone dripped with authority. If he wanted to, he could knock them both on their asses without breaking a sweat.

Mila unclenched her fists, while Oluo scoffed again and sat back down next to Petra. He seemed to be pleased with himself and that pissed Mila off to no end. Without thinking, she let her fist fly right at his mouth with as much force as she could. By the time she realized what she’d done, Oluo was on the ground, bleeding. Petra leaned down next to him, pressing a napkin against his lips to help stop the bleeding.

Captain Levi gave Mila a harsh look that made her flinch. She was in big trouble. Again. This wasn’t the first time Mila had let her anger get the best of her, especially when Oluo was involved. No amount of punishments made her stop picking fights with him though, they were far too satisfying.

“I think I lost a tooth,” Oluo groaned.

Gunther swallowed a laugh and leaned down to help Oluo up. “Come on you big baby,” he chided. “You know better than to pick a fight with her.”

“Or anyone for that matter,” Eld said, chuckling. He winked at Mila. “That never gets old.”

Petra and Eren looked like they were on the verge of laughter as well, but Captain Levi’s severe expression kept them from losing it. Mila shrugged, waiting for him to order her to clean out the stables alone or run laps until sunset. 

Instead, all he said was, “I’ll see you in my office after today’s experiment, Brandt. Oluo, will you be alright?”

Oluo gave Mila an aggressive look, then nodded at the Captain. “I’ll be fine, thank you sir.”

Mila bristled at his tone and felt her fists clench again. If he said anything else, it wouldn’t be long until another drawn out fist fight broke out between the two. 

“Brandt,” the Captain glowered. “Ready the horses.”

Mila and Oluo made eye contact for a few more seconds before Mila tore her gaze away and acknowledged the Captain. “Sir,” she said, saluting.

“Eld, help her,” the Captain ordered, not taking his eyes off Mila. “When she’s done, have her run laps until Shitty-Glasses gets here.”

Eld stood from the table, a full-blown grin on his face. He grabbed Mila’s upper arm and gave the Captain a nod. “Yes sir.”

“You’re lucky, big mouth,” Mila called as Eld dragged her out the door. “Very lucky.”

Eld laughed as he escorted her to the stables. “Why do you always engage? He knows just how to get you riled up.”

Mila ripped herself from Eld’s strong grip, moving to saddle up the squad’s horses. He crossed his arms and leaned up against a wall, watching her. “He deserves to get put in his place now and then, don’t you think?”

Another laugh escaped Eld’s lips. “At this rate he’s gonna have to wear false teeth in a few years.”

Mila smiled as she brushed out her horse’s hair, cleaned it’s hooves, and adjusted her stirrups. After Petra, Eld was another one she trusted implicitly. If she wasn’t so enamored with the Captain, Eld would definitely have her attention. He was tall, blonde, and handsome but he was also competing against humanity’s strongest soldier. Not that Eld was a slouch by any means. With 14 solo Titan kills and 32 assisted kills, he was Captain Levi’s Second in Command for a reason. Still, for whatever reason, Mila’s eyes never strayed from the Captain. However, she was acutely aware that Eld’s eyes never strayed from her either. It was flattering, but a part of her felt bad that she would never reciprocate. The world really was a cruel place. Not only did they have to put their lives on the line and fight giant monsters, they all had messed up love lives that never lined up. 

“Whatever,” she answered simply. 

Once she was done readying the other horses, Mila began her laps around the stables. As she did, she noticed Captain Levi looking down at her from one of the windows. Mila scowled deeply, and focused on what was in front of her. Eld cheered her on as she pushed herself harder and harder, hoping to run away from the anger and annoyance that was filling her.

“Woah, Mila,” Eld called. “Slow down, it’s not a race.”

Mila ignored him, keeping her pace. She knew that if she slowed even a little bit, the next person she would pick a fight with was the Captain. She was still angry at him for bringing all her feelings to the surface. She was more mixed up than ever, thinking about him constantly. It felt like her thoughts of the Captain were smothering her, keeping her from her ultimate duty. If she got the chance, she’d lay into him. Hard. Maybe seeing him in a bloodied pulp would break the spell he’d cast over her. She shook her head, pushing harder. If she got into a fight with Captain Levi, she would definitely lose.

“You can stop,” Eld called again. “Hanji’s here.”

Mila came to a stop and collapsed onto the dirt ground. She panted hard, her lungs burning with every breath. At least the ground was somewhat cool against her cheek. She felt Eld’s hands on her shoulders as he pulled her up. He kept her propped up as Hanji and her squad rode up and dismounted. At the same time, Squad Levi and Eren exited the castle and joined them. 

“Eren!” Hanji walked over to the boy excitedly and took his hand. “Are you ready to start? There’s so much to do.”

Eren looked around at the elite squad, their faces weary. Even though there were countless eyewitness accounts of Eren’s brave actions in Titan form, there was still the possibility that he could turn and kill them all at any moment. Hanji wasn’t fully sure as to what the full spectrum of his power was. Not even Eren knew. That’s what the next few weeks would be about. 

“Y-yeah,” he said, gulping hard and pulling his hand back. “Where are we going?”

“Just outside the castle grounds.” Hanji moved to mount her horse again. “You’ll see.”

“Move out,” Captain Levi ordered. He gave Mila one last look before mounting his horse and taking off.

Eld leaned down and spoke into Mila’s ear. “You good to stand on your own?”

She nodded, feeling flustered all of a sudden. Eld let go of her and she wobbled over to her own mount. She avoided Oluo’s gaze and made eye contact with Petra who was asking with her eyes if Mila was alright. Mila nodded once and threw a leg over her horse. As soon as she was settled, she squeezed her heels and her steed took off. Soon, the clip-clop of hooves filled the air as Hanji led them toward an open field. 

In the middle of the field was an old well that had long since dried up. Beyond that was an open air tent that had been set up. Both squads dismounted their horses and gathered around a table beneath the tent.

Hanji took a diagram out of her breast pocket and placed it on the table. “So here’s the plan.”

The diagram showed all their positions with arrows, circles, and crosses. Apparently she was hoping to see if Eren’s Titan form needed sunlight to be active as so many Titans do. And whether or not he regenerated his limbs faster than the average Titan. 

“Let’s get started,” she said, rolling up the diagram and haphazardly stuffing it back into her breast pocket. “No time like the present!”

“Hang on, I have something to say as well,” Captain Levi added, putting his hands on the table. He gave Eren an intense look. “I am under strict orders to keep you under control. If at any moment you decide to be uncooperative in your Titan form, my squad and I will not hesitate to kill you.”

Eren gulped and looked around at the intense stares of Squad Levi. “Y-yes sir.”

Hanji clicked her tongue. “That’s no way to treat the subject. Besides, I’ve already figured out a way to keep Eren alive if we have to resort to such drastic measures.” She pulled another diagram out of the opposite breast pocket. “We’ll cut Eren out of his Titan body, keeping his torso and head intact. His limbs, however, will be destroyed.” She gave the horrified boy an apologetic look. “Sorry Eren, it’s the best I could come up with.”

Captain Levi sighed. “Whatever you say Shitty-Glasses.” He looked at the boy coldly. “Don’t look so scared. Don’t your limbs grow back? Like a lizard?”

Eren’s face was pale. “I don’t know.”

“Guess we’ll find out then.” At this everyone (except for Eren) was ready to get started. 

Hanji led the team across the field to the deep well. “Alright, Eld, you and Gunther will be on the East and West sides of the hole. Mila, you’ll be on the North end, Oluo on the South. Petra, you’ll be assisting my team with their notes and run interference if anything happens.”

She turned to face the Captain. “Levi, you’re with me. If Eren sees your face, the fear you instilled in him might help keep him in line while he’s transformed. We don’t know how his Titan form will react to all these experiments.”

“How do you even know if he’ll be in control at all?” Oluo spoke up, his face full of skepticism. “When he was in Titan form the last time, I was told it took him a while to get back in control. He lunged at one of his comrades and she ended up getting injured.”

Eren had a guilty look on his face and kept his gaze on the hole while everyone turned to look at him.

“The hole will keep his arms pinned to his sides. Nothing to worry about,” Hanji answered, sounding annoyed. “We’re losing daylight, so let’s get started.”

Everyone was on edge as Eren was lowered into the hole, worst-case scenarios entering their minds. What would happen? Would Eren try to eat them? Would he burst out of the ground and try to escape, forcing their hand? Once Eren reached the bottom he gave a shout of affirmation.

“Are you ready Eren?” Hanji’s voice was full of excitement. She was actually drooling.

Eren shouted up from the dark hole, looking up at Hanji and Captain Levi. “Yes!” 

He took a deep breath and waited for the signal. Hanji took her flare gun and shot off a green flare, signaling the beginning of the experiment. The horses whinnied nervously at the sound, pulling at their reins tied to a post nearby. No one moved or breathed, even the landscape around them was silent; no breeze blew and the normal sounds of birds and wildlife were gone.

Mila watched as Eren lifted his hand to his mouth, biting through the fleshy bit near the base of his thumb. Hanji and the Captain looked on, their hands on their blades waiting for the slightest hint of trouble. The squads did the same.

“Eren!” Hanji called down, she sounded disappointed. “What’s going on?”

“Why isn’t this working?” They heard him ask as he kept biting through his hands. “Come on, work!” Soon enough his hands were mangled, his mouth and shirt were covered in blood and all he could do was look up at the squad uselessly. “I’m sorry! It’s not working.”

Hanji sighed deeply and set off another flare, this time in red to signal the end of the experiment and its failure. Gunther and Eld sent down a rope to help Eren out of the hole while Mila and Petra helped Hanji’s squad set up a table and the food provisions they had brought. Once they were done, they all sat down to eat. The tension from earlier was gone, and they all felt somewhat relieved that the experiment had failed. Except for Hanji who was trying to formulate a hypothesis as to what went wrong.

“I’m sorry Squad Leader Hanji,” Eren apologized again. “I don’t know what happened.”

“Don’t worry Eren.” Petra poured the boy a cup of tea and placed it in front of him. “Maybe it’s for the best.”

Gunther shook his head. “The only weapon we had against the Titans has now lost his powers. As much as I dreaded seeing you in Titan form, it really would’ve been an asset for us out there.”

Eren sighed and looked down at his cup of tea, his bandaged hands cradling it delicately. “I’m sorry for wasting everyone’s time.”

Oluo scoffed and crossed his arms. “You better be. We all have better things to do than to babysit you.”

Eren sunk deeper into his seat, while Mila placed a slice of cheese on his plate. “Lay off Oluo, you’re one to talk about wasting time. All you do is run that damned mouth of yours all day.” She turned to look at the boy. “Ignore him, that’s what I do.”

“Except when you let him have it at breakfast this morning,” Eld said, chuckling. 

Petra elbowed Mila and both girls exchanged giggles. The tense atmosphere had dissipated, and in its place was a more relaxed one. Eren straightened up and moved to pick up his tea cup. He winced and drew his hand back, causing a teaspoon to fall to the ground. He reached down to pick it up and a crackle of energy filled the air. With a sound like thunder and an explosion of heat, everyone was thrown back by an unknown force. Mila was temporarily out of it, and her shoulder felt like she’d rammed it straight into a wall. She shook her head and scrambled to get up and see what had happened.

“What the fuck was that?” Oluo yelled, as the cloud of Titan steam began to clear.

Hanji, who was being helped up by her Second in Command, Moblit Berner, accidentally knocked him down in excitement and ran into the cloud of steam. “Eren!”

Everyone’s breath hitched in their chests when they saw Eren who was sticking out from the nape of a massive Titan torse. A fully formed arm made of bone and sinew stuck out from it’s left side. Mila’s hand’s itched for the weapons at her sides as she watched Hanji examine the arm. She poked and prodded at it with a pencil while Moblit begged her to stay back.

“Squad Leader! It’s not safe!” His voice was full of concern, and his eyes were wide with fear. “You could get hurt!”

“Eren would never hurt me,” Hanji said, her mouth watering at the sight. “Oh Eren, I knew you could do it! Hang on, I need to get a sample.” She placed her hand on the massive limb and jumped back. “AH! THAT’S HOT!”

“Squad Leader!” Moblit ran to her aid and took her hand. “When will you learn?”

Mila watched as Eren moved and she immediately unsheathed her blades. The rest of Squad Levi did the same. They all moved in unison, their eyes fixed on their target. 

“STAY BACK!” Captain Levi roared, his voice full of anger.

“WAIT!” Eren yelled out, his voice full of fear. “I’m sorry! It was an accident.”

Mila moved toward Eren, feeling threatened by his shifty gaze. “Eld you go left! Petra, to the right!”

“I SAID GET BACK!” The Captain yelled again, running to stand in front of Eren in a protective stance. “Everyone calm down.”

Mila, Petra, Oluo, Gunther, and Eld paused, temporarily taken aback by the Captain’s change in tune. They were on full attack mode, their blades were out and ready to render the boy into a pile of bones. Eren’s eyes widened at the sight, and tried to pull his arm out of the Titan torso.

“Don’t move!” Mila yelled at Eren, voice full of rage. “I’ll cut you down where you stand.”

“Brandt,” the Captain cried. “Sheathe your weapons.”

“Captain, I’m gonna need you to move away,” Petra called. “It’s not safe.”

“I said sheathe your weapons!” Captain Levi ordered. His voice had taken on a soothing quality. He turned to look at Eren. “Are you okay?”

The young boy snapped out of his trance and finally yanked his arm out of the torso, another puff of steam billowing out.

“Wait, Eren!” Hanji was in full panic mode. “It’ll disintegrate! I wanted to run some more tests!” She watched in horror as the limb began to slowly fall apart, more steam escaping from it.

Captain Levi was having a hard time convincing his squad to put their weapons away and stand down.

Still fully on edge and ready to strike, Petra gave Eren a dangerous look. “You disobeyed the Captain’s orders. How could you?”

“I couldn’t help it,” he pleaded. His hands had fully regenerated from the bloody mangled mess they were before. “I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

“Stand down all of you,” the Captain said once again.

The squad finally did as they were told and placed their blades back into their sheaths. 

“We’re still within our rights to kill you Eren,” Eld said coldly, walking away from the site toward his horse. Mila, Petra, Oluo, and Gunther followed close behind him.

“Let’s just get back to the castle,” Captain Levi said as he watched his squadmates rush off in anger. “Once everyone has calmed down we can talk. Eren, with me.”

Eren nodded and followed the Captain back to the horses. Squad Levi regarded the boy wearily, fear and anger still fresh in their systems. They all rode back together in silence, except for Hanji who had stayed back to examine what was left of the arm.

Back at the castle, Squad Levi and young Eren were in the Mess Hall waiting for Hanji to return for a full debrief. No one spoke a word. Mila, Petra, Eld, Gunther, and Oluo sat at one table while the Captain and Eren sat at another. The squad was annoyed that their commanding officer hadn’t had their backs. Mila felt her leg bounce up and down with an excess of adrenaline. The air was filled with tension as they waited for more than an hour. When Hanji finally arrived she took a seat next to Captain Levi and set a small cloth on the table.

“I figured out why Eren couldn’t turn into a Titan when prompted,” she began, pushing up her glasses. “And the reason his arm transformed when it did is wrapped inside this cloth.”

Captain Levi sighed and pinched his nose with his index finger and thumb. “Just tell us what happened. I’m not in the mood for one of your tangents.”

“It’s not a tangent.” She waved off his annoyance and regarded Eren. “You need a purpose, Eren. A reason to turn into a Titan.” She unwrapped the cloth and put the spoon on the table for everyone to see. “When you transformed, you went to pick this up didn’t you?”

Oluo, Gunther, Eld, Petra, and Mila got up from their table and stood around the boy. They stared at the spoon in disbelief. There was no way that such a small action had caused him to transform into a Titan. The tension in the room dissipated and was replaced with confusion.

“That’s right,” Eren answered, trying to re-establish his credibility. “It fell off the table and when I went to pick it up my arm transformed.”

“I found the spoon between the index finger and thumb of the Titan arm,” Hanji explained, giving everyone a smug look. “This little discovery helped me form a hypothesis. Eren can trigger his Titan form by harming himself, but only when he has a clear goal in mind.”

There were a few beats of silence as the squad looked at each other. Mila glanced between Eld and Petra, then watched as Eld looked down at his hands and lifted one to his mouth. He bit down on it, just as he had seen Eren do. 

“W-what are you doing?” Eren stared at Eld in shock.

As Eren spoke, Gunther followed suit, then Petra, Oluo, and Mila. Soon all of them had bitten their hands as hard as they could, their blood flowing freely.

Eld spit out a stream of blood that made the Captain wince. “Damn that hurts. How do you bite all the way through Eren?”

Eren looked around at Squad Levi, each of which had a sheepish expression on their faces. “Why are you doing this?”

“We’re apologizing,” Petra explained, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “Please forgive us for not trusting you.”

Eren looked down at the table, his cheeks rosy. “Of course.”

Captain Levi looked around at his squad with a soft expression on his face. “Make sure you clean up the blood off this table. It’s disgusting.”

Everyone chuckled, except for Oluo who spoke up. “Don’t get used to us apologizing. This is the first and last time it’ll happen.”

Petra rolled her eyes and jabbed him in the ribs, then looked over at Eren again. “Ignore him.”

The young boy smiled. “It won’t happen again.”

The anger in the room melted away into a sense of relief. Eren had broken the rules, but luckily, it hadn’t been witnessed by anyone outside the Scouts. They decided that their little adventure today was on a need to know basis. Captain Levi and Hanji would make a full report to Commander Erwin on this discovery of course, but the Military Police would be left in the dark. Ever since Eren had been put into the Scout Regiment’s charge, the MPs were trying to find any excuse to take Eren away to be experimented on and put down. 

“Go get some rest,” Hanji said, putting her hand on Eren’s. A manic smile spread across her face. “We have more work to do tomorrow.”

Eren’s smile faded slightly and he looked around the table for help. “O-okay….”

Petra, Mila, and Eld held back their laughter while Gunther and Oluo groaned at the news. Hanji said to get rest, but there would be no rest for the next few days until their day off. Eren, Hanji and Captain Levi had their work cut out for them, especially with all the reports they would need to falsify for those snakes in the Capital.

“Off to the barracks until dinner Eren,” Captain Levi ordered as he stood. “Brandt, I’d like to speak with you in my office.”

_Here we go_ , she thought to herself. Oluo gave her a shit-eating grin as she walked by but she ignored it, not wanting to be left without supper. She sighed deeply and gave Petra a look that the girl returned with a shrug _._

“Yes sir.” Mila followed close behind, leaving the others to listen to another one of Hanji’s lectures. She chuckled as she heard them all groan. At least she wouldn’t have to stay for that.

Once they arrived at the Captain’s office, he securely closed the door behind them and sat down at his desk. 

The Captain scowled and crossed his arms. “Do you know why you’re here?”

Mila stood at attention, her arms behind her back and her chest out. “I got into a physical altercation with my squadmate.”

“Again,” the Captain said pointedly. He cleaned his nails with a letter opener. “How many times do we have to go over this?”

Mila’s shoulders dropped and she sighed. “I’m sorry Captain.” 

The last time she’d had one on one time with the Captain, he’d used her first name. Why did he go back to saying her last name in front of the others? Was she overthinking the whole thing again?

“I’ll talk to Oluo as well. However, don’t think that your lack of discretion will go unpunished.” He looked up from what he was doing and regarded Mila with a cold stare. “You’re relegated to running paperwork between myself, Hanji and Erwin.”

As far as Mila was concerned, she had gotten off easier than usual. Every time she got into scrapes with Oluo she’d been sent to clean out the stables alone or to clean up the storeroom. 

“Don’t think you’re getting off easy,” he continued, as if he could read her mind. Mila felt her heart drop. “With all the experiments going on, you’ll have your hands full.”

Mila stared at the Captain, her brows knit in frustration. Usually he dismissed her right after giving his orders. What was he waiting for?

“Am I dismissed sir?” Mila asked. She was getting tired of standing at attention and relaxed.

“Did I dismiss you, Brandt?” He quipped. There was a glint of what she thought was playfulness in his eyes.

This was becoming all too habitual with him. She felt like she was about to pop. If Petra could see her now, she’d be laughing her ass off. Mila didn’t feel like laughing, she felt like her heart was going to explode out of her chest. Burying her feelings down for the Captain had worked for the past few years, but after yesterday’s events she hadn’t had time to push them back down again.

Suddenly, her mouth opened on it’s own. “Why did you say my first name yesterday?”

The glint in the Captain’s eyes brightened. “You’re part of my squad, and I like to keep my squad’s morale up.”

“That’s not an answer, sir.” Mila didn’t care about being polite anymore. Years of pent up frustrations, anger, and just emotions, in general, bubbled to the surface. It was like her body was rebelling against her.

“Sit down,” he said, gesturing toward the chair in front of him.

“I’d rather stand, sir.” She knew she would be crucified for her lapse of propriety but at that moment she could care less about proper manners.

The Captain’s eyebrows raised but he kept his stoic expression. “So be it.” He paused for a moment, then began to speak again. “Soldiers die in battle all the time, especially after the fall of Wall Maria. Loss is all around us, and caring for others gets harder and harder. There’s a small list of those that you keep in your heart but other than that, you don’t care.”

Mila nodded along with everything he said, knowing all too well about what he was talking about.

“However, there are complications with that kind of thinking.” He leaned back in his chair. “There are little cracks, chinks if you will, that years of stoicism can’t block out.”

“I’m not following, sir,” Mila said, finally sitting down. Was he admitting a weakness? 

“Tch,” he scoffed. “I thought you were smarter than that Brandt.” Suddenly he leaned forward in his seat, his gray eyes boring into hers. “I might seem like a cold-hearted asshole most of the time, but we’ve been a team for almost five years, that’s a long time. I’m trying to say that I care about...all of you.”

Of course Mila knew that the Captain cared for his squad but it seemed like he was trying to say something else. 

Captain Levi’s eyes left Mila’s as he looked outside his window. “I expect you to keep this talk between us.”

Mila looked down at the tips of her boots, she felt like she had seen something no one should ever witness. For some reason, she felt guilty, and she knew that telling Petra would make it awkward between them. This seemed like a conversation that was had between two people whose relationship was more than that of a superior and subordinate. The part of her that was in love with the Captain soared, while the part that knew how Petra felt about him wanted her to distance herself. 

“Of course sir.” She stood up and looked at the door. “Consider it forgotten.”

The Captain gave her an amused look. “I’m not asking for you to forget about this conversation, I’m asking for you not to mention it to the others. If they knew, I’d lose the sense of fear I’ve cultivated for myself over the years.”

“Did you just make a joke, sir?” Mila’s head reeled. What the hell was going on with him? Was it the full moon?

“As I said before, I like to keep my squad’s morale up.” He sniffed and met her eyes once again. “You are dismissed Brandt. I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow morning.”

Mila nodded and saluted. “Yes sir.”

“Good night Mila,” he said with strange warmth to his voice. “And get some ice on that shoulder.”

“Er, good night, sir.” Mila turned and left his office, her head still spinning from the conversation she’d just had.

She’d almost lost it, and when she had finally gotten it together, he’d made it complicated again. Her emotions were all over the place, and by the time she made it back to her room, she was even more pissed than she was before. Why had things gotten so weird, so fast? How did the Captain know she hurt her shoulder? Had he been watching her? Those questions just made Mila even angrier.

“Damn it all!” Mila threw herself on her bed, still reeling at the day’s events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter! Let me know what you think in the comments below! Wishing you all heath and safety during this time. Cheers!  
> -Pandi


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Petra gets up the nerve to tell Captain Levi how she feels about it, though it doesn't really go according to plan. Mila is torn and a little jealous after Petra tells her she kissed him. Will their friendship survive this ordeal?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12/2020 EDIT: Hello, hello, hello! Here again with another newly updated chapter. Hope ya'll enjoy!

The weariness Squad Levi felt around Eren had dissipated, making the next few days fly by. Every day, the squad escorted the kid out to the same field Hanji designated for their experiments and had him practice controlling his Titan form. He was given tasks to complete, such as moving a boulder or throwing a couple of trees around. Hanji’s hypothesis proved correct, and when given a purpose he was able to transform without issue. There were a few bumps along the way in which Eren’s Titan form would sit uselessly for a few minutes before it snapped out of its trance. However, Commander Erwin was confident that with more training those lapses would become a thing of the past. Even though things were going smoothly, the squad was counting the days until their day off. Hanji and Captain Levi were working them to the bone, especially Mila. She couldn’t count how many trips she’d made to the interior within four days.

When the day finally came, Mila awoke with a smile on her face. She was free to spend it however she wanted. Most free days she spent with Petra at a river nearby where they watered the horses. It had become their special spot. The weather was warm enough that Mila would be able to get a swim in. She often did her best thinking while underwater. All sound ceased when she was below the surface, drowned out by the roaring river. 

She still hadn’t had the chance to tell Petra about her conversation with the Captain the other night. Not that she could even if she wanted to. He had been pretty clear about keeping it under wraps. The thought made Mila feel guilty, like she’d stolen something from Petra. She stood in the way of Petra’s happiness and she knew that. She’d done her best to step aside for four years. Not that the Captain had noticed either way. 

There was absolutely no way Captain Levi didn’t know how Petra felt. The girl was as transparent as glass. He had told Mila that he cared about his squad’s morale. If that were true, he should’ve acknowledged her feelings years ago, even if to dismiss then. Maybe then Petra would be free to move on to someone else. Knowing her friend was pining away and being ignored made Mila’s blood boil. She didn’t care if Captain Levi never acknowledged her as long as he returned Petra’s affections. Couldn’t he see how happy that would make her?

A knock at the door took Mila out of her thoughts. She immediately knew that it was Petra, and she felt her chest seize. The girl could pick up Mila’s vibe like a blood-hound picking up a scent. It was eerie. Forcing her tormented face into a semblance of normalcy, Mila steeled her nerve.

She walked over to open the door, completely forgetting she was still in her nightgown. “I was sleeping you know.”

“How are you still not dressed?” Petra asked, walking into the room and sitting down on the bed. It was clear she had something on her mind. “It’s our day off. Our plans haven’t changed in years.”

Mila shut the door and rolled her neck. “Late start.”

Petra nibbled her bottom lip and looked down at Mila’s unmade bed. “You better clean this room up before we leave, or the Captain will make you run laps around the castle again.”

Mila rolled her eyes and sat down next to Petra and nudged her. “Did you want to talk about something?”

Petra sighed deeply and looked Mila dead in the eyes. Her amber gaze was filled with determination. "I've decided to take your advice." 

Mila's eyebrows knit her eyebrows. "Regarding?" 

“You know,” she whispered. “About the Captain. You've always told me just to go for it, and after our talk the other night I realized that I don't want to die without telling him how I feel."

“You’re so dramatic,” Mila said, giggling. “You’re not gonna die. Not with me watching your back.” 

Petra smiled and Mila smiled back, hoping to look less affected than she was. She felt like she’d been kicked in the chest. As happy as she was for Petra and the surge of confidence she’d gained, a small part of Mila was jealous.

“Look at you,” Mila said, nudging Petra again. “Putting on those big girl panties. I think you’ll be giving me a run for my money. I thought I was the bold one.”

Petra blushed hard and smacked her friend’s shoulder. “Shut up. It’s not like that.” She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m just gonna talk to him, nothing more.”

“So when are you going to tell him?” Mila did her best to smile genuinely, but she felt like she was going to throw up. 

She’d already made her peace with Petra loving the Captain. In fact, she was determined to help bring them together. Still, the ugly, catty side of her was ready to tear the girl’s hair out. Petra really was the better person. When Mila confessed that she had a crush on the Captain, she didn't bat a lash. Mila knew she had to be just as supportive, the girl deserved it. She’d never been anything less than a true friend.

“Today.” Petra’s blush deepened, and her hands were shaky. “No time like the present. I’ll meet you at the river as soon as I’m done.” She quickly hopped off the bed.

“Wait.” Mila’s head was spinning. Why was Petra doing it so soon? “What’s the rush?”

“I’ve been dying to tell him for years,” she answered. “I always feel like I’m going to burst around him. I just hope that if I tell him, I won’t feel that way anymore.”

Mila nodded, understanding exactly what Petra was feeling.

“Alright,” Petra said, taking a deep breath. “Here I go. Wish me luck.”

Mila watched as she left the room as quickly as she’d arrived. “Good luck,” she called uselessly.

As soon as Petra left, Mila fell back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. She didn’t want to feel jealous and yet she couldn’t help it. The fact that she did made her angry with herself. It was completely unfair of her to feel that way. Petra had as much a right to go after the Captain as Mila did. Besides, she’d seen him first.

After mentally scolding herself, she got up from the bed, and slipped out of her nightgown. After dressing in a knee-length black skirt and a white button-down she finally buried away her emotions and left to pack a lunch for her and Petra.

...

Captain Levi was holed up inside his office. He’d spent half the night and would spend most of his day off going over the mountains of paperwork Hanji and Erwin were falsifying for the Military Police. He looked down at his handwriting and felt his head swim with military jargon. He decided it was time for a break, and poured himself a cup of tea. The kettle he had brought up earlier that morning had gone cold, but he didn’t feel like going back to the kitchen for a new batch. He drank the cold, bitter liquid and sighed deeply. He hadn’t signed up for this. 

“What a pain,” he said to himself, finishing the cup off. He grabbed another paper, reading it over for inconsistencies.

A knock at the door caught him off guard. He hadn’t been expecting any visitors. As far as he knew, everyone else was out enjoying their day. Even Shitty-Glasses was having fun. He stared at the door, hoping that if he didn’t answer he wouldn’t have to speak to anyone. But whoever was on the other side must have been eager to speak with him because they knocked more forcefully.

“Name and business,” he said coldly, leaning back in his chair and looking over another paper.

“Er, it’s Petra sir, and I guess it’s personal?” Her voice sounded shaky. He could hear her nerves through the door.

“Come in,” he said, putting down the paper he’d been holding.

“Sorry for the intrusion sir,” she said. Her face was flushed and she wrung her hands nervously. “I know you’re very busy but I wanted to speak to you about something.”

He gestured toward the chair before his desk. “What did you want to talk about?”

Petra gulped hard and sat down, clasping her hands tightly in her lap. “W-well sir, I...there’s a personal matter that I can no longer keep to myself.”

The Captain’s eyes narrowed. He could tell she was going to confess her love, and it made him preemptively cringe. It wasn’t the first time a subordinate of his had confessed their feelings to him and he was sure it wouldn’t be the last. He almost felt disappointed. In another life this could be a possibility, after all, Petra was a good soldier. She was kind, intelligent and extremely loyal, but he didn’t have the capacity for romance. He wasn’t sure if he ever did. As much as he cared for his squad, that was the extent of his affection. Love was not something he would ever let himself indulge in, especially not with a girl like Petra who was so pure and good and very much unlike he was.

“Captain Levi.” Petra closed her eyes and steeled herself. “Our lives are short enough without the risk that comes with being a soldier. I don’t want to die feeling this way and never being able to say it.”

The Captain sighed and leaned back in his chair, his gray eyes searing into her red face. “What is it that you wish to say?”

Petra opened her amber eyes and stared right at him. “The thing is...I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for five years.”

Captain Levi’s face showed no emotion whatsoever. He just stared blankly at her and waited for her to finish.

Petra took a deep breath and continued. “When you asked me to join, I did so not entirely out of loyalty to humanity. I wanted to be close to you. I know this makes things complicated for you, but I couldn’t keep pretending that I was strong enough to be around you as if nothing was happening. I don’t know what you’ve been through, and you don’t have to tell me but I just want you to be happy.” Her cheeks burned as she finished. “And, I think I can make you happy.”

The Captain felt his gaze soften. “This was very brave of you to say.”

Petra smiled down at her tightly clasped hands in her lap.

“However,” he continued, crossing his arms. “Not only would it be inappropriate for a Squad Leader and a subordinate to engage in such a relationship, I must be honest and say that I don’t fe--”

The Captain was immediately cut off by Petra’s lips on his. She had leaned across the desk and grabbed his face. A surge of warmth spread in his chest and that was enough to make him panic and pull away.

“That was….” He trailed off, trying to stamp out the warmth in his chest. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave and forget everything that’s happened.”

“Are you really so cold that a kiss won’t even melt your heart?” Petra asked in a small voice.

Captain Levi stared back at her and sighed deeply. “You are dismissed.”

Petra’s eyes welled up with tears. “I’m not sorry for what I’ve done. Sooner or later, you’ll thank me.”

“Dismissed,” he hissed again, turning his chair so he faced away from her. 

A few seconds later, he heard footsteps, the sound of the door opening and closing, then silence. 

The Captain slumped in his chair and rubbed his temples. He hadn’t expected her to kiss him. She’d been extremely forward with him, and it shook him to his core. He was only human, and it had been a very long time since he had touched a woman. The Captain was well aware of how women regarded him, but he usually ignored their advances. Now that he’d had a taste, the heat in his chest felt unbearable. He’d been with many women many times. All casual meetups to let off steam and get the ball rolling again. He didn’t feel any different about Petra, but that kiss had sent his desire into overdrive.

He closed his eyes, counted to ten, and took back control of his body. He decided to ignore everything that had happened. He would forget the feelings she had awakened in him and treat her as just another soldier. Nothing would change. Nothing  _ could _ change especially when the Scouts were starting to get close to their goal.

He clenched his teeth and grabbed another paper, forcing himself to focus. “Dammit.”

...

Outside the castle, Mila was laying on a blanket and listening to the sound of the river rush by. She couldn’t stop thinking about Petra and the Captain. What was happening? Did she already confess? Did the Captain accept? Had they kissed? Were they doing...other things? The sound of footsteps rushing toward her snapped Mila back into the present. She sat up from the blanket just as Petra threw her arms around Mila in a tight embrace. The girl was trembling and crying softly.

“What happened?” Mila put her arms around Petra’s shoulders.

“What I knew would happen,” Petra answered, wiping her eyes and sitting down next to Mila. “I knew he would reject me, but I confessed anyway.”

Mila patted her friend’s back as she cried, her body filling with rage at the pain she was witnessing. She expected that the Captain would reject Petra’s affections but she’d hoped that he would do it gently and with respect.  _ Fucking asshole. _

“Tell me everything,” Mila said in a comforting tone. “Don’t leave out a single detail.”

“Well.” Petra sniffed and wiped her eyes again, taking a deep breath. “I told him that I loved him. Then he turned me down, giving me some excuse about the relationship between superior and subordinate. I thought he was just being coy, so I...I kissed him.”

Mila felt her jaw hit the floor. “You kissed Captain Levi?”

Petra laughed bitterly. “You’re the one who encouraged me to go for it.”

“Wow, you really took that to heart.” A spike of jealousy stabbed Mila in the heart but she ignored it. “What did he do?”

Petra shrugged and looked at the river, watching leaves placidly float along with the current. “He pushed me away and told me to forget about the whole thing.”

Mila’s little bout of jealousy came to an abrupt end as she looked at the pain in her friend’s face. “Short fucking bastard.”

Petra shook her head and sighed. “It’s my fault. I knew what would happen and I went with it anyway. Still, I guess I wished that maybe I’d be the one to steal his heart.”

“I’m proud of you.” Mila smiled, taking Petra’s hand. “I know the situation sucks, but you still followed your heart. And I don’t think you should give up. He probably needs time to process the whole situation. You did jump him you know.”

Petra’s lips quirked up into a small smile. “Nah, he doesn’t like me. Stop giving me hope.”

Mila rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Just give him some time. Some guys are just slow on the uptake.”

“I kissed him,” Petra cried, giggling. “I was as forward as I possibly could be.”

“I’ve fucked guys who still didn’t know I liked them,” Mila retorted, shrugging. “I’m telling you, just give it time.”

Petra shook her head and flopped down onto the gingham cloth beneath her. She looked up at the sky, a thoughtful look on her face.

Mila did the same, her hands behind her head. “So...what was it like? Kissing the Captain I mean.”

“It was….” Petra pursed her lips, thinking. “It was nice actually. His lips were soft and warm, even though they’re always in a scowl.” Her voice was breathy. A blissful look lay on her face despite the fact that she had just been brutally rejected.

Mila’s smile faded slightly. “Wow. Must have been some kiss.” That little tinge of jealousy was back, and she tried to push it down again.

Petra giggled. “You act like we slept together. It lasted less than a second, then he pushed me off him.”

“Still,” Mila continued. “I’m sure it was nice.”

“I’m sorry Mila,” Petra said, sighing. 

Mila sat up and leaned on her elbow. “Why are you apologizing?”

Petra sat up, mirroring Mila’s position. “You’re in love with the Captain. I’m sure you don’t want to hear about me kissing him.”

Mila looked away, shrugging again. “It really doesn’t bother me. At least, not anymore. I was telling the truth when I said I was happy for you.”

“I know.” Petra lay back down on the blanket. “Besides, I can tell when you lie.”

Mila chuckled, returning her gaze to the blonde girl. “I guess that’s true.”

“Are you gonna make a move on him next?” Petra asked, a vacant expression on her face.

“No way,” Mila said after a moment of silence. “That would make me a shitty friend.”

“Maybe I’m weird, but I don’t think that would make you a shitty friend,” Petra answered. “It’s freeing to get your feelings out there. You should think about it.”

Mila shook her head and sat up all the way, crossing her legs. “I’m perfectly content keeping them bottled up. Besides, I’d leave so many broken hearts in my wake if I professed my love to someone.”

Petra chuckled and shook her head. “Don’t you think it would be more fulfilling to settle down than to keep having one night stands?”

“Maybe,” Mila answered. “But we’re soldiers. Settling down comes with a lot of risks.”

Petra nodded sadly. “I guess you’re right. I wish I was as strong as you.”

Mila looked at Petra for a moment then smiled. “You are strong, just in a different way. You told the Captain you loved him. Compared to you, I’m a coward. That took a lot of balls.”

“I told him because of you.” Petra looked over at Mila. “You inspired me to follow my heart. Even though it hurt, I’m glad I did it.” She sighed. “Being in love is hard, but keeping your feelings to yourself is harder. It’s like a weight has been lifted off my chest.”

Petra deserved every happiness this cruel world had left in it. Mila was annoyed that the Captain couldn’t see how happy he could be with Petra. At the very least, he had to admit that Petra was pretty. Why couldn’t he just give it a try? Didn’t he say he cared about the squad’s morale? Even if he just tried, he would make Petra so happy. The little lick of jealousy still smoldered in Mila’s head, but she continued to ignore it. She’d much rather see Petra happy, at least, that’s what she kept telling herself.

“You deserve all the love in the world, Petra.” Again Mila smiled, though it felt forced this time. “You’re wasted on a man like the Captain. He’ll soon find out that he missed out big time.”

Petra nudged Mila. “You deserve love too, we all do. Even stupid Oluo.”

Mila smirked. “Does that mean that you’ll give him a chance now that the Captain’s off the table?”

Petra rolled her eyes and lightly punched Mila’s shoulder. “No way in hell. I’ll just have to wait for the right man.”

“Fair enough.” Mila winced at the smack, and chuckled. “What about Eld?” 

Petra waved the thought away. “He’s in love with you.”

“He’ll forget about me if you make a move on him,” Mila answered, smiling. “I guarantee it.”

“Whatever,” she said, chuckling.

“What if you married me?” Mila asked, teasing. “I’m great in bed.”

Petra blushed covering her face with her hands. “What are you even saying? You’re crazy.”

“I’m serious.” An idea formed in Mila’s head. “If neither of us settle down within the next two years, why don’t we marry each other? Not in a romantic way, just for tax benefits and companionship.”

Petra peeked out from behind her hands. “Are you serious?”

Mila laughed. “Of course. You’re my best friend. Besides, you’re just so cute.”

Petra blushed harder, scowling. “I’ll do it on one condition.”

“That condition being?” Mila prompted.

“You tell the Captain how you feel,” Petra answered, a serious look on her face. “If he turns you down then we’ll go into town and fill out the paperwork.”

It was Mila’s turn to blush and she looked down at the ground. “No way.”

“No deal then,” Petra said, smirking. 

The jealousy Mila had felt toward Petra dissolved and was replaced with uncertainty. As much as she wanted to tell Captain Levi how she felt, she lacked the courage. Mila took down a 12-meter Titan once, but the thought of telling  _ Captain Levi _ that she loved him instilled more fear in her than the bloodthirsty beast had. 

“And if he doesn’t refuse?” Mila asked, trying to poke a hole in Petra’s argument.

“Then we’re both free,” Petra answered, still smirking. “I can focus on someone else and you can be happy with the Captain, how you really want.”

Mila clenched her teeth. She was worse at concealing her feelings than she thought. “No way. I’m not gonna do that to you.”

“Then I won’t marry you,” Petra answered, getting up from the blanket. “Let’s put a pin in this conversation and go for a swim.” She undressed, and was left in her wraps and underwear. “It’s starting to get a little chilly.”

Mila sighed, getting up and undressing as well. “Fine.”

Once Mila was undressed, she followed Petra down to the river bank and watched as she dove into the water. Petra swam around and floated on her back serenely, a look of thoughtfulness on her face. Mila assumed Petra was still thinking about her conversation with the Captain and how she wished it would’ve gone differently. Mila dove in after her friend, splashing the girl on purpose to get her mind off things.

“Oh, you’re so dead!” Petra called.

Mila swam away, a smirk on her face. “You gotta catch me first!” She called back.

The two girls fought back and forth. Dipping and splashing each other until they dissolved into a mess of giggles. When their hands were pruney and the sun was beginning to set, they got out of the water and walked back to the picnic blanket. They decided to sit out and dry off before heading back and broke into the picnic Mila had packed. 

Both girls ate in silence, staring up at the sky and finding shapes within the clouds above. Mila wished they could stay here always, away from the rest of the world. Here in their secret place there weren’t any monsters lurking around, craving their flesh. The war was far from their minds, and she felt like she could be young again. To act like the twenty-five-year-old she actually was. 

If she married Petra, every day could be like this. It wasn’t that she was in love with the girl. It was just a different type of love. They’d developed a deep bond, one that would never break, even in death. And if Mila was being truly honest, she was afraid that neither her nor Petra would ever stop loving the Captain. Her suggesting that they go along with matrimony was more so they could share in that misery together, to find the good in a difficult situation. And Mila knew that Petra understood why she’d suggested it.

“Time to head back,” Petra said, getting dressed. “Dinner will be ready soon.”

Mila nodded absentmindedly, not wanting to move. “Yeah.”

“I don’t want to see the Captain anytime soon.” Another sigh escaped Petra’s lips. There was a nervous expression on her face.

Mila finally pushed herself up and dressed as well. “I could go talk to him.”

Petra’s cheeks burned. “No way. Let’s just leave the poor Captain alone.”

“Okay, okay.” Mila lifted her hands in surrender. “It was just a suggestion.”

Both of them returned to the castle just as dinner was being served. However, as soon as Petra saw the Captain’s face at the table she hightailed it out of the Mess Hall and back to her room. Mila sighed and shook her head, sitting down in front of Eld who was having a discussion with Gunther and Oluo about some girl they saw in town today.

“I’m telling you,” Gunther said through a mouthful of bread. “She was prettier than Petra.”

Oluo scoffed, and crossed his arms. “Your eyes must not be working. She looked like a donkey.”

Eld smirked and put an arm around Oluo. “Careful Gunther, you don’t want to say that about Petra around this guy. He’s in love with her, remember?”

Oluo’s cheeks burned as he wrestled his way out of Eld’s strong arm. “Shut up.”

“Was she prettier than me?” Mila asked, a smirk on her face.

Eld’s face paled at her question and the action made Mila laugh. Gunther punched Eld’s shoulder, laughing as well. Oluo gave Mila a look of gratitude before remembering that he was still mad at her for punching him out.

“I’m kidding guys,” she said, taking a bite of bread. “Jeez, lighten up.”

The guys returned to their conversation, though mostly they teased Oluo’s love for Petra. Mila would have had pity for the guy if he wasn’t so damn annoying. The more he whined and scoffed, the more she wanted to hit him again.

“Why don’t you both shut your damned mouths?” Oluo said again. “You’re so annoying.”

“Annoying? Gunther and Eld?” Mila scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Take a look in the mirror. The only annoying one here is you. Maybe if you kept your mouth shut more, Petra would be interested in you.”

Oluo slammed his hands on the table and gave Mila a severe look. “I don’t remember asking for your goddamned opinion, you brat!”

“Oi,” the Captain spoke above the din. “Keep it down, I have a headache.”

At once, everyone stopped speaking and finished the meal out in silence. It wasn’t until Captain Levi stood and left the Mess that the guys started talking again. Mila left as well, not wanting to hear about the guys’ current escapades with the women of the tavern. At least, that was the excuse she gave herself.

She followed the Captain out of the Mess. “May I speak with you, Captain?”

Captain Levi stopped in his tracks but didn’t turn around to face her. “I said I had a headache. Please bring any grievances you have to me tomorrow.” He started walking again, brushing Mila off.

Mila clenched her teeth. “I thought you cared about your squad’s morale.”

She heard him sigh and watched his shoulders drop in defeat. He slowly turned to face her. “My office Brandt, and make it fast.”

Once again, Mila and the Captain were alone in his office. The last time Mila had been there, the Captain had openly told her he cared about his squad. She felt her heart race as she took a seat in front of his desk.

“What did you want to talk about?” Mila noticed that he looked annoyed.

Mila balled her hands up into fists but she resisted the urge to punch him. “I understand that Petra came to speak to you earlier.”

“What was said between her and me is private. If that’s what you wish to talk about then I have to ask you to leave.” The look he gave her told her he was done talking about the matter.

“You don’t need to speak, just to listen.” Mila’s courage had built up since the last time she was here. “Petra is in love with you, and I know you knew this before she even came to confess to you. She’s been in love with you since she joined Squad Levi and has been extremely loyal. She’s one of the kindest and compassionate people I know and I know you can see that as well. It’s not my place to tell you that you’re wrong about turning her down, but I don’t care. Rejecting her is a mistake. You could both make each other very happy, Captain.” 

Mila’s shoulders dropped after she finished speaking. There. She’d done what she needed to do. She defended Petra, gave a thought out argument as to why the Captain was wrong. Now, she needed to get out before she lost all her nerve.

She stood up to leave when she felt a hard grip on her wrist. “You dare come into my office and reprimand me?” The Captain’s voice was as cold and hard as his touch.

Mila turned to look up at him, her heart pounding. “I brought a morale problem to your attention.” She wrenched her hand out of his grip and continued towards the door when she felt him grasp her wrist again. 

Damn. He was strong.

He whirled her around to face him again, grabbing both her wrists. “You think you’re doing something noble for your friend by trying to convince me to give her the affection she deserves. Well, she won’t get it from me. I don’t have any left to give, and if I did it wouldn’t be directed towards her. She has no future with me.” He stared down at Mila for a beat then let go of her wrists, taking a step back. “I’m sorry for getting physical with you.” 

Mila rubbed her wrists and looked up at him, a hateful expression on her face. “Maybe if you let someone in, you’d know how to be affectionate. All you do is wallow in darkness and despair. There’s more to life than killing monsters.”

“You know nothing about the cruelties of this world, nor the things I’ve seen. I don’t want to hear anything more about this. Dismissed.”

Mila felt her fists tingle as they often did before she let a punch fly. Instead of throwing one, she instead turned to open the door. “You’re a coward,” she hissed before leaving. 

“You’re right,” she heard the Captain answer. “I am.”

Mila returned to her room, the conversation with the Captain whirling in her head. She had pushed aside her own feelings to help Petra out, to make that short bastard see how happy he could be. Instead, he chose to ignore her what she had to say. She couldn’t understand why the Captain would reject Petra. She was beautiful, smart and loyal and…well, she was a woman. The men Mila knew couldn’t resist a beautiful woman throwing themselves at them, at least, until now. 

Thinking about the Captain made her heart race and she forced herself to relax. She looked down at her wrists where the Captain had gripped her. Red welts were forming and they would be visible by the morning. Under other circumstances, being marked in that way would be a sign of a good fuck. However, in that situation, the marks were unwelcome and therefore assault. 

_ You liked it _ , a small voice deep down inside her said.

Mila shook the voice away and sat down on a chair. Looking out the window into the starry night, she was finally able to calm down. She should be thrilled that the Captain showed no interest in Petra, but that felt wrong. Just because he had rejected her didn’t mean he wouldn’t reject Mila as well. In fact, after today’s altercation, she wouldn’t put it past him to figure it all out and ask her to leave Squad Levi. Mila pressed her head against the window and sighed deeply. Once again, she had overstepped a boundary with the Captain. She couldn’t allow herself to continue to fall into that type of situation anymore. Being around him was proving to get more and more difficult, just as Petra explained earlier.

Mila would have to tell Petra what happened between her and the Captain and the thought made her feel anxious. She’d done the exact opposite of what Petra had asked. She should have kept her mouth shut.

She came to a consensus. No matter what happened after tonight, she wouldn’t get involved anymore. She wouldn’t care what the Captain did, or what Petra did. If he came around and decided to give a try with Petra, that would be a good thing. Pushing away all her feelings, she tucked herself in. Her mind wandered, wondering as to what the Captain was thinking about their talk. She shook her head again and squeezed her eyes shut. She didn’t care anymore. She couldn’t care anymore.

And with that, she fell asleep.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Let me know what you guys think in the comments below :) Cheers.  
> -Pandi


	4. Chapter 4

After Mila left the Captain’s office, he sat down at his desk with his head in his hands. He felt like his facade was beginning to crack and there was nothing he could do about it. Petra’s kiss had awakened a warmth in him that if left unchecked would turn into an unstoppable fire, couple that with the fact that Mila’s body was pressed against him only moments ago he felt like he would explode. He ran his hands through his hair and sat back in his chair, sighing deeply. After all that’s happened, the lock he had kept on his emotions was breaking.   
“Fuck,” he stood up from his chair and began pacing around his office, the warmth in his chest was growing, “Be logical.”  
This couldn’t happen, they were at war and emotions weren’t welcome on the battlefield. Having ties with others made things complicated and painful if left unchecked. Even as he told himself this, Petra’s physical touch unstoppered his desire for intimacy that he had been lacking. Being with women to fulfill a need was one thing, but wanting to share in something like that with one person forever was quite another. He thought of Petra and her feelings for him, he knew that if he let himself be with her he could be happy. He also knew that they were entirely different, while she walked in the daylight, he walked in a perpetual night, a night that was completely starless and moonless.  
She deserves someone who lived in that same world, and he would never be that person for her. She was, simply, a part of his squad like the others, even though he truly did care for them. They had been through so much in the last five years, how could he not? They were loyal, intelligent and the finest team he could ask for. Then there was Brandt, she was different from the rest of them and extremely infuriating. She was easily angered by Oluo, always falling for his bullshit and mostly standoffish with the rest of the group, especially with him. She annoyed the hell out of him, and now he knew why. Seeing her green eyes look up at him with such intensity made him realize that he has always been interested in her. He’d pushed those thoughts away when she’d first joined and they’d stayed buried until tonight.  
These emotions were alien to the Captain, and he felt his stomach flip with nausea. What the hell was he thinking? Brandt was just another soldier there to lay down her life for humanity just like him. If she didn’t die in the line of duty, he would likely meet his end before they reached a time that he could act on those feelings. Emotions were a waste of time and energy in times such as these, but he still couldn’t shake off the feeling of her warmth against him. Captain Levi had been with many women, some were clingy and annoying, others were clear about what they meant to him, but Brandt…  
“Damn it,” he sighed again and decided to take a cold shower, he’d had enough of the day and was ready to forget it all.   
Tomorrow morning he would wake up and all these strange feelings would go away. He would wake up and he would forget about her body pressed up against his, he would forget the feeling of Petra’s lips against his and he would continue on in the fight for freedom.  
You’re a coward, Mila’s words came back and rang in his ears. He was a coward, but he was also intelligent. Getting carried away with something like attraction was dangerous and could lead to something deeper and even more awful than Titans. He shook his head, let her think he was a coward, it would keep her away from him and thus his head clear. He opened a door between two bookcases behind his desk and entered his private quarters. After undressing, he entered his bathroom and stepped into the freezing shower.   
The water helped clear his head and stamped out the warmth in his chest, and after cleaning up he went to bed. He stared up at the ceiling and his mind returned to Mila’s features. Her green eyes staring up at him as her wrists were gripped tightly in his hands, her chest pressed against his, her lips…  
He rolled over angrily and closed his eyes, willing himself to sleep and forget about everything that happened. None of this mattered none of this would change anything, he would forget it and move on.   
The next morning, Captain Levi woke up annoyed. He had barely slept, nothing out of the ordinary for him, but it was the thoughts of Mila rather than Titans that had kept him awake. He couldn’t get that damned girl out his mind and he really didn’t want to see her or Petra. Fortunately for him, today was that all-important meeting Erwin had scheduled at HQ that Levi and Hanji had to be at, he’d be able to reach the stables without seeing anyone. He sighed and got up to get dressed when there was a knock at his door. No doubt it was Shitty-Glasses trying to annoy the shit out of him with another one of her “discoveries” and he groaned as he finished dressing in uniform.  
“Name and business,” he barked angrily, tucking his shirt into his pants. Would he ever get a moment’s peace?  
“Mila Brandt,” her voice sounded raspy and tired like she had been up all night, “Personal.”  
Goddammit, he finished dressing and closed the door to his bedroom behind him, sitting at his desk he spoke, “Enter.”  
She walked in and stood at attention before him, her chest puffed out, her legs shoulder-width apart with her hands behind her back. She was always extremely formal with him, too formal, and it never failed to annoy him. After their talk the other night in which he told her that he cared about the squad he’d subconsciously hoped that she would warm up to him. Not that he was ever warm with anyone, but still. After last night’s talk, he knew that the possibility of having a more courteous relationship was out the window.   
“What is it today?” his tone was bored and his expression unaffected, but his heart felt strange, almost heavy.  
Mila’s green eyes settled onto his gray ones, her heart felt like it would explode, “Captain, I would like to apologize for my inappropriate behavior last night.”  
Levi’s eyes narrowed slightly, he crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair, “Your apology is accepted, is that all?” There was no way that was all she wanted to talk about. If she felt that now it was her turn to confess her feelings he wouldn’t be able to handle it. That was all he needed right now.  
“I would like to request a transfer,” she said simply, still standing at attention, her red hair was down today, not up in its usual bun. He kind of liked it that way.   
Fuck, now he was thinking about her hair? This was worse than he’d previously thought.  
“May I ask why?” he said, crossing his arms and quirking an eyebrow.  
Mila took a deep breath and looked down at her boots, “I feel that I am a nuisance to the squad and my anger gets the best of me. I am not a team player and in this squad that is what’s needed. I am sorry Captain, I know that you will find a place better suited for me.”  
Levi’s eyebrow remained quirked and he pursed his lips, “After four years under my command, you've just this morning, come to this conclusion?”  
Mila gulped and continued to look at the ground, “Yes sir.” She could feel her heart in her throat and she wanted to run away. What she had said was a blatant lie, and she knew the Captain could tell.  
“Excuse my brashness, but…” he leaned forward in his seat and put both hands on the desk in front of him, “that’s a crock of horse shit. I’m positive this request for a transfer has something to do with last night’s conversation.”  
Nothing would ever get past him, he was too damned intelligent and observant. Mila sat down in front of his desk once again, this was becoming all too habitual. Their talks were becoming too frequent, boundaries continued to get crossed and asking for a transfer was the only way she could get away from all that.   
You’re a coward, the little voice inside her spoke again, running away like a child.  
She shook the voice from her head and looked out the window, “Even if you’re right, you still care for your squad’s morale don’t you?” she looked at him and smirked, “I’m sure you can find another soldier better tailored to the squad’s needs. Mikasa Ackerman is an incredibly skilled Scout even though she’s just a Cadet, she’s also already seen action. I could assist Squad Leader Hanji with her experiments, or even help Commander Erwin at HQ running paperwork.”  
The Captain continued to stare at her with those cold, gray eyes, “Ackerman would be a valuable asset to our squad.” She really wanted to get away from him, didn’t she? She did have a point, the further away she was the more he could forget all these unwelcome feelings.  
Mila gulped and smiled, he would do it. He would allow her to transfer and she wouldn’t have to be around him every day, and...she wouldn’t feel like she was in Petra’s way. If she left and they got together she wouldn’t have to see it, and for that, she would be grateful.  
“I will consider your request,” he said simply, standing up and walking over to the door, “If that is all, I’ll have to ask you to leave. I have to prepare for a meeting today, and you have to help Eld train the brats.”   
The truth was that he could have her out of there tonight if he wanted to, but something held him back. Not being able to see her was one thing and probably the best course of action, but she was also one of the best. He had chosen her for a reason, she was intelligent, quick and agile and she always had his back. Eld was Captain Levi’s number two, but Mila had always run a close second; she was objectively a good soldier and her skills would be wasted on Hanji’s squad or as Commander Erwin’s aide. He wouldn’t let her go without a fight, but he also knew that if he rejected her request quickly she would just go to the higher-ups and that would be a bigger pain than dealing with this on his own.  
Mila knit her brows in annoyance, “But sir,” She couldn’t bear it anymore, being close to him was becoming a chore, “I’m sure you can see that Ackerman would be better suited to-”  
“Didn’t you hear me?” his voice had a harsh edge to it, he loomed above her, “I will consider it, Brandt. Dismissed.”  
Mila stood up, squaring her shoulders and leveling her gaze with the Captain’s, “Yes sir.” She spat the words out, her face inches from his.  
Captain Levi felt his eye twitch, he was still wound up from last night and she was making it worse. Looking into her green eyes he felt the warmth in his chest return, and he knew that his self-control was coming to its limit. Gods she was annoying as hell, she always stood to damned close and challenged his authority.  
“You have my answer and I asked you to leave,” they still hadn’t moved from their position, both stood toe to toe and their faces inches away from each other, “Am I to assume there’s something else, or is that all?” She was too close, another couple inches and he could…  
Mila’s heart was racing, she could feel the heat emanating from him. He smelled like aftershave and his ebony hair was slightly unkempt, she had to fight herself from reaching up and brushing his bangs out of his face. He was too damn sexy, her body wanted to betray her and feel his heat against her. The tension between the two of them was coming to a head, and if she didn’t move away from him soon he wouldn’t be able to stop himself.  
She stepped back, feeling her heart stirring in her chest and her hands were shaky. She spoke without thinking, “This needs to stop, Captain. You and I both know that this can’t continue if the mission is to succeed.”  
Captain Levi’s face remained as stoic as ever, but on the inside, he felt like a fire had been set ablaze. He’d always had a feeling that the reason she kept her distance from him is because of her feelings for him. She had sensibly kept her distance to continue on with her duty, and now she was asking for a transfer because she couldn’t keep it together anymore. He wanted to be selfish for once, to say all that he was feeling and thinking, to run his fingers through her red hair and kiss her the way Petra had kissed him.  
He sighed and nodded, looking away from her green gaze, “When I go to HQ today I’ll put in a good word with Erwin to see if he will take you on as an aide. Thank you for bringing this morale issue to my attention, if that is all you are dismissed.”  
Mila felt a wave of relief wash over her, and her shoulders fell, “Thank you, Captain. I’ll see myself out.”   
As she left, the Captain felt himself staring after her. He could’ve done the usual song and dance he does when seducing a woman. He could’ve asked her to spend the night with him, he could’ve sated the heat in his chest and his body. He’d say that he could cure her loneliness and his, even if for a little bit, that it could be a no-strings-attached kind of situation until this all came to an end. He also knew that even a small taste such as that would create a never-ending need only she could fill and as much as he wanted it he couldn’t bring himself to suggest even that. He could only watch her leave, and it left him with an ache that was entirely unwelcome.   
He punched the heavy mahogany door and groaned angrily, he looked down at his bruised knuckles and he groaned again. He was late and now he would be distracted all day, he put on his jacket and left for the stables grateful he didn’t run into anyone else on his way there. He left the castle with a sense of relief, he could leave all those annoying feelings back there, at least until he got back. A couple of hours later he met Hanji outside of HQ, a little ways past Trost District.  
“Ah!” she ran over to him and threw an arm around the short Captain, “Finally, Levi, I’ve been waiting almost an hour. What took you so long?”  
Captain Levi shrugged her arm off his shoulders and dusted himself off, “There was a morale issue with the squad, but I’ve taken care of it.”  
“Did Oluo leave his dirty magazines out again?” Hanji teased, but then saw the severe expression on the Captain’s face. “Hey, do you want to talk about it?”  
The Captain rolled his eyes and walked ahead of her, “We’re late enough, hurry up Shitty-Glasses.”  
They reached Commander Erwin’s office and sat down on a couch adjacent to his desk. Erwin’s blue eyes were scanning a paper handed to him by one of his aides and there was a look of annoyance on his face. His blonde hair looked slightly unkempt as if he had been running his hands through it. He sighed and signed the bottom of the page reluctantly, and looked over at Hanji and Levi. He easily towered over both of them, his Adonis-like figure was quite intimidating to many of the recruits but he was highly intelligent and a skilled soldier.  
“You two finally made it,” he sat back in his desk, “it’s very unlike you to be late Levi. Everything alright?”  
Hanji quirked an eyebrow and elbowed the Captain, “I thought we were all friends Levi, tell us what’s going on.”  
Levi brushed the sleeve of his coat off where he nudged her, crossing his legs he gave them both a bored look, “If you both want to talk about your feelings with one another after the meeting do it on your own time. What did you want to talk about Erwin?”  
Erwin chuckled to himself then gave them a serious look, “It seems that we have a couple of infiltrators from outside within the Walls.”  
Levi just quirked an eyebrow while Hanji lost her mind, “What do you mean? There are more Titans getting in somewhere?”  
Erwin stood up and put his hands behind his back, looking out the window and down into the courtyard, “Hanji, you told me that someone killed a couple of your test subjects a few weeks ago. Who would do something like that, unless they were an enemy of the state?”  
“It was probably those MP bastards,” she spat out disdainfully, “They hate what we’re doing, especially now that Eren Jeager is in our custody. Those poor Titans, Sonny and Bean really didn’t deserve to be killed like that.” She wiped away errant tears from her eyes and crossed her arms.  
“The Military Police might not agree with our methods but they wouldn’t do something to impede humanity’s victory. They knew that the research from those subjects would be invaluable to us and give us a greater understanding regarding Titans.” Erwin turned to face his comrades and crossed his arms, “No, it had to be someone from the outside.”  
“Is this another one of your gambles, Erwin?” Levi rolled his eyes and yawned.  
Erwin sat down at his desk and cradled his chin on his hands, “Even if it is, it’s worth exploring and I’ll need you and your squad’s help. I believe an individual or a group of individuals are trying to destroy us from the inside out. Five years ago the Colossal Titan took down Wall Maria, and recently he tried to do the same thing again with Wall Rose. If it wasn’t for Eren, the same tragedy would have happened again and I think those forces are angry that their plan failed.”  
Hanji and Levi regarded the Commander thoughtfully. If he was right, that meant there were other humans like Eren who could turn into Titans and who were working to destroy humanity as they knew it. If that was the case, it had to be a group that joined the military factions within the last five years. More likely, those who survived the Fall of Wall Maria and the Battle for Wall Rose. They could be at the castle right now, and most of the Cadets knew what Hanji was doing with Eren and her Titan experiments.  
“What do you propose?” Levi uncrossed his legs and leaned forward in his seat.  
“If my hypothesis is correct, they want to kill Eren because he foiled their plans.” He sat up straight, hands on the desk in front of him, “My plan is this: we use Eren as bait to draw them out, and capture them for questioning.”  
“Assuming that your hunch is correct,” Hanji stood up and began to pace around the room, “How do you expect us to keep the element of surprise? Should we keep the plan to ourselves or tell those who we trust?”  
“Anyone who has been in the line of duty for more than five years can be trusted with the plan, anyone else is a suspect.” Erwin’s blue eyes met with Levi’s gray ones, “Even your squad can’t know the plan, as much as you trust them.”  
“Another one of your gambles,” Levi scoffed and shook his head, “What’s the plan?”  
Erwin grinned maniacally and got up again, this time walking over to a blackboard on the wall opposite his desk. He pulled down a diagram he had been working on since he’d been informed of Hanji’s dead experiments and grabbed a pointer.  
“Tch,” Levi hit his head against the wall behind him, “You’re as bad as Shitty-Glasses.”  
Hanji huffed and crossed her arms, giving him an icy glare.  
“Never underestimate the power of a good diagram,” the tall blonde man responded with glee, he pointed at the complicated strategy on the board, “Now listen up, this will take no small amount of discretion and planning. I’m hoping you can get your trainees ready to move out within a week.”  
Levi nodded and stood, walking over to the diagram and taking a mental note, “It’ll be done.”  
Erwin nodded and went into the details of the plan, making sure that both Hanji and Levi were taking notes. They would have to keep the plan a secret from the junior level soldiers and knowing how intelligent most of the recruits were that would be no easy feat. They would disguise the objective as a routine supply run, a simple exercise to take the new Cadets outside the walls and show them the ropes. Anyone who had been within the Scouts for more than five years would be part of a group to capture the conspirators if there were any.  
“Are you both clear on the details?” Erwin asked, hiding the diagram by pulling down a map of the Walls over it.   
Both Hanji and Levi nodded and sat back down on the couch as an aide walked in with a tray of tea. That reminded the Captain…  
“Erwin,” he took a sip of tea after running his handkerchief around the lip of the cup, “I have a soldier who has requested a transfer and with her credentials, she would make an ideal aide for you.”  
Erwin took his own cup of tea and sat down at his desk once more, “Again? I told you to be nicer to your comrades, you’ll run out of help at this rate.”  
“It would be in her best interest as well as mine if you were to consider it,” Levi finished his cup and gave Erwin another bored look.  
“Who is it?” Hanji looked up from her own cup and regarded the Captain with her brown eyes.  
“Mila Brandt,” he said cooly, even when he said her name his heart felt heavy, “She is one of the best in the squad, I’ll send her your way once this mission is done.”  
Erwin nodded and quirked an eyebrow but decided not to probe on the need for the transfer. He wouldn’t get a straight answer anyway, but he did need help, “I’d gladly take her on as an aide, especially after next week. I think that this gamble of mine will pay off, as they usually do, and I’ll need someone to help me handle those bastards up in the interior.”  
“If that is all I should be returning to the castle, I need to brief the squad on the ‘supply run’ and we need to get to training the new recruits for the mission.” Levi stood from his perch on the couch and began to walk towards the door.  
“Have a safe trip shorty,” called Hanji, still drinking her tea.  
The Captain rolled his eyes and left the Commander’s office, back again to that damned castle where his squad would be waiting. Where Petra was, probably still pining after him. Where Mila was waiting for news about her transfer, he would have to speak to her again, and soon. He sighed as he reached his horse just outside of HQ and mounted once more.  
Back at the castle, Mila had been avoiding contact with everyone by cleaning out the stables on her own. She hadn’t been ordered by the Captain to do so, but she wanted to keep busy and away from the others. She still hadn’t told Petra about her talk with the Captain, and she planned to keep it that way until she couldn’t hold it in any longer. Petra would have her guts for garters if she knew that Mila had talked to the Captain about what went down between them, and Petra’s anger was something no one wanted. Mila finished mucking out the stables when she heard the sound of hooves on dirt approaching, her heart began to race.   
Sure enough, as she turned around, it was the Captain riding up to her and stopping right in front of the newly cleaned stalls. She gripped his horse’s reigns as he dismounted and led it to its stall, pouring fresh water into the trough in front of it.   
“Good news Brandt,” the Captain didn’t even look at her, he just dusted himself off and began walking towards the castle, “You’re transfer has been approved and you’ll be joining Commander Erwin as an aide next week.”  
She was taken aback, he had worked fast, “Th-thank you sir,” she said, walking behind him, “I’m sure you’ll find someone of better use than me.”  
At this, the Captain stopped in his tracks and spoke without turning, “You’re a good soldier Brandt, the squad will take a hit with your transfer. I know that you’ll be happier away from us, however, and I hope that your morale will be in better spirits.”  
His words felt like a punch to the gut, was he trying to guilt her into staying? “Yes sir, thank you for your concern.”  
He finally turned around to look at her, there was a strange expression on his face, one Mila couldn’t place. It almost looked like he was disappointed, “There is one more mission I’ll be needing you on, but before that, I need you to gather the rest of the squad.”  
Mila nodded and saluted, “Yes sir,” she began to walk away.  
“Did I dismiss you, Brandt?” he asked in the same tone he always used, she would miss that.  
“No sir,” she turned around to face him, “Did you need anything else?”  
“Think about the transfer, Mila,” he said, his tone was slightly warm, “As I said before you’re a good soldier and I picked you for a reason. I approved the transfer and if you really want to go through with it I won’t stop you, but ask yourself this. As an aide to the Commander, will you be content running paperwork between him and those stuffed shirts in the interior? Will you feel like you’re doing your duty for humanity?”  
Mila looked into his gray eyes and opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.  
“You are dismissed, Brandt,” he said, walking past her into the castle.


	5. Chapter 5

After the Captain had debriefed the squad on the supply run mission enacted by Commander Erwin, he dismissed them to their quarters for lights out. They would begin training the new recruits early tomorrow morning and he wanted everyone well-rested. Mila had avoided everyone thus far and planned to keep it that way, if the squad found out about her transfer request they’d be pissed off, especially Petra. She successfully made it back to her room after a shower and locked the door behind her.  
“Why have you been avoiding me all day?” Petra’s voice sent a shiver down Mila’s spine and made her gulp.  
She turned around guiltily and shrugged, “I guess I was busy all day today, you know...the Captain made me clean out the stables again.”  
Petra didn’t look convinced, she sat on the bed with her arms crossed and her head cocked, “I didn’t see you at dinner, either. When I do see you at the debriefing you sit far away from me, so I can only assume that you’re trying to avoid me.”  
Mila walked over to her dresser and grabbed a hairbrush, “I guess I was just distracted today.” She was screwed, Petra always knew when Mila was acting different and she always found out whatever she was hiding.  
Petra raised an eyebrow skeptically and stared at Mila with those massive blue eyes that always seemed to look right through her. They were disarming, and they were probably the reason Mila could never lie to her.  
Mila finished brushing her hair and sighed deeply, sitting down next to the blonde girl, dammit.  
“You talked to the Captain even after I specifically asked you not to, didn’t you?” She had a harsh tone to her voice, and every word felt like a dagger to Mila’s heart.  
All the redhead could do was nod and look down at the patterns in the wood grain on the floor beneath her feet. She could feel the anger in Petra’s voice and didn’t want to see it in her friend’s face.  
“I’m sure you did it out loyalty to me, but I told you that in confidence when it should have stayed between the Captain and me.” She sighed deeply and uncrossed her arms, putting a hand on Mila’s shoulder, “ But I forgive you.”  
Mila looked up at her friend and smiled sheepishly, “You just want to know what he said.”  
Petra smirked and chuckled, pulling her hand away, “Well, yes, but I also want you to know that if the roles were reversed I’d do the same for you.”  
Mila looked down at her hands again and nodded, “I know.” If Petra knew how Mila truly felt about the Captain, she wouldn’t be saying that to her.  
“Well,” Petra had a slight blush on her cheeks and nudged the redheaded girl next to her, “What did he say?”  
Mila bit her lip and felt her heart race, “W-well um,” she had hoped she would have better news to share but she felt like she was adding another wave hurt onto the girl, “He said that he, uh, well…”  
Petra nodded with understanding and sighed deeply, “It didn’t change anything, huh?”  
“No,” Mila said simply, this time she put her hand on Petra’s thigh in a comforting gesture, “I’m sorry.”  
Petra looked at Mila’s hand and smiled sadly, “Can you tell me exactly what he said?”  
Mila sighed and took back her hand, “Are you sure? I don’t want you to keep feeling like shit on that short bastard’s account.”  
Petra gave Mila a look that said to get on with it, “I can take it.”  
“He told me that he didn’t have the capacity for emotions, and even if he did…” she took a deep breath and swallowed hard, “they wouldn’t be directed at you. I’m sorry, I’m being harsh and I could have said that in a nicer way but you asked for his exact wording.”  
Petra looked nauseated, but she still held that small smile, “So, it’s not me.”  
Mila gave her a confused look, “What do you mean?”  
“No one can be that heartless,” she said, a look of pure sadness across her face, “No matter how cold and unapproachable he makes himself look, he cares deeply about us...about you.”  
Mila felt her chest tighten and her eyes widened, “Uh, no,” she turned away from Petra, “I think all he meant by that was that he wished we lived in a better world in which he could indulge in something like love.”  
Petra laughed humorlessly, “He’s a coward and you’re an idiot for believing such bullshit. Pretending not to care about others comes at a price, soon enough people will hate you for it, they’ll hate you for being cold and unapproachable.”  
“Maybe he’s just being smart Petra,” Mila raised her voice at her friend, she clenched her teeth, “We’re in a war, things like love are a distraction. Even caring for the squad is a risk, what if you all died tomorrow? Do you know what that could do to a person? To me?!”  
Mila got up and put her hands on the window sill, she looked out into the night and sighed. The night was dark and moonless, it reminded her of the darkness she fought every morning she woke up. The darkness that Petra chased away with her friendship, that Eld, Gunther, and Oluo helped her forget. Even seeing the Captain helped her remember all the wonderful things this world had to offer, and if she lost all that she would be plunged back into a deep despair that she may never return from.  
Mila heard the bed creak as Petra got up to stand behind her, “It’s risky business caring for others, especially in the world we live in now. If you do lose us tomorrow all that matters is that you spent your time with us, creating memories with us, laughing with us. As I’ve said to you many times, enjoy this season of friendship and love. Be honest with yourself and others, or you might just regret it.”  
Mila turned to face Petra and gave her a conflicted look, “He cares for you Petra, for all of us. Maybe after all this is over, he could even love you.”  
As much as Mila didn’t want to think about them being together, it would be good for Captain Levi. Wallowing in darkness for too long can destroy a person, and Petra had a knack for turning on the light.   
“I think that my being honest was a catalyst for opening his heart again,” she sighed and looked down at her feet, “but I won’t reap the rewards from that. I’ve seen the way you look at him Mila and the way he looks at you…”  
Mila shook her head and rolled her eyes, “That’s nothi--”  
Petra put up a hand to stop her from talking, “I’m not stupid, you love the Captain as much as I do. Maybe even more, and you shouldn’t feel like you need to push us together because of my feelings. I’ll find my happiness, and I don’t want to stand in the way of yours.”  
Mila sighed and scoffed, “I promise you that even if I did love the Captain, which I don’t, he doesn’t feel the same way about me. Besides, making a move on him would make me a shitty friend.”  
Petra smirked, “We’re human, and that comes with the messiness of hurt and love. Promise you’ll be honest with him, just as I was?”  
Mila shook her head and looked away, “I don’t care for him like that, he’s my Captain. That’s all.”  
Petra raised her eyebrows and nodded, a skeptical look on her face, “Whatever you say Mila, but I want you to know that when you decide to stop running away I’ll be there to support you, just as you always support me. Good night.”  
The blonde girl left the room in a hurry, not wanting to talk anymore about the Captain. Petra felt heartsick, she was sad, angry, happy and jealous all at the same time. She would never have the Captain’s affections and that made her sad, she was angry because Mila had spoken to him after she had asked her not to. She was happy because she knew that her kiss and confession of love made her feel like she could move on and not carry this weight with her. Most of all, however, she felt jealous that Mila was the one that held the Captain’s favor. She knew that feeling would dissipate with time, especially knowing that Mila loved the Captain as much as she did, maybe even more so.   
After Petra left, Mila kicked over the chair in front of her desk and groaned. She found out, as much as Mila tried to keep it hidden, Petra still found out about her feelings toward the Captain and it made her feel like shit. She was worse than the women in the brothels of the main towns, those women were paid to seduce men. Mila knew about Petra’s love for the Captain and still felt like she had a claim to him even though Petra loved him first. She would have to do something nice for the girl the next time they got together, and she hoped that Petra didn’t hate her now. She left so quickly she couldn’t explain herself, not there was really anything to explain that she couldn’t figure out herself.  
Mila calmed down enough to straighten up the chair and sit at her desk, burying her face in her hands and gripping her red hair tightly. Petra had told her to be honest with the Captain, but she couldn’t. The thought made her stomach churn with nerves and her palms sweat, besides, she already knew his answer and confessing wouldn’t change it. It was absolutely pointless to make her feelings known, he probably already knew anyway, the same way he knew about Petra.   
You’ll be out of here next week, she thought to herself, you just have to make it to next week then you’ll barely see him.  
The thought was comforting and she knew that if she just kept her head down and stayed away she’d make it through without interacting with the rest of the squad too much. Petra would feel better about Mila being gone anyway, it couldn’t be easy knowing your best friend was in love with the same man you were. Yes, she would make it to next week and then become an aide for the Commander, she’d be as far as she could get from the Captain and her feelings as possible.  
Will you feel like you’re doing your duty for humanity? The Captain’s words echoed in her ears and she shook her head. She groaned and rolled her eyes, the Captain had gotten to her. She had joined the Scouts for a reason, to see the outside world for Silas. Now she would abandon that dream because she had fallen in love with some short bastard? The way that he said those words to her today seemed like he was trying to convince her to stay. He had chosen her, out of the top ten in her class, he’d chosen her to join his personal Titan death squad. She was running away from her life’s purpose because of a schoolgirl crush, and she would be damned if she let Sila’s last wish be unfulfilled.  
“Goddammit,” she muttered, head still buried in her hands. She sat back in her chair and sighed, “I HATE when she’s right.”  
Petra was always right, and this was another of those times. Mila wouldn’t confess her love as she had suggested, but she decided that she wouldn’t run away from it either. She needed to see the outside world and answer all those questions little Silas had, that every child within those cursed Walls had. Petra’s words still echoed in her mind, telling her to confess and be honest with herself and the Captain.  
She loved Captain Levi, that was honest enough, but confessing that to him was entirely stupid. It would make her feel foolish and just piss him off, especially since Petra had confessed her feelings shortly beforehand. Being honest about loving him with herself was enough, being near him was near unbearable but not impossible. No, she would see her duty fulfilled, if not because of honor but her own stubbornness.   
Mila sat up and rolled her eyes, another restless night would be upon her, but at least she wouldn’t be a coward. She would stay with the squad, she would have the Captain’s back and together they’d destroy those disgusting creatures and regain their rightful place in the world.  
The next few days were a blur. Captain Levi worked the Squad and the Cadets to the bone, they went over the supply run details over and over again until they were second nature. The Squad set up training exercises for the newbies by bringing out the practice dummies and taking them to the woods to hone their ODM skills. Eren Jeager was excused from his Titan experiments with Hanji to join in the training for Commander Erwin’s supply run. Everyone was curious as to why the training exercises were being taken so seriously, even some of the senior officers were confused by the sudden change in attitude. No one dared express their opinions, however, and the day finally came that all their training would pay off.  
Every Cadet, Officer, and Leader stood at attention in front of the stables as Commander Erwin arrived early that morning. The Commander dismounted his horse and saluted all his troops. Captain Levi, Hanji and a few of the other senior officers took their places behind him and stood at attention.  
“Today we go outside the Wall!” Commander Erwin’s deep voice boomed above the sound of the horses and the wind, “Thank you all for your hard work. I trust that by now, you all know the plan. We are doing a routine supply run so you all can get a feel for what it’s like to be outside the Walls. Before setting out please meet with your designated Leaders so you can be assigned to your position within the formation.”   
With that, the Scouts broke their formation to meet with their respective Leaders. Eren Jeager left his fellow Cadets behind and joined Captain Levi and his Squad. After they each readied their horses to leave, the Captain ordered them to gather around him.  
“We will be at the center of the entire formation,” his voice was bored and collected, “it is easily the safest position and will keep us away from any Titans that will likely pursue us. Under no circumstances are we to engage with any of them, that’s what the Rearguard is for.”  
Mila, Petra, Oluo, Gunther, Eld, and Eren gave each other concerned glances. They were all skilled fighters but they weren’t allowed to engage with any hostiles, that seemed a little odd.  
“What if our position is compromised, Captain?” Eld spoke up, his voice was filled with confusion, “If our comrades are being killed and we can do something to stop it--”  
“Oi,” the Captain interrupted Eld and looked at Eren coldly, “Listen up brat, you’re under strict orders not to use your Titan powers. Understood?”  
Eren’s green eyes widened and he gave the Captain an annoyed look, “But Captain--”  
“Understood?!” the Captain shouted, a dangerous edge to his voice. His eyes were severe and looked almost black.  
“Roger!” Everyone spoke in unison and mounted their horses, awaiting further orders.  
Mila looked around at the intense faces of the senior officers, for a supply run they seemed awfully on edge about it. It was as if they were expecting something terrible to happen. They had run drills over and over again until the Cadets could do them in their sleep and would act like it was the end of the world when one of them would mess up.  
“Something is wrong,” muttered Eld, looking around at the concerned faces of the Cadets and the stoic expressions of the senior officers.  
Mila nudged her horse closer to Eld’s and leaned in to hear what he was saying, “What do you mean?”  
“Look around,” he said, his blue eyes scanning every cart and piece of cargo they carried, “The first supply run we did together wasn’t this intense. Something bigger than that is going on and, for some reason, we’re not allowed to know about it.”  
Mila looked around at the heavily packed carts, filled with crate upon crate of unknown cargo. The senior officers were in charge of the cargo, only a few of the Cadets would be helping guard the carts on their trek through the outside. She then looked around at her fellow squadmates’ expressions which were a mixture of annoyance and concern. Even Petra who was the most easygoing of the group seemed anxious about the mission.  
“MOVE OUT!” Commander Erwin’s voice rang out clearly over the din and everyone and their mounts followed closely behind him.   
After the Scouts cleared the forest around the castle and the outer gate near Stohess was well behind them the final formation came together. As planned, Squad Levi took the centermost position within the formation, followed closely behind by senior officers and the carts carrying the mysterious crates. Hanji was a part of this group and seemed concerned about the jostling of the carts during the ride. She was particularly worried about the heavy wooden boxes breaking open and destroying the contents inside.  
“What’s Four-Eyes bitching about now?” Oluo’s poor impression of the Captain’s bored tone reached the Squad’s ears, “She’s acting like it’s the end of the world back there.”  
Gunther shot him an annoyed look, “Don’t you understand that there’s something bigger going on here than a supply run?”  
Oluo began to speak again but was interrupted by Captain Levi, “Starting from now I want complete silence until we reach our destination. Understood?”  
“Roger!” Once again the Squad spoke in unison, and they returned to watching the horizon for any signs of trouble.   
The landscape around them felt like it was holding its breath as if it too were waiting for chaos to ensue. Mila could hear the breath of their horses with perfect clarity, the thrumming of their hooves on the ground was almost hypnotic as they continued forward. Suddenly, a sharp explosion whizzed up into the sky followed by a line of red smoke, the first Titans of the day had finally shown up.   
“Red!” called out Eld, shooting off his own red flare to signal the rest of the formation.   
After his own shot, the rest of the Scouts shot off signals to confirm the sighting. A red flare signaled a horde of Titans following the formation, but it also meant that it wasn’t a threat to their expedition. The Rearguard would take care of them and the rest of the formation would continue as planned. A yellow flare signaled a need for reinforcements and to reroute the entire expedition. Finally, a black flare signaled an extreme emergency; it could mean a Variant has appeared, or that the entire Rearguard had been decimated.  
Mila shuddered at the thought of seeing a black flare, she’d never seen one in action. Squad Levi had come across many variants during their times outside the walls, however, they’d never lost anyone to them...yet. She was frustrated with how things were going down today, she felt like the Commander had left them in the dark purposefully and she imagined that he felt that there were traitors among them. She couldn’t imagine that anyone in Squad Levi would be such a thing, especially after what they had been through together but she could be wrong.  
There are monsters all around us, Captain Levi’s words came to her and she looked around at the Squad once again. Just because she couldn’t fathom one of the squad being a traitor didn’t mean that there wasn’t one, it seemed like Captain Levi didn’t think it was unimaginable. Petra would never betray them like that, Mila knew that for a fact, she would stake her life on it. She would stake her life that everyone within Squad Levi was loyal to the cause, but she also understood the Commander’s caution. These were dark times, and even though their main enemy were the Titans, who was to say there weren’t other humans like Eren who were enemies of humanity as well?  
Another pop of a flare sounded off, this time Petra was the one to spot it first and her blue eyes widened with horror. A black line of smoke painted the sky from the rear left of the formation. The world seemed slowed and desaturated as she watched the signal rise up then begin to fall.  
“That’s near Armin and the others!” called out Eren, his voice was filled with concern and rage, “We need to do something!”  
Petra gave the boy a pitying look, “BLACK!” she called out, but before she could shoot off her own flare, Captain Levi beat her to it.  
The sharp sound took the Squad out of the trance the black flare had invoked and they looked to their Captain for orders.  
“Oluo, Gunther,” the Captain barked, “You will ride alongside Eren. Petra and Eld, you will ride behind. Brandt will ride in front of Eren while I lead the way. Do not break formation under any circumstances. Do not engage with hostiles, and do not leave Eren’s side! He is the most important asset within the formation.”  
“ROGER!” they all clamored, taking their places to create a protective barrier around the 15-year-old boy.   
Mila looked at the Captain as he rode ahead of them. His back had been to them the entire time, never once looking back to check their surroundings. His ebony undercut billowed in the wind along with the emerald green cape around his shoulders. He never showed weakness during times of great duress, and Mila had always admired that strength. No matter what others said about his cold demeanor or his merciless gaze he was still humanity’s greatest soldier.   
More flares rose up, and soon the sky was filled with red and black smoke signaling the fracture of the formation. Even though the rest of the Squad and the carts behind them were itching to subdue the threat Captain Levi continued on. It made Eren absolutely mad, and the Squad felt the same way though they knew they needed to trust the Captain. As infuriating as the entire situation was, the Captain had yet to lead them into certain death and they trusted him no matter what.  
Looming in the distance was a forest of giant trees, more than 50 meters tall and it seemed to be the location the formation was heading. Why would Commander Erwin order the Scouts to travel through the forest? It was leagues away from the supply silos; all of the suspicions the Squad had were confirmed. This wasn’t a supply mission or an exercise for the Cadets to gain exposure to the outside world, as far as they knew, it was a suicide mission. Commander Erwin sure loved his gambles, and this was definitely one of them.  
While Squad Levi, Hanji and the carts entered the forest, what was left of the formation was stopped just outside of the giant trees. The Cadets and officers were delegated to waiting in the trees, just outside of the reach of Titans. A distraction to keep them busy while the real work happened just inside. Everyone was on edge as the Titans stood before them, pawing at the large trees and jumping up to grab any soldier that didn’t remain vigilant. They were ordered not to engage however, so all they could do was stare down at the horrible monsters. Large eyes and ugly faces looked up at them, the Titans didn’t hunt humans as a food source to survive, the Scouts had surmised that they were bloodthirsty creatures. They kill humans because that’s just their nature, they’re the monsters that haunt humanity, the bane of their existence.  
Hanji led the carts and her squad in an opposite direction from Squad Levi, leaving them to give their horses a break. Captain Levi ordered them to stop by a stream they’d found nearby and water the horses as quickly as they could. He looked around the forest, ever vigilant and waiting for anything to pounce from the shadows. All he could hear, however, were the sounds of the stream and the horses drinking thirstily. Once he felt that they’d rested enough, he ordered the Squad to mount again and follow him deeper into the forest.   
“Sir, what are we doing in this forest?” Eren’s voice cut through the silence, “Our friends are back there dying and all we’re doing is running away.”  
Captain Levi continued his silent pace, never looking back or acknowledging the boy. The entire Squad was on edge, hoping that in a few moments all their questions would be answered.  
“We have to trust the Captain, Eren,” Petra spoke up and gave him a compassionate look, “and you have to trust us.”  
Suddenly, a sound like rolling thunder rang out through the forest. The horses whinnied in a panic but continued their steady pace, while everyone looked around to find the source of the sound. Booming sounds came from the East of them, they sounded like massive footsteps, and that could only mean one thing.  
“TITAN!” Eld called out, as he was looked back to find the source of the sound he spotted a flash of blonde hair and white sinew.   
Captain Levi continued to look ahead as if they were having a lovely ride through the countryside. He said nothing, stoic as ever, his expression was blank.  
Eren looked back to see a massive Titan just behind them, 15-meters tall. He had learned during his training days that Titans had male physiques, and no discerning features to distinguish them as male or female. That was not the case here, this Titan was very obviously female, even though she had no skin. It had long blonde hair, blue eyes, and a very menacing grimace she was also very, very fast. Eren’s instinct was to immediately go into Titan form, he raised his hand up to his mouth, ready to bite down.  
“EREN!” Petra yelled out, her eyes wide with fear, “NO! You can’t!”  
“The hell I can’t!” He yelled back, putting his hand in his mouth.  
“Trust us!” she said, her voice ringing out clearly even above the sound of the booming footsteps behind them.  
Eren looked down at her hand, the one carrying the bite mark from that day. He had accidentally turned into a Titan and the Squad had tried to attack him, but the Captain stopped them. They trusted Eren after that, biting into their hands as Eren did to trigger his Titan form. An apology for doubting him, and they’d never given him a reason to break that trust since.  
“Please Eren,” Mila called back, he looked at the mark on her hand as well.   
“This guy is a killer,” Captain Levi shouted, still not looking back at them, “Once he sees a Titan, all bets are off. He’s a monster.”  
“Don’t do it Eren!” Eld jumped into the conversation as well, his eyes pleading with the boy.  
Eren looked around at the Squad, their faces full of concern and questions that he also had, but they still trusted the Captain. He ground his teeth and put his hand down, urging his horse to run faster.  
“Goddammit!” he yelled out, a cry that signaled his relent.  
He decided to trust them, Petra, Mila, Oluo, Gunther, Eld, and the Captain. He trusted Commander Erwin and his plan, as infuriating as it was to be left in the dark he abandoned his plan to turn into a Titan.  
“Don’t look back!” Called out Captain Levi, and everyone just ground their teeth with frustration.  
The Female Titan followed close behind them for a couple more leagues, her feet were close to crushing them with every step but they evaded her every move. Coming to the deepest part of the forest, a lurch in the atmosphere signaled the Female Titan’s increase in speed.  
“CAPTAIN!” Eld shouted, “SHE’S GAINING!”   
Captain Levi didn’t even look back, he saw a flash of light in the trees and led his Squad through a thicket.   
“FIRE!” Commander Erwin’s voice was followed by sounds of cannon fire.   
The Squad looked back to find the Female Titan being peppered with what looked like metal rods that had a wire attached to the end.  
“See Eren,” called out Oluo, pulling up next to the boy, “We always need to trust in our Captain. That’s something a brat like you needs to learn.”  
“Please,” Petra rolled her eyes and looked over at the awestruck boy, “he was about to crap his pants just like the rest of us.”  
“Brandt,” Captain Levi called, “Join Hanji’s squad and assist them with the capture. Report back when the job is done, we’ll get Eren back to the castle.”  
“Roger!” she called back, dismounting her horse and using her ODM gear to meet up with Hanji’s squad.  
She found them perched on a wooden platform, the mysterious crates held the metal rods. The plan was to capture the Female Titan, there was a traitor among the ranks and that’s why the Captain didn’t tell the Squad; the element of surprise would be lost.  
“Beautiful, innit?” Hanji’s voice reached Mila, her grin was wide and proud, “I came up with it myself. Every time she moves the wires tighten leaving her immobile. I can’t wait to see who’s inside!”  
“FIRE!” Commander Erwin’s voice boomed again, another wave of explosions sounded through the forest.   
The blasts continued a few more times until the Female Titan had metal rods protruding from every inch of her body. From where Mila was standing, she looked terrified. Her hands covered the nape of her neck and there was an armored quality to them, she was protecting whoever it was inside. She tried to move, but her muscles were tightening because of the wire and soon enough she was stuck.  
“Oi!” Captain Levi had used his ODM gear to stand on her hands covering the nape of the neck, “We’re going to find out who you are, and then we’re going to kill you.” His tone was dangerous and mocking, Mila thought he was celebrating a little too early.  
A horrible shriek left the massive Titan’s mouth, a scream that was the epitome of fear and horror. It chilled Mila to the bone and suddenly, another rumbling like thunder shook the forest. Almost immediately, a horde of Titans broke through the trees and pounced on the Female Titan.   
“They’re eating her!” Mila cried out, unsheathing her blades and ready to jump into action.  
“Protect the Female Titan at all costs!” yelled Commander Erwin.  
His squad along with Hanji’s sprung into action, Mila followed suit and took down two 8 meter Titans when another shriek pierced the air. She snapped her head to look at the Female once more, she had broken free of her bonds and lunged towards Squad Levi. The Captain noticed as well, but the Titan was too fast and used her massive foot to squash Petra against a tree.  
“NO!” Mila screamed, her heart felt like it had been shattered into a million pieces, “PETRA!”  
Down below, Oluo’s rage built up within him and he shot off an anchor from his ODM gear to stop the Female Titan once and for all. As soon as the hook made contact with her shoulder however she grabbed the wire and pulled him into her hand. She squashed him like a bug and focused her attention toward Eld and Gunther who had sent Eren running.  
“Goddammit!” Eld looked over at Gunther and sprung into action, “You’re going to pay for that, you bitch!”  
Gunther tried to anchor onto her calf and slice through her heel, but she was quick on her feet. She stepped down killing him with a kick that sent him flying up into the air. Eld used that moment to move in on the nape of her neck but she was expecting that and in a fluid movement she caught him in mid-air and slammed him down onto the hard ground.   
They didn’t stand a chance, Eren thought as he urged his horse away from the carnage. His eyes filled with tears as he looked back at the Female Titan who was starting to follow after him once more. All of them are dead because of me.


	6. Chapter 6

They’re all dead because of me.  
The tears in Eren’s eyes spilled out over his cheeks and his teeth clenched, he had made the wrong decision and now everyone was dead. He looked back at the Female Titan once more and steeled his resolve, stopping his horse he dismounted in one swift movement and faced the threat head-on.  
Raising his hand to his mouth, he gave her a look of seething hatred before biting down hard. An explosion of heat and steam appeared as Eren’s Titan form grew from bone and sinew into a full-fledged monster. He let out a battle cry and ran full speed at the Female Titan closing in on his position. She hesitated slightly before matching his intensity, his fist meeting her face as she reached him.   
The Female Titan staggered backward before regaining her footing and her eyes flashed with anger. She stood before Eren, bringing her fists up close to her face in a fighting stance. Eren recognized the stance, but before he could place where he had seen it she made her move to sweep his leg. He was on his back in an instant, the Female Titan above him trying to lay waste to his face. Every time she would gear up to punch him he would move his face away from her blows, causing her to punch the ground instead of making contact.  
As she screamed with frustration he took advantage of her distraction to flip them so he was on top of her. He snarled inches away from her face, gearing up to punch her in the face when she punched him away. Once again Eren’s Titan form was on his back, the Female Titan standing above him with smug energy surrounding her every move. His hands were still regenerating from how hard his punches had been, he was now trapped. A whizzing above their fight distracted him, Mikasa Ackerman’s face was filled with concern and she was ready to strike the Female Titan while Eren kept her attention.  
The Female Titan was too fast, however, and in a swift movement, she flipped him over onto his stomach and bit the nape of his neck. Ripping Eren’s human form out of the Titan body, she pushed him into her mouth and looked up at Mikasa. She covered the nape of her neck, engaging the hardening method she used before and began to run from the black-haired girl.   
“EREN!” she cried, her voice cracking at the sight of her life-long love being devoured.  
“Ackerman!” Captain Levi’s voice cut through the forest, he was flying through the trees being followed closely by Mila, “We must recover Eren at any cost!”  
Mikasa used her ODM gear to follow close behind the last two survivors of Squad Levi. They were just above the Female Titan, flying through the treetops trying to keep pace with her frantic escape.  
“Brandt, I need you to go for the Achillies tendons,” Captain Levi’s face remained as stoic as ever, however, there was an intensity to his eyes, “I’ll go for the shoulder tendons, that should drop her arms down long enough for Ackerman to blind her and slice open her mouth to extract Eren.”  
Mikasa’s face was full of rage and determination, “Roger!”  
“NOW!” he called out.  
They broke their position, each of them drawing their swords to make contact with their respective targets. After Mikasa threw her blades into the Female Titan’s eyes, Mila was able to sever the Achilles tendons which in turn making her fall to the ground. The Female Titan sat up against a massive tree, keeping the nape of her neck hidden while being able to cover her mouth with her armored hands. Mila remained up in the trees to keep an eye out for an opening when Captain Levi began to do what he did best: rend flesh from bone.  
He was faster than her hardening ability and before she could even regenerate her eyes, he had sliced her shoulder tendons to ribbons. Her arms fell uselessly to her sides, and as quickly at the Captain, Mikasa was able to slice open her jaw and take Eren out. This all happened within a span of fewer than two minutes, a new record for taking down a Titan and an intelligent one at that. Mikasa carried Eren all the while maneuvering through the trees of the giant forest. Mila followed closely, trying to keep the dark thoughts out of her mind until they were out of danger. Captain Levi followed behind the two, waiting to spring into action if needed. He doubted the Female Titan could regenerate that fast, but he wouldn’t take any more chances. As they whizzed through the trees once more to rendezvous with the rest of the Scout Regiment, he looked back to see the Titan crying. He had never seen such a sight before, the doubts he had about it being another human were now gone as that was a very human reaction to being defeated. He looked down at the forest floor flying below them, soon they would reach the sight of the carnage that monster had wreaked upon his squad.  
It had happened again, he had lost more people to the monsters of this world. This time he felt stronger than before, the pain was still the same but he expected it now. He saw the bloodstains on the pine needles on the ground and looked up at Mila’s back. He knew what she was feeling, they had been in the same squad together. They’d dined with the same people every morning and every night, over the past five years they’d gotten to know each other and grew together. They’d seen death and destruction at the hands of the Titans, but they helped each other out of that darkness. Now...that was gone.  
Mikasa, Eren, Mila, and the Captain reached the rendezvous point without any more casualties. The grim faces of Commander Erwin and Hanji greeted them without any words. Just behind them, the carts that were filled with those mysterious crates were now filled with the wrapped bodies of their comrades. Mila couldn’t bear to look at them in that moment, instead, she helped Mikasa carry Eren to an empty cart where he could rest. The boy was unconscious, his body had taken a beating and no doubt the stresses of the day had left him weak.  
After putting him down in the cart, Mikasa climbed in after him, ready to stand guard in case anything else came to pass. She gave Mila a mournful look and then looked down at the boy once again. Mila walked over to a horse that had been readied for her, she sighed deeply and mounted it. Now was not the time to think, they needed to retreat back inside the Walls and rehash a new plan to capture the traitor. She had no doubt that it was someone within the 104th Cadet Corps, and she knew that Commander Erwin had surmised that far before anyone else.  
“MOVE OUT!” Commander Erwin called out once more, they would ride until they reached the Wall. No rest, no water, no talking until they reached the safe haven of Wall Rose and Trost District.  
Captain Levi watched Mila as she continued to keep up her false pretense of calm. He looked down at his own mount and put a hand on one of the saddlebags, sharp pain radiating through his chest as he did so. He mounted the horse and followed close behind her. They silently guarded the cart in which Eren and Mikasa rode in.   
The formation reached the outside of the forest once more, back into the open where they’re mobility gear was at its least useful. Rumbling followed them once more, Titans of the regular variety lured by the smell of the bodies they carried.  
“They’re going to catch up to us!” One of the soldiers driving the cart of bodies called out, looking back at the Titans.  
“You have to abandon them,” Captain Levi was as collected, as usual, his face expressionless.  
The soldiers driving the cart looked at him in disbelief, “They deserve a proper burial!”  
“We’ll be next on the burial list if you don’t set them loose now!” he barked, his eyes narrowing with annoyance.  
Mila kept her eyes on the horizon as the soldiers reluctantly threw the bodies out of the cart. The sick thud of her comrades’ corpses would be forever ingrained in her memory, she couldn’t bring herself to look at the sight as well. She felt tears prick her eyes and she closed them to keep them from falling, this was not the time to mourn them.  
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her eyes still closed. She willed the wave of despair to pass and finally regained her composure and opened her eyes.   
With the cargo lessened, they were able to make headway faster and reached the Wall just after dusk had settled. Once inside, the townspeople that had sent them away on such high spirits earlier in the morning regarded them coldly. They could tell by the look on their soldiers’ faces that the mission had failed, and their whispers of dissent and anger reached the Commander’s ears. As usual, Commander Erwin ignored the pointed comments about leading his people into slaughter and led his troops back to HQ where they could rest and heal.  
Eren was taken to the clinic and was followed closely by Mikasa and Armin, their faces full of concern and exhaustion. The rest of the Cadets who weren’t injured were told to clean up and get some rest. Hanji and Commander Erwin locked themselves away in his office, no doubt trying to come up with an excuse to give the MPs. What was left of Squad Levi was relegated to waiting in a dingy kitchen near Commander Erwin’s office.  
Mila’s white pants were covered in dirt and blood, her fingernails were black with mud and her face had a couple of scrapes from the small branches whizzing past her. The Captain was in better shape than she was, he drank his tea with the same bored expression he always wore. Mila felt like her body was tied down with heavy stones, a deep ache filled her chest as she watched the Captain continue to sip his tea. She felt like her soul had left her body, and she wished she could be as nonchalant as the Captain. His reaction made her angry, it was as if he hadn’t gone through such an immense loss mere hours ago.   
Mila slammed her fist on the table, “How the fuck can you sit there and drink your tea as if nothing happened?”  
He finally looked at her, a cold look of annoyance in his eyes, “Excuse me, that is no way to speak to your commanding officer.”  
Mila’s face flushed with rage, she reached over to grab the cup of tea from his hand and threw it across the room. The cup hit the wall with a deafening shatter the tea staining the yellowing wallpaper.  
“Was that necessary?” His tone remained bored, he shook his head at the mess she made, “You’ll have to clean that up now.”  
Mila flipped screamed with rage and flipped the table, “Shut the fuck up!” The Captain remained unbothered by her actions, in fact, he sat back in his chair and crossed his legs. The action infuriated her even more, and she got right up in his face, “How dare you tell them to get rid of the bodies?! You had no right!”  
“You would have rather been eaten?” his face remained unchanged, he looked up into her green eyes.  
“You fucking short bastard!” Mila raised her hand to slap him, but he caught her wrist and gripped it tight, “Let me go!”  
The composure the Captain had been trying to hold on to was now gone, the same rage Mila had was reflected in his eyes, “Keeping the bodies doesn’t change the fact that they’re dead!”  
“No,” she felt tears prick her eyes as she tried to pull away from his grip, but to no avail, “But now their families won’t have anything to bury or visit!”  
He finally stood up and let go of her wrist, he stood toe to toe with her once more, “The mission was more important than all that, you should know better than to let your emotions get in the way of your duty.”  
Mila laughed humourlessly, a harsh sound that made the Captain’s chest heave with despair, “Classic Captain Levi, cold and uncaring as ever. In case you didn’t notice, we’re all that’s left because of your dumbass call! If you had let Eren turn into his Titan form they would still be here!”  
The Captain loomed over her, a dangerous aura emanated from his person, “I was only following orders, just like you. If you hadn’t spent your time frolicking with them you wouldn’t be feeling this way now.”  
Mila stepped back and just like that, tears spilled from her eyes. The thought of never seeing Petra’s face again or hearing one of Oluo’s ill-timed remarks made her feel like she couldn’t breathe. She would never taste Eld’s coffee again or help Gunther take down a Titan. She had done the one thing she wanted to avoid, she grew to love each and every one of them and now they were gone.  
“I made the same mistake you did once,” Captain Levi looked away, “Emotions are messy, but now you know and you won’t let yourself be carried away again.”  
“She loved you,” Mila’s voice was broken and breathy, the words had escaped without her consent.  
The Captain turned away from her and ran a hand through his hair, “That was her mistake.”  
Mila grabbed his arm to make him face her, but he gripped her wrist once again, “You loved her, too.”  
The Captain’s shoulders stiffened and he faced Mila once more, still gripping her wrist, “I cared for my squad, yes.”  
“Be honest with me, Captain,” Mila’s voice was barely above a whisper, “but more importantly, be honest with yourself.” She wrenched her wrist from his grip once more, rubbing the red welt beginning to form.  
Saying that he loved them was too strong a word, but he had grown to be very fond of them throughout the years. He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a patch of the Wings of Freedom. He took Mila’s hand once more, and gently placed it within her grasp.  
“What’s this?” she turned the patch over to find Petra’s name stitched into the back of it. Mila covered her mouth to stop the sobs of despair from escaping, but she couldn’t do anything about the tears spilling out once more.  
“This is how I want to remember them,” the Captain’s voice had a mournful tone to it, “they gave their hearts for humanity, and we have to honor that memory and do the same.”  
Mila looked around at the mess she had made in the kitchen, her emotions had gotten the best of her once again. She gripped the patch tight and closed her eyes, an image of Petra’s smiling face greeting her.  
The Captain watched as the last of his squad sobbed in anguish, his heart crying out with her. His gray eyes were black with sorrow, and he didn’t know what to do to comfort her.  
“Th-thank y-you,” she managed to say, the sobs abating, “I’m sorry I called you cold and uncaring.”  
“You’re not wrong in that assessment,” he looked down at her tear-stained face, he fought the urge wipe them away, “It’s the only way I can protect myself.”  
She nodded and put Petra’s patch into her breast pocket, securing the button tightly so it wouldn’t fall out.  
“I’m glad that you’re still here, Mila,” his voice was husky, and he was looking away again.  
Mila felt her breath hitch in her chest at his use of her first name, she looked at the Captain, “I’m glad that we both made it out of that damned forest.”  
“No,” he snapped his head towards her, unconsciously reaching for her wrist again, “If you had died with them…” he didn’t finish, he couldn’t.  
Be honest, Petra’s soft voice echoed in Mila’s ears and the sound brought a fresh set of tears to her eyes.  
“Captain,” she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, “this was a traumatizing day for the both of us, so anything we say here right now is off the record.”  
He nodded, still gripping her wrist, “As you wish.”  
“Petra loved you,” she started, her voice thick once again, “she had the wherewithal to tell you before she….The night before she told me to be honest with myself and with others. That being human came with messy emotions and many other unwanted and hard things. Right now is not the ideal time, but after watching her die I can’t let her wishes go unresolved. So, Captain…” Mila’s head was spinning, but after all the devastation she had witnessed today there was a strange warmth in her chest. She knew it was Petra, she was there with her, supporting her like she said she would.  
“C-Captain, I love you.” The words left her lips, and it felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Petra had been right, it was freeing to be honest and get it out there in the open.  
Captain Levi’s eyes widened slightly, he had his suspicions about her feelings for him, but he didn’t think she would confess so soon and in light of recent events, he didn’t think she would do it at all. Her wrist burned in his hand, and he felt the need to let go and step away. He needed to put that wall back up and push away all she had said, and yet he couldn’t stop himself from stepping even closer to her.  
Mila’s heart was racing, the loss of her comrades and the exhaustion of the day had gotten to her. She had imagined the Captain’s eyes filling with a warmth she had never seen, and stepping close to her so his face was inches from hers. There was nothing left to say, she wanted to leave his presence and go to sleep. The heaviness of her limbs and heart had dissipated with her confession, even though the absence of her comrades’ made her feel empty.   
The Captain could see that she was ready to leave and more than likely want to mourn in private, but the loneliness he had been feeling for years ached more than ever before. After all they’d been through within the past few years he could honestly say that he loved her too. It was probably the pain talking, and he would blame his lapse in judgment on that for the time being, but he pulled her close and kissed her forehead.  
Mila was enveloped in the Captain’s warm embrace, her chest was pressed against his and her hands carefully found themselves on his back. His warm lips brushed her forehead, causing her legs to turn to jelly as the man she loved gave her affection that she didn’t deserve. Guilt stabbed Mila in the heart as she pulled away from his arms, and turned away from him.  
“I’m sorry,” he said simply, his voice was hoarse.  
Mila shook her head, still facing away from the Captain, “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I let my grief get the best of me and took advantage of you in a time of weakness. Forgive me.”  
The Captain nodded, grateful that she had pulled away. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep himself from tearing off her clothes and claiming her. They could blame it on the grief and call it a night, but what they were feeling was deeper than that and he didn’t want to sully it by pretending that they were just getting carried away.  
“You are forgiven,” he said simply, his chest was on fire and it took everything in him not to kiss her.  
Mila silently began to clean up the mess she had made in her anguish and the Captain helped her. They avoided touching each other as much as possible, worried that a simple brush of the hands would destroy what little boundaries between Captain and subordinate were left. Once the table was upright, the chairs pushed in and the broken teacup cleaned up they awkwardly looked around the room.  
“We should get some rest,” Mila finally said, wringing her hands uselessly, “it’s been a long day.”  
He didn’t want her to leave, he wanted to stay in that dingy kitchen and keep her company. He knew that once she left, every dark thought that plagued him every night would return with a vengeance. He didn’t want to be alone in the darkness anymore, and now that he shared that darkness with Mila he wanted to do everything he could to help her heal from it.   
As if reading his mind, Mila began to make another pot of tea. The Captain sat back down in his chair and listened to her putter around the kitchen and finally set down the kettle along with two teacups and a bottle of whiskey. They sat in silence drinking their tea that was more alcohol than tea. They silently toasted their fallen comrades and thoughtfully looked down at their cups. Neither of them spoke, instead, they were a pillar of strength for the other. They didn’t need words of comfort or a kind gesture, they just didn’t want to be alone with their thoughts. For now, this was enough for both of them and even though they were the last of their squad, they felt closer to them than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was shorter than the others because I felt that it was super-charged with intense emotions. All feedback is welcome, if you see any mistakes I'll gladly go back and fix them. Sorry for the formatting, I'm new to AO3 and still trying to figure out how to make it look how it does in my google docs.


	7. Chapter 7

Captain Levi and Mila sat in that kitchen the entire night, the bottle of whiskey was depleted but they never grew drunk. Sitting in silence with Captain Levi was strangely comforting, his presence felt like a beacon of strength. He didn’t say a word, he didn’t try to make a move he only sat before her and drank his whiskey tea. Even though Mila’s confession of love still lingered in the air between them, the loss of their comrades was far too fresh to ignore. The thrumming in Mila’s heart from his tender kiss turned into a hollow ache, and she felt like she was going to cry once more. The shadow of what Squad Levi once was hung around them like a cloud of smoke and the pain was stronger than the alcohol they drank.

The Captain was never summoned to the Commander’s office, so they surmised that a full plan had yet to be made. A pale stream of dawn filtered in through the dingy kitchen window making Mila and the Captain fully aware of their filthy appearance. He looked over at the small cuts on her face and the dirt in her fingernails, there was blood splattered across her white shirt that he only assumed was from a comrade since Titan blood vaporized almost instantly. Her strawberry blonde waves hung around her face, pine needles tangled into them and her emerald green eyes were filled with darkness. She looked like hell, and he supposed he wasn’t too far behind. He felt grimy and his skin was itching for a shower. 

“You guys look like shit,” Hanji’s voice filled the dank kitchen. It was an eerie sound after being in silence the entire night.

Neither Mila nor the Captain spoke, they just looked over to see her standing in the doorway with her arms crossed. Her hair was out of its usual ponytail and extremely messy it was as if she had been running her hands through it the entire night. 

She sat down next to the Captain, picked up the empty bottle of whiskey and examined the label, “This stuff was expensive. You didn’t save me any?”

Silence met her again, neither Mila nor the Captain had the energy to pretend that nothing had changed. 

Hanji sighed and set the bottle down, “Commander Erwin and I have come up with a new plan to capture the Female Titan, however, we have to wait until Eren confirms a few of our suspicions.”

Captain Levi finally spoke, his voice hoarse with exhaustion, “His last gamble didn’t pay off and he already wants to try again? We’ve lost our entire squad and I’m not risking what’s left of it on another suicide mission.”

“We’ve narrowed down the suspects to a very select few that were Eren’s comrades in the 104th Cadet Corps.” Hanji took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes, “I know that you two have lost your entire squad a mere few hours ago but it’s crucial that we find the Female Titan. Not only has your squad been decimated but we’ve lost a great number of Scouts throughout the Regiment because of her actions. We must bring her in to answer for her crimes.” 

Silence filled the kitchen once more as they thought about all the blood that has been spilled. Squad Levi wasn’t the first loss the Scouts had experienced throughout the years and they wouldn’t be last, they couldn’t lose their nerve. It was the new world order in this cruel existence, in order to make progress, sacrifices had to be made and this was another offering on the altar of war. Mila knew this, and still, she felt the ache of loss within her chest.

_ They gave their hearts for humanity _ , once again Captain Levi’s wisdom entered Mila’s mind,  _ we must honor them and do the same. _

“What does the Commander propose?” Mila’s voice pierced the silence, her throat felt thick with emotion but thankfully her voice sounded strong.

The Captain’s eyes flicked over to look at her, and he saw the determination in her eyes. He thought she would let her grief get the best of her, but she had proved him wrong. He wouldn’t have to carry a broken soul around, they’d be able to lean on each other once more and for that he was grateful.

A look of approval spread across Hanji’s face and she put her glasses back on, “We need to find out if there were any features or gestures the Female Titan possessed that Eren might have recognized. After that, we can formulate another plan that revolves around that specific person’s habits and capture them for questioning.” 

“All this is hinging on whether Eren noticed a familiarity between the Female Titan and a former comrade?” Captain Levi’s dull voice was full of annoyance.

“How many more gambles will the Commander make in our quest for freedom?” Mila leaned back into her chair, the emptiness in her chest spreading out into her limbs. She felt like she was numb, pins and needles encompassed her entire body making her want to punch a wall just so she could feel something other than sadness.

“As many as it takes,” Hanji looked over at Mila, “Freedom has no price.”

The Captain remained silent, but it was clear he agreed with her. Mila knew why they had survived the crushing weight of their comrades’ deaths, why there weren’t any qualms about sending out more and more to die. It was a soldiers’ duty to give their hearts for humanity, to be the strength that they all needed regardless of their own fears and desires. It was the same duty that kept Mila out in the front lines for her little brother Silas, a duty that she had to commit to now more than ever before. They were so close, she could feel it and she would sooner be cast into the deepest pits of Hell than to turn tail and hide within the Walls.

As hard as it was to get back on the horse of war and continue the fight, she knew that her place was beside the Captain. When they finally get to see the outside world they’d be able to taste that freedom that Squad Levi desperately needed. It would represent a great victory, not only for those who were still alive but for those who had passed away in the line of duty. Those deaths would not be in vain nor forgotten, their blood will water the tree of freedom and prosperity. Captain Levi met Mila’s intense green gaze, her energy had shifted from dark despair to one of cautious hope. As he stared at her, Mila felt a strange wave of shared companionship and knew that the Captain wouldn’t allow her to do this alone. He would be there as he’s always been, since the beginning when they were all together and he would continue on until his last breath. 

“I know how it feels to be the last one standing,” Hanji looked at Mila who sat across from her and put her hand on hers, “You will get through it, you have it in you. Do it for them.”

Mila looked at Hanji’s hand, even after everything that happened she knew what she had to do, “The only way to win is to fight, anything less means death.”

Hanji took her hand back and stood, “I’ll go see if Eren is awake and send him down to meet with the others, then we can go from there. Naturally, we can’t go on with so many of the new recruits injured so the Commander is proposing a few days of recovery before training and moving forward with the plan.”

Captain Levi rubbed his eyes and stood as well, “We should get going then. Mila and I will escort the Cadets back to the castle.”

Mila felt her eyesight go fuzzy as she stood from the hard wooden chair she’d been sitting in the entire night. Her circulation had been cut off near the back of her knees and she felt light-headed, the alcohol had affected her more than she initially thought. 

“Mila, are you still thinking of transferring?” Hanji asked, her eyebrows were raised, “We could really use you out in the field.”

Mila’s gaze shifted between the Captain and Hanji, their faces grim and serious. If she left now, she wouldn’t be able to fulfill her mission. She’d made a promise to the Captain, to Silas, and to humanity, she’d given her heart. “I was hand-picked by the Captain to free humanity from this hell. I will die on the battlefield as my comrades have done before me.”

“Good, report back with the Captain then,” Hanji said, she saluted them and left the kitchen.

She watched as Hanji left the kitchen leaving them alone once more. Her skin itched to be clean and she couldn’t imagine how Captain Levi was feeling, the man was an absolute clean freak. She looked at the smudge of dirt on the bridge of his nose and the small tears on his shirt from whizzing through the trees, his hair was unkempt as well and, for some reason, she liked it that way.

“What are you looking at?” His voice reached her ears and she felt her cheeks burn. 

“Just waiting for your move Captain,” she said, her voice slightly cracking as she spoke. 

“Move out then,” he walked over to the door and grabbed the handle, “and Brandt, I’m glad you decided to stay.”

Mila smiled to herself and followed close behind, “What would you do without me, sir?”

After gathering the rest of the Cadets along with Eren, Armin, and Mikasa, what was left of the Scouts followed Captain Levi back to the castle. As they rode through the country, Mila couldn’t help but think about the Squad and how strange it felt to return without them. The castle had been their home for the last five years, and it would no longer be filled with joy and laughter. She wouldn’t see Oluo and Gunther down by the stables or find Eld and Petra in the library dusting it once again because the Captain had hated the way they’d done it the first time. She would be alone in the Officer’s Wing, she wouldn’t have to fight for the showers or the bathroom. Her chest was tight as they reached the castle once more, finding the aura around it to be dark and solemn as if it knew what had happened.

The Cadets returned their horses to the stables in silence and went off to their barracks. Before they’d left HQ, Commander Erwin had announced his orders for rest and recovery in the next few days until Captain Levi felt they could start training again. Looking around at the weary faces of the Cadets, Mila could tell they’d at least need two days off to push away the thoughts of death and anguish from their minds. She needed to get away from all those faces, to a place she could be alone and finally let everything out. She tacked her horse up in its stable and decided that before cleaning up, she would head to the river Petra loved so dearly. 

It felt strange knowing that she wouldn’t find the blonde girl there waiting for her with a spread of their favorite foods on a picnic blanket and sporting a goofy smile. They wouldn’t swim together on warm days or lay back and find figures in the clouds. Mila would never hear Petra laugh at her jokes or see her smile that brightened even the darkest of days. By the time Mila had reached the water’s edge, she was a mess of tears and quiet sobs wracked her body. She walked into the shallows fully dressed and pulled out the patch Captain Levi had given her out of the breast pocket it would forever live in. 

Tears blurred her vision as she looked at Petra’s name stitched into the back of the emerald fabric, “You should be here with him, not me…” Her voice was hardly a whisper.

Petra should’ve been the one to share that tender moment with the Captain, not Mila. Petra should’ve survived that vicious attack and came out victorious. If Mila hadn’t frozen up at that moment they’d all still be here with her, but all she could do was watch her comrades be murdered before her very eyes. She had placed her trust into the Commander and the Captain, and now that trust lay shattered on that bloodied forest floor. It was unfair to feel that way, she knew that they couldn’t have predicted what happened but their call led to the deaths of the four individuals Mila had grown to love. 

Not only was Mila filled with sorrow and hate, but guilt had wormed its way into her mind as well. She had told the Captain how she felt, just like Petra had wanted her to, but she didn’t think that her confession would make him respond the way he did. Every ounce of affection the Captain had to give belonged to Petra, not to her. As comforting and warm the touch of his lips on her forehead was, she couldn’t help but feel like she’d stolen something from her fallen friend. She had let her emotions run away with her, as usual, and the anguish of losing the entire Squad had manifested into that single action that she wished she could take back. 

“I’m a shitty person,” Mila said bitterly, looking down at her reflection in the placid river, “I told him like you said to, but now I’ve stolen something that should’ve been yours.”

The dark clouds that had been forming above the castle since they’d arrived suddenly parted and a small ray of light fell onto the river where Mila stood. The patch in her hands felt warm, and a soft breeze brushed her tear-stained cheeks. Mila’s eyes widened as she looked down at the patch, every nerve in her body felt overwhelmed with a strange sensation. It felt like a summer breeze was wrapping her in an embrace, and the tears fell harder than before.

“P-Petra?” she looked around at her surroundings, listening to the leaves of the willow tree near her rustle in the wind. The sound of the river rushed past her, and the ambient noises of animals skittered around her making her feel less alone.

_ Enjoy this season _ , Petra’s sweet voice was on the wind and filled her with comfort and love. She was here. Somehow Petra was here with her.

“I-I will,” Mila choked out, bringing the patch of fabric to her lips, “I’m sorry. Tell them...I’m sorry.”

The ray of light slowly dissipated and the breeze died down, the sound of the river and the animals stopped. She was alone once more, but somehow, she was less sad than before. The rage and sorrow that had been festering in her since the day before, were replaced with peace and reassurance. She knew that the loss of her friends would leave a permanent scar on her soul, and no amount of time would fully heal it. She also knew that holding onto the pain and the hate would destroy her and that wasn’t what they would’ve wanted. 

Mila looked down at her leather boots that had grown soggy and her pants were soaked through from standing in the river. She secured the patch back into her breast pocket and dove into the frigid water. She swam to the bottom of the river and reveled in the cold darkness, the sounds of the river filling her ears. In her mind, she said goodbye to silly old Oluo, Eld, Gunther, and Petra, their faces flashing before her mind’s eye. She knew she would see them again, if not soon, and stayed under the crushing darkness a few more moments. The water washed away the grime and blood from her hair and clothing, and when she surfaced she somehow felt lighter. 

“I was worried I would have to jump in there after you,” the Captain’s voice met her ears, and she snapped her head around to look at him.

He sat perched on a boulder near the shore, an elbow resting on his knee and a bored look on his face. During the time Mila was at the river he had bathed and changed into civilian clothing, he wore a plain white button-down, black slacks, and black shoes. His hair still seemed slightly wet from showering, and the dark circles around his eyes had lessened somewhat.

“How did you know I’d be here?” Mila stayed in the freezing water and felt her teeth chatter. She knew that if she stayed submerged any longer she’d catch her death of cold, but she also knew that her fully white ensemble would be entirely see-through.

“Tch,” the Captain’s eyes flashed around the woods around them, “I used to come here all the time until you and your friend claimed it as your own. You really should invest in a bathing costume.”

Mila’s eyes widened and her breath hitched in her chest, “What?” Did that mean that he’d seen Mila in nothing but her underwear all those times she’d gone swimming with Petra? It made her blood boil.

“Get out of that water before you die of hypothermia,” the Captain called, he hadn’t moved from his perch on the stone and it didn’t look like he was leaving any time soon.

“You have to leave,” her voice cracked again, this time with embarrassment, “I’m indecent.”

“I’m well aware,” his voice was still dull but his eyes glinted with something, “There’s a towel waiting for you near the shore. Hurry up.”

Mila wanted to swim back down to the bottom of the river and drown herself. He would see everything when she stepped out, what good would a towel do after such humiliation? “Turn around!”

Captain Levi felt himself chuckle and turned his head away from the redheaded woman in the river, “As you wish.”

“All the way!” she called back, not satisfied with how small his movement was. He could easily flit his eyes over and take a look.

“Tch,” he stood and faced away from the river, crossing his arms in annoyance, “It’s not like I’ve never seen a woman’s naked body before.”

Mila’s cheeks burned hotter and the cold that she was feeling dissipated as she walked back to shore and wrapped the towel around her shoulders, “Short pervert.” she muttered under breath.

Without asking for her assent to turn around, the Captain resumed his perch on the boulder and looked at the soaked girl. She was fully clothed and sopping wet, and though he’d given her a towel he could still see her pale skin faintly through her pants. He thought back to when he had held her last night and wondered if she would let that happen again. Should he let himself indulge in such fantasies? He had crossed a boundary the night before, but he’d done that before when he grabbed her wrist and pressed her up against the door. He felt his loins stir and looked away from the girl, angrily reprimanding himself.

“Why are you here?” she walked up to where he was sitting and stood above him, her cheeks were still flushed. She noticed that under him was a handkerchief that kept his clean self from touching the rock below.  _ Damn germaphobe. _

“To check and see that you hadn’t done anything stupid,” he lied. He wanted to be near her again, when she was away from him the emptiness of the castle walls felt overwhelming. “Go back to the castle and warm up before you get sick.”

Mila sat down on the boulder on which the Captain was perched with her back to his and wrapped the towel tighter around herself, “Not yet.”

His presence was comforting and if she left she’d be alone with her thoughts again. She knew it was the sadness that was making her feel this way, but she couldn’t help it. She craved his presence and his touch, to feel some sort of intimacy that she couldn’t get from the men in town. It was wrong to want something like that from him, especially so close to the death of their comrades but her body ached for some sort of release. A way to distract herself from the darkness that waited for them when they went to bed. 

Her mind wandered to what the Captain looked like without his clothes on, whether he had scars on his body and how the callouses on his hands would feel on her bare skin. She thought about his lips and how warm they’d felt on just her forehead and how they’d feel pressed against her own. She wondered what the Captain was like in bed, and she felt her body flush at the thought. Thoughts like that definitely distracted her from the pain but they also sent a stab of guilt through her heart. She was fairly certain that encroaching on the Captain so soon after Petra’s death was considered a disgraceful move. 

During those beats of silence, she hadn’t realized that she’d pressed her back into his. His warmth was a beacon, welcoming more thoughts of the Captain into her mind. It felt solid and strong against her own and she fought the urge to run her hands over it. The Captain felt a wet spot begin to form on his back but he didn’t care, even though it wasn’t the touch he was looking for it was still welcome. She hadn’t left or moved which meant that she wanted this as much as he did, the thought made his chest feel warm once again as it often did when he was around her. They sat back to back, staring at their surroundings and listening to the sounds of the woods. Neither of them had the courage to make a move, and they hoped that the other couldn’t hear their racing heart. 

“We could blame it on the grief,” he said finally, the words had left his lips without his permission.

Mila stiffened at his suggestion and sat up, leaving his warmth, “We could.” Her voice was monotone, and her heart began to race.

The Captain had turned around to look at her, his lips were parted slightly, “It would never happen again.”

Mila stared into those dead gray eyes that now held a light she’d never seen, “We could let it die with them afterward.”

The Captain stared at her with an intense gaze, he looked at her full lips and began to lean in, “If that’s what you want.”

Mila watched as the Captain leaned into her and pressed his forehead against hers. His breath was ragged and his arms reached around her waist to pull her close, his fingertips bruising themselves into her sides. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tangled her fingers into his ebony locks, making his breath hitch in his chest. Before their lips met, however, Mila’s mind flashed back to a memory of Petra talking about her kiss with the Captain. Her eyes widened and she wrenched herself from his grip, standing up and holding a hand over her mouth.

The Captain’s shoulder’s slumped and he ran a hand through his hair, still feeling the tingles from where she had placed her fingers. He sighed deeply and looked away from Mila, “Is this about Petra?” he asked simply.

Mila didn’t have to answer, it was written all over her face, “I’m sorry, sir.”

“You don’t have to call me ‘sir’ when it’s just you and me, Mila,” the use of her first name made her ache even more.

“Respectfully sir, may I be dismissed?” she ground her teeth and dug herself deeper into the towel, wanting to escape his intense gaze.

He turned away from her to look at the river once more, heaving another sigh he spoke, “Dismissed.”

Mila ran as fast as she could, her legs carried her all the way back to the showers in the Officers Quarters. Her core ached with need and her heart was filled with guilt and anger. Every time she got close to the Captain all she could think about was Petra and her feelings for him. Even though he’d told Mila he didn’t think of her like that, she couldn’t help but feel like she was breaking some sort of unspoken rule. Petra had given Mila her blessing to tell the Captain about her feelings, but that didn’t mean she got to sleep with him too. Mila peeled off her wet clothes and let the hot water warm her frozen bones, she washed her hair out and scrubbed herself until her skin was raw. She felt like she was trying to wash away the feelings of guilt and lust that ran rampant across her body, but no matter how hard she scrubbed they wouldn’t disappear.

After her shower, she escaped to her room and locked the door behind her. She expected to see Petra sprawled across her bed reading a book and reprimanding Mila for making her wait so long. She was instead met with a clean and empty bedroom, she fought the urge to trash her dwelling. Her thighs were still inflamed from thoughts of the Captain and his strong hands and muscular back. She decided that she would indulge that depraved and sick part of herself. If her guilt wouldn’t allow her to forget her sorrows in the arms of the Captain, she’d escape them in the arms of another man. 

She bent over and pulled out a small trunk she kept hidden under her bed and angrily slammed it onto her chest of drawers. Opening the trunk, she lifted out a cobalt blue dress, silver jewelry that consisted of drop earrings and a necklace, and matching blue heels. The dress had belonged to her mother and Mila had inherited it before she passed. Her mother always told the story of how Mila’s father had fallen in love with her the first time he’d seen her in it. Mila’s intentions weren’t so pure, however, and she often wore it into town to find someone to share her bed for the night. The dress was floor length and had long flowing sleeves, it was extremely low cut and showed off her shoulders and cinched her waist. It showed off every curve Mila had to offer, and the color made her pale skin look like ivory and her auburn hair look like fire. 

Mila knew that once she put on this dress and a lusty persona along with it, no man was able to resist her charms. She’d had to repair the clasps on the back more than once as many of her lovers had gotten too excited and ripped it off of her. It had been a month since she’d last worn it, and she looked over it for any tears or rips. Finding nothing wrong with the garment, she slipped it over some silk underwear she wore for such occasions. She dabbed her neck and wrists with some gardenia perfume, another heirloom from her mother that she only wore on special occasions. Putting on the jewelry and the shoes she looked at herself in the mirror. Since she had plaited her hair right out of the shower, her hair had dried into soft waves that flowed freely down her back. She knew she looked good, and she hoped that she’d be able to make her escape without anyone seeing her.

She put a simple gray cloak over her dress so it wouldn’t get muddied and made her way down to the stables. Having sex with a man while she remained unmarried made her promiscuous, but she didn’t care. The town she went into often didn’t recognize her out of her army fatigues and tight bun, and with the blue dress she so often wore, she had become quite famous among the men. They often called her the “blue rose”, and many former lovers waited for her at a tavern she frequented. Her quest for release was all she could think about, and she didn’t see the Captain in the halls as she passed. 

A floral scent of gardenias filled the hall Captain Levi was in, he was headed back to his office with a fresh pot of black tea when he caught wind of it. He saw a cloaked woman cross in front of him and race outside into the cold night. His eyebrows furrowed, thinking about that one time Oluo told him the castle was haunted. He followed after the woman, seeing her cross over to the stables and mount Mila’s horse and realized that it, in fact, was Mila. He wondered where she was off to so late in the evening, his chest warming at the sight of her. He hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind since their encounter by the river. No doubt she was trying to escape him and the emptiness of the castle, and he couldn’t blame her. 

His chest ached as he watched her horse disappear into the night, wishing he could escape the darkness that threatened to overtake him once more. He had made the suggestion of quelling their grief with each other. He had said that it could be a one-time affair and never spoken of again, and at first, she seemed okay with that. Then she pulled away from him, and that warmth he hadn’t felt in years disappeared yet again. He knew it was because of Petra, though he didn’t quite understand why that was stopping her. He told her he didn’t hold any feelings for the girl, and yet Mila remained guarded and withdrawn. Hell, he’d thrown himself at her, something he’s never done and she still ran. 

He ached for that release of pain and sorrow he only ever really found whenever he slept with a woman and he knew that if he went into town he’d find countless girls who wouldn’t even give it a second thought. For whatever reason, however, he wanted to share that pleasure with Mila and he chalked it up to the fact that they’d both survived a traumatic event together. The other night he admitted to himself that he loved her, and now he was skirting the issue by hiding behind his grief. He actually hoped that if she had said yes to his proposition earlier, and they’d gone through with it, he’d be able to move on. A little voice inside him told him otherwise, and he knew that once he tasted that tender release with her it would be the end of him.

_ Fuck. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to update, thank you all for your patience. I just had my wedding anniversary with my husband so I took a few days. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, any feed back is welcome!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains sexual violence, if this is triggering to you please do not read. You have been warned.

Lively music and shouting greeted Mila as she entered the tavern in town, and the smell of alcohol and tobacco temporarily washed away the dark thoughts that plagued her. She pushed aside her usual obedient and quiet demeanor for a coquettish and suave persona. Leaving her cloak on a coat rack near the entrance, she sauntered her way over to the bar and delicately perched herself onto a stool.

She fluttered her lashes at the bartender and leaned over enough for her cleavage to be prominently seen, “Whiskey on the rocks if you please sir.” Her voice was like a purr, and her green eyes were narrowed sensually.

The bartender, Lou, was a rotund and balding man with a whisp of a mustache on his lip, he always ignored Mila’s advances and would roll his eyes. He, however, was never unkind to her and often kept her company when the tavern was slow, “Coming right up, it’s been a few weeks since you’ve graced us with your presence. The boys were getting restless.”

Mila’s lips quirked up in a smirk as Lou placed her usual drink in front of her, “I thought I’d make them suffer a bit before giving them what they want.”

Lou rolled his eyes and looked over at a table near the back of the tavern, he gestured towards it with a nod, “There’s a gentleman over there that’s been asking for you since the last time you were here. Your usual room is prepared for your ‘visit’.”

Mila finished the drink in one gulp and blew Lou a kiss as she stood up to meet the stranger, “You’re a doll.”

“Just make sure you pay your tab at the end of the month,” his voice had a hint of teasing to it.

“Don’t I always?” she called back, sauntering away from the bar towards the table.

Lou didn’t respond, instead, he scoffed and went to serve another customer. He never asked for Mila’s name or wondered who she was, she kept the men happy and coming back to his tavern. His wife never seemed too happy to know that the elusive “blue rose” had returned for another of her escapades, but he always assured her that whenever she stopped by their business doubled. That placated the missus every time, so he continued to tolerate her inappropriate advances. 

Mila made it to the table Lou had told her about to be met with a very familiar face, she was sure she’d seen him before but she couldn’t place his name. He had narrow blue eyes, a square jaw, black hair and was quite handsome. Mila didn’t really discriminate against looks when she was out and about, but she never complained about a handsome man wanting her affections for the night, it made it all the better. 

“I heard you’ve been looking for me,” she slid into the booth and sidled in right next to him placing a hand on his knee, “So here I am.”

The man looked over at Mila and gave her a suggestive smirk, taking her hand and guiding it further up his leg, “It’s been a while gorgeous, I thought I’d have to send a search party out to find you.” His words had a harsh edge to it, he was well into his drink.

“I saved you the trouble,” she purred, though she had the sudden urge to leave. His energy made the hairs on the back of her neck prickle with an unpleasant feeling, and that evil glint in his eyes was more familiar than ever.

“You don’t remember me, do you?” He had slid a hand over her lower back and pulled her closer to him, his breath smelled of liquor, “You should really lay off the drink.”

Mila smiled uncomfortably and pulled her head back slightly, “I recognize your face, just can’t place a name.”

“You really do get around don’t you slut?” His words became harsh and slightly angry, but he still held that evil smirk.

Mila felt herself gulp and lowered her gaze, as uncomfortable as he made her feel this was what she had wanted. She was used to being degraded by many of her lovers, most of them wanted the accomplishment of being able to sleep with the “blue rose”. She was nothing more than a prize to be won to them, she would never find true affection or love but that’s what kept her coming back. She didn’t deserve love, not the kind that Petra talked about anyway, this was the only human connection she’d ever let herself experience.

“Allow me to introduce myself again, the name’s Ian,” he took another drink from his pint and sighed, “Now, shall we get to the evening’s festivities?”

Mila’s hand was almost on the man’s ever hardening member, her chest felt tight with disgust but she continued to smile, “I have a room ready for us upstairs, the last door on the left. Meet me up there when you’ve finished your drink.” She purred in his ear and kissed his neck teasingly, then got up head towards the room Lou had prepared.

“Make sure you get ready for me sweetness,” his voice dripped with cruelty, “I’ve been saving up for you.”

Mila’s hips swayed as she walked up the stairs to her usual room, and as soon as the door was closed behind her she fought the urge to lock it. She looked around at the small chamber, a red satin bed took up most of the room and lit candles sat on almost every surface. Lou always made the room seem romantic, like an escape for two lovers, but Mila knew it was anything but. On occasion, she would have a lover who cared for her pleasure and helped her forget everything she’d been feeling. However, most of the time she’d have men like Ian, who would abuse her, use her and then leave as soon as they were satisfied. 

She looked at herself in a mirror that sat in front of the bed, she deserved everything she would get tonight. She was a disgusting woman that no honorable man deserved, especially someone like Captain Levi. She thought about their encounter at the river earlier today and felt her body yearn for his touch once more. His lips were inches from hers once again, his muscular hands were wrapped around her waist and his fingers dug into her. The feeling still lingered when she touched her sides, sending little bolts of lightning through her body.

He’d asked her to be with him as a man and a woman should, and she turned tail and ran under the pretense of grief. The truth was that even though she felt guilty about Petra, she felt like she would taint the experience with her used body. The Captain was more than likely used to bedding pure and virginal women, women that were very much unlike Mila. She sighed and turned away from her reflection, sitting on the bed and mentally preparing herself for the night’s main event. She had come here looking for a distraction from the Captain and the death of her comrades but instead found them in every corner. Everything she did reminded her of them, and she couldn’t get the cold look of annoyance in the Captain’s eyes when she pulled away from his embrace. 

“Knock knock,” Ian’s harsh voice echoed through the crack in the door and he walked into the room, “I hope you’re ready to be ravaged by a real man.”

Mila gave him a pained smile and stood from the bed, “Maybe you can remind me of what I’ve forgotten about the last time we met.”

Ian walked over to her and stood over her menacingly, he was easily taller than her. She stood at the same height as Captain Levi, maybe a centimeter shorter, but Ian was easily six feet tall. A shiver of fear flowed through her bones but she shook it away.

“Such a beautiful dress,” he said, running his hands over her shoulders and down her arms to touch the fabric, “It’s quite a shame that I’ll have to rip it off of you.”

Mila smiled up at him, “I could remove it for you, give you a little show. This dress was my mother’s and I’d like to keep it in good shape.” She began to undo the clasps on the back.

Ian’s eyes grew icy and cruel, he gripped her wrists and spun her away from him, “I don’t think you heard me. I’m going to rip this dress off of you, I’m sure your mother would prefer it. Using it to whore yourself out to any man that gives you attention, you must be the shame of the family.”

Mila bit her tongue, everything this man said rang true in her mind. He was drunk and belligerent, but he was speaking the truth that Mila hid behind the mask of a soldier. She didn’t cry out when he tore the back of her dress open, leaving her bare back for him to see. From what it sounded like, this would be a tear that she wouldn’t be able to repair.

“Such perfect porcelain skin,” he purred in her ear, “You’re just as beautiful as the last time I saw you.”

He turned her to face him once again and crashed his rough lips against hers with a hard kiss. His tongue forced its way into her mouth, she tried fighting it off before he overpowered her with his drunken strength. He pushed her onto the bed, never breaking the kiss and pinned her hands up above her head. It was of no use for her to fight back, as much as she hated it this is what she’d come for and she would see it through. His kisses were rough and cruel, he bit and sucked her tongue and she was sure that by the end of the night, her lips would be bruised. 

“Come on doll,” he hissed into her ear and licked down her neck, “You showed me such a good time last time. Don’t tell me you’ve lost your touch?”

Mila shuddered at his touch and ground her teeth, “I assumed you wanted to be in control. I’m content letting you take me however you see fit.”

He growled in her ear, his hot breath making her feel sick, “And I will. But first, get up.”

He got up off her and pulled her upright on the bed, taking a knife out from his boot he cut the dress off of her. Mila watched in horror as her mother’s dress was left in rags on the floor, and she fought back tears. She gave Ian a spiteful look and resisted the urge to fight back, a fight she was sure she’d lose, especially in his drunken state. 

“Look at you,” he stared at Mila’s almost naked body, she was left in her silk panties and the blue heels, “Put your arms down so I can see those beautiful breasts.”

Mila closed her eyes and lowered her hands from her chest, feeling a cool breeze over her nipples. Ian looked over the redhead’s body hungrily and eagerly undressed. He stood fully nude and erect in front of her, the dagger still in his hand. Mila looked at his muscular body, from his shoulders to his thighs, her eyes landing on his erection. He was larger than she’d anticipated and she knew she would leave this encounter extremely sore and thoroughly used.

“On your knees whore,” he said cruelly, holding the blade tightly.

Mila’s heart was racing as she got off the bed and did as she was told. Her green eyes met with his icy blue gaze and then looked over to the dagger in his hand, “Why don’t you let go of the blade, darling? You won’t be able to ravage me with just one hand.”

Ian’s eyes gleamed as he pondered her request and decided to stab it into the night table beside the bed. The blade stood out of the wood and would definitely leave a mark that Mila would have to pay for, “You’re right my lovely, now take that pretty mouth of yours and suck me off.”

Before she could lean in and take his length, his hands tangled themselves into her hair and slammed her mouth down onto his member. He thrust himself into her over and over, not caring if she could breathe or not. He laughed cruelly as he looked down at her fearful gaze, her eyes were wide and tears ran down her cheeks. Mila tried to pull away and catch her breath but he kept pushing her further and further down his member until his length filled her mouth and throat. She made a choking sound as he stopped moving, still keeping his erection in her mouth. 

“You’re so beautiful when you’re afraid,” he said cruelly, another evil snicker escaping his lips. He pulled out of her mouth and watched her cough and try to regain her breath, “Aw come on, I’m not that big.”

He reached down and gripped her by the nape of her neck and pulled her up onto her feet, throwing her back onto the bed. Mila was still coughing when his lips met hers once more in a painful kiss, his teeth clashed against hers and made an awful grinding sound in her head. His rough hands made their way down to her breasts and pinched her nipples painfully, she could feel his erection near her core. He broke their kiss, licking and biting down her neck and collarbone. He left bruises and bites all over every inch of flesh his mouth came into contact with. Mila held back cries of pain and tried to keep herself from squirming too much. 

If he sensed any amount of defiance or rejection to his advances there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that his dagger would find itself plunged into her chest. All Mila could do was receive this punishment she was sure she deserved, she had watched her friends die and made no effort to save them. This was a small price to pay for that transgression, and she knew that if she complied with this man’s every wish it would be over sooner.

His tongue found it’s way down to her nipples while his hands gripped her thighs and forced them open. His fingertips bruised themselves into her skin, another mark she would bear for the foreseeable future until they faded. As he roughly sucked on her breasts and bit down on them painfully, he pulled down her panties. Even though Mila wasn’t enjoying herself, her core was slick with juices and he purred at the sight.

“You really are a whore,” his lips were back by her ear, “Only a slut would get soaked from being treated so roughly.” He bit her earlobe hard and made her cry out in pain. “That’s right, I’m going to make you scream.”

He slammed his member into her core, his hips meeting hers with a wet smack. Mila’s walls pulsed around him, trying to push the unwelcome intruder out of her. She suddenly found herself gripping his shoulders tightly as he lifted her up into a standing position, his fingers bruising themselves into the back of her thighs once more. He pulled his length out of her and slammed it back in, making Mila bite her lip so hard she drew blood.

“I told you to scream,” his voice was cruel, and his grip grew stronger, “I want everyone to hear you, to know that I’m the one who gets to use you from now on.”

Mila kept her mouth shut, still biting down on her lip to keep from screaming. She was humiliated enough, but this was becoming too much. His thrusts picked up from the cruel slow pace he had been doing before to something much rougher and faster. It felt like he was going to split her in half if he kept this pace up and longer, and her back arched in pain. She was suddenly back on the bed, her legs lifted up over his shoulders so he could slam into her mercilessly.

“Scream my name, whore!” He slapped her face, keeping up his animalistic pace, “Scream for me!”

Mila let out a guttural cry that sounded like a cross between Captain Levi’s name and a cry for help. More tears formed as he continued to stab himself into her over and over, her walls stretching out to fit him better. At her cry, he let out a growl and put his hands around her neck, cutting off her air. Mila gurgled with fear and punched his chest to no avail, he continued his assault until she felt his release inside of her. He collapsed on top of her, his member convulsing and filling her with more and more of his semen. Mila reached up to touch her throat and coughed relentlessly, her vision was blurry with tears and she struggled to catch her breath. 

Ian finally rolled off of her and sighed deeply, he gave Mila a cruel smirk, “Don’t think you’re done yet, I have so much more in store for you.”

Mila’s eyes filled with more tears as he placed her on her stomach and forced her onto her hands and knees. He spanked her rear over and over again with renewed force, never letting her rest. Her screams filled the room, and she knew the patrons downstairs would hear her. Surely someone would come up here and stop Ian from this horrible abuse, but after several hours of her screams, no one came. 

Without so much as a word, Ian dressed and unstuck his dagger from the night table. He slammed the door behind him as he left to revel in his victory, leaving Mila a bruised and sweaty mess on the bed. Her entire body ached, she could barely move from the rough treatment he’d subjected her to. Her ass was in pain and from what she could see in the mirror it was bright red and the skin had split. After laying in agony for another hour, she finally got up and looked at herself in the mirror. Her lips were bloodied from his bites and her own, her neck had welts and red marks from where he’d choked her. Her collarbones had bruises that led down to her breasts and were extremely tender. Her hair was a tangled mess of waves, and her eyes had dark circles around them. 

She had convinced herself that this is what she deserved, and after cleaning up as much as she could in a little washbasin near the mirror she picked up her mother’s dress. It was ruined, the back had been ripped open and the front of it was slashed. She would have to figure out a way to tie it around herself so she could make it back to the castle and wished she’d brought her cloak up with her. After messing with the tattered rags she was able to come up with something decent enough to leave in. She brushed her hair out and looked at herself in the mirror once again, it would have to do. 

She looked at the trashed room and felt her stomach churn with disgust. She was worse than the women in the underground, they at least got paid. Mila had forced herself to go through with that abuse as a punishment for her sins, and as painful as it was, she felt somewhat at peace. She would never return to this tavern or this town once again, she had paid her dues after tonight. As she made it back down to the bar, she felt the stares of all the other patrons dig into her body. Disgust and shame filled her as she walked past Lou without so much as a nod, she grabbed her cloak and disappeared into the night once more.

As she rode back to the castle, dread crept into her chest. She had dishonored Petra’s last wishes by seeking comfort with another man. Mila had no more tears left to cry, however, instead she felt numb and exhausted. She reached the stables for the second time that day and tacked up her horse for the night, she filled its food trough with sweet feed and patted its nose. As she made her way up the steps of the castle once more, she saw a dark figure perched upon them.

“Did you enjoy yourself?” his voice was a mixture of annoyance and exhaustion.

Mila’s heart began to race as the moonlight cast a glow on the Captain, “Yes sir.”

He stood from his seat as she approached and studied her appearance. Her hair was messy from the ride and her lips were swollen. His eyes narrowed as they followed a trail of welts down her neck and shoulders, seeing the marks of abuse blazing red in the night. He absentmindedly ripped off her cloak and looked at the rags her dress had turned into, his body filled with rage. He couldn’t bring himself to ask her what happened; if she confirmed his suspicions, he feared he would be driven to kill. 

Mila looked down at her hands as he examined her, his quiet rage filling the space between them. She snatched back her cloak from his hands and pulled it around herself once more.

“Where did you go?” his tone was low and dangerous, his gray eyes looked black.

“Into town for a drink,” her voice was hoarse, and she cleared her throat, “May I be dismissed?”

“You expect me to believe you went into town for a drink?!” his voice had never sounded so angry, “You look like you’ve been…”

Mila closed her eyes and clenched her fists, “It’s none of your business Captain! Why does it matter anyway?”

He stepped closer to her and watched as she flinched at his movement. The action caused his stomach to churn with nausea and he stepped back once more, “This is a morale problem! Look at you, you have bruises everywhere!”

“You keep using the term ‘morale problem’ to try and skirt the issue,” her words were filled with venom, “just admit you have a personal issue with me. I’m going to bed.” She pushed past him and felt his hand on her wrist again, the act made her panic and she ripped from his grip.

“Mila,” his eyes scanned her face, “What happened to you?” 

The rage he’d been feeling doubled when she didn’t answer. He could only imagine what she’d been through, he’d watched his mother suffer the same disgusting abuse, night after night. The murderous urge within him grew and he struggled to keep his composure. Someone had abused Mila, and when he found out who it was he would exact his revenge on that disgusting pig.

Mila’s green eyes met his and she looked at the concern in his face, he truly cared about her. Before she thought he would use her as a means to forget his grief, and maybe that was still true, but there was something else about his gaze. He’d never seemed worried about her before, he barely ever looked at her and now she was his main focus. He waited for her to return to see if she had made it back safely, the thought made tears sting her eyes.

“Please,” his voice cracked with anger, “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what happened.”

Mila swallowed thickly, she would not get away from him easily this time. Too many times she’d avoided him and this was one of those times. If she told him that she had gone into town looking for punishment such as that he’d look at her with shame and disgust as the patrons of the tavern had. She also knew that once he told her, he’d go into town and murder Ian and cause even more problems for the Scouts. She regretted not taking the transfer, wishing that she could leave him and her feelings behind. 

“I fell off my horse,” she said quietly, her lie made the air feel tainted. 

Captain Levi shook his head in disappointment, “You have bruises around your neck, you expect me to believe that bullshit?”

Mila bit her tender lip and winced in pain, every ache and bruise she had on her body throbbed. She shivered as a cold breeze cut through her thin cloak and she wrapped it tighter around her.

“Let’s go inside,” he took her hand gingerly, as if not to startle her, “I’ll make you some tea.”

Mila let herself be led by her Captain, his gentle touch felt strange after Ian’s rough grip. Surely she didn’t deserve such a warm and tender gesture from the Captain, she felt so dirty that she was certain he could feel it too. They came to his office and she sat in the cushy chair in front of his desk, her bottom throbbed as she put her weight on it. She winced again and closed her eyes in an effort to hide the pain. The Captain placed a cup of black tea in front of her, and she took it gratefully. The hot liquid melted the ice from her bones but didn’t get rid of the shame and guilt she still felt. 

Once again, they found themselves across each other in his office, drinking tea. The Captain didn’t touch his cup however, his eyes just bored into Mila’s willing her to speak.

She sighed deeply and rubbed her eyes, she was exhausted. She hadn’t slept in two days and she just wanted to go to bed. Mila knew that he wouldn’t let her go until she told him what happened, and she figured the sooner she told him the better. She would, of course, keep the details to a minimum, but he deserved an explanation.

“On occasion,” she began, shifting in her seat to get comfortable, “I go into town for a few drinks and...and this was one of those nights. I had too much to drink and got into a bar fight.” Her heart wrenched in her chest at the lie she’d just fed him, and she looked down at her cup.

“My mother used to work in the underground,” Captain Levi stared at Mila with an intense gaze, “Men would come at all hours of the day to use her. They’d leave marks like the ones you wear, and she was always in pain.”

Mila’s mouth went dry at his words and her jaw dropped, “I’m...sorry.”

“I killed all those monsters,” his eyes were alight with murderous rage, “I vowed I would never let those beasts see the light of day.”

Mila felt her fear return, her hands began to shake and her eyes pricked with tears, she couldn’t help it “I deserved it!”

“No human deserves such abuse!” He slammed his hands down on the desk and clenched his teeth, “You didn’t go looking for it.”

“Captain I...this is not the first time I do this to myself.” She felt the tears fall again, “I don’t deserve anything less than what I’ve received. I let my comrades die when I could’ve done something to save them, and before that...it’s just never been this bad before.”

Captain Levi’s eyes widened as he processed what she’d just said, his chest filled with a hollow ache, “You could have died.”

“So what if I did?” her tears tasted bitter and stung the cuts on her lips, “Then I’d be with them.”

The Captain was suddenly kneeling before Mila, his hands gripping hers. He felt her try and jerk her hands back but he kept a strong grip. He felt rage and sadness, things that hadn’t plagued him until the death of Squad Levi. His walls had fallen, and he felt broken. This final admission from Mila made him feel like he’d been kicked in the chest and everything wanted to pour out. He lifted one of her hands to his lips and kissed the back of it, then turned it over and kissed her palm. 

Mila looked down into his tender gaze, her heart racing at his touch. She was tainted and destroyed goods, and yet here he was kissing her flesh. The pain and sadness melted away at his touch, this was all she’d needed. She needed to share her grief with someone else who’d been through the same pain. She’d foolishly run into the arms of someone who destroyed her when she needed to be built up by a man that loved her. She watched as he placed his head in her lap, wrapping his arms around her waist. Mila tentatively brushed the hair out of his face and leaned down to kiss the top of his head. 

“You deserve so much more than the anguish you’ve put yourself through,” his voice was hardly a whisper, and his arms gripped her even tighter.

After what she’d just been through, she should be shying away from the touch of a man. However, his touch was so soft and gentle, and he didn’t push her to do anything she didn’t want to do. All he wanted was to feel her, to be in her presence and keep the shadows of fear and despair away. She pulled his head up to hers, kissing his forehead as he’d done to her the night before. 

The Captain got up from the floor and took her hand to lift her from her seat, “I have a shower in my room that you can use. Then you should get some rest.”

Mila shook her head and looked at the door, “It’s okay, I actually want to take a bath. I can do that in the Officer’s Wing.”

He placed a hand on her chin and gently pulled her face around to meet his gaze once again, “Remember what I said. Don’t do anything we’ll both regret.”

Her heart ached at his words, “After everything we’ve been through with the Squad and before I met you, I still haven’t offed myself.”

The Captain let go of her face and kissed her hand again, “I can’t wait forever Mila, I think I’ve been pretty clear about how I feel. I know you need to heal, and so do I, but we can do that together.”

She nodded, her heart fluttering in her chest at his words. Her hands felt hot where he’d kissed her, and she pressed her fingers into the spots he had touched as if to keep the feeling from dissipating. As she left his office, her mind wandered to all the kisses she’d received throughout the last hours. It had all started with an innocent kiss on the forehead, then an almost kiss by the river, and finally, the awful kisses from Ian earlier. When she told the Captain about her escapades, she expected him to recoil in disgust but instead, he had given her comfort. The kisses he placed on her hands were soft and reassuring, and she didn’t feel pressured to do anything but revel in them. 

_ Enjoy this season _ , once again Petra’s words floated around her.

Mila’s body ached as she peeled off her mother’s dress, her chest filled with hatred as she looked over the torn garment. She would try to repair it as best she could, but she knew that it would be a patch job at most. Slipping into a hot bath, all the aches, sores and cuts on her body stung as the water washed over her. She groaned as she stretched out in the tub, feeling her body throb in pain. She scrubbed and scrubbed until she felt satisfied she’d gotten every inch of Ian’s filth off of her body. The only thing she couldn’t wash away were the marks of his abuse, but those would fade away with time. Her uniform would cover all of that anyway, so she wouldn’t have to look at them.

After finishing her bath and dressing in her oversized sleep clothes she felt infinitely better. Little bits of sadness still remained, and she knew the grief and anger wouldn’t dissipate anytime soon. She would never return to that town, she’d left Lou with enough money to pay off her tab and the damage done to the room and she doubted he could find her anyway. 

As she stared up at the ceiling, she thought about Petra and how she’d be so disappointed in Mila’s choice to go into town. Even before, when Mila would come back late at night from a rendezvous Petra would shake her head in annoyance. That virginal girl didn’t believe in casual hook-ups and was always adamant Mila should find the man of her dreams. Of course, she was right, and now Mila was very sure she had the Captain’s affection. The thought frightened her to her core, however, she’d done the very thing she swore she wouldn’t do. It seemed like the Captain had come to terms with it as well, and there was nothing either of them could to do avoid it anymore. 

Mila sighed and looked up at her ceiling, wondering what would’ve happened if she had used his shower. Would he have joined her? She didn’t think so, he had been so respectful about her situation she figured he just wanted to make sure she would be okay. She shivered at the thought of his lips on her hands once again and felt herself blush, she wished she’d taken him up on his offer. She wouldn’t be in such pain right now if she hadn’t used Petra’s affection for the Captain as an excuse to escape. Her friend had made peace with Mila’s feelings and told her to go for it. 

_ Tomorrow will be better, _ she thought to herself,  _ everything is out in the open now _ .

She thought back to the look the Captain had on his face when he told her he couldn’t wait anymore. It was filled with a deep affection and warmth she’d never seen before, she could almost say it looked like love. She brought her hands up to her lips, still feeling his kisses. She kissed her palm and felt a small smile crack through the mask of misery she’d been wearing and her chest felt less tight. Even though dawn was beginning to break, Mila was finally able to fall into a peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this chapter! All feedback is appreciated.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The way Mila handles her sexual trauma in this chapter is not healthy or realistic. If you or a loved one has experienced such traumas, seeking the proper help and counseling is the way to go about it. This is a dramatization and just a story. Thank you.

Captain Levi found himself back in the Underground, a dark and dank city filled with the foulest scum humanity had to offer. He floated down the dim and filthy streets filled with the smell of human excrement and death then around a bend to his childhood home. As he approached the brothel, the building loomed out of the gloom like a pallid ghost and the scent of perfume and sweat met his nostrils. Entering the disgusting hovel of a dwelling he used to call home made his skin break out into a cold sweat, being around such filth made him want to boil his skin just so he could feel clean again. 

He walked down the stairs of the brothel, ignoring screams of pain and grunts of pleasure and found himself outside the door to his mother’s room. Without knocking, he pushed the warped wood open and gazed upon a dismal sight of death and despair. A young boy with long black hair, sallow skin, and hollow cheeks crouched in a corner trying to keep warm. The child was starving and covered in filth, his gray eyes were narrowed and stared at the form lying in the bed before him. The Captain’s eyes moved from the young boy to the flesh skeleton rotting in a disgusting bed, her teeth were yellow and her black hair was almost gray with dust. 

Levi shot up from his bed with a start, gripping his chest with a sweaty hand and unable to catch his breath. His wide gray eyes looked around his pristine room as if to make sure he wasn’t back in that hovel. The light streaming in through the window suggested it was mid-morning, he’d only slept a couple of hours. That wasn’t unusual for him, he had perpetual dark circles around his eyes for a reason, still, it was a miserable existence. His breathing finally slowed and the memory of his mother faded back into the furthest reaches of his mind. He lay back into his bed and stared at the ceiling, the stresses of the past few days had sent his emotions into a frenzy. 

Petra’s confession before the day of her passing, the death of Squad Levi, Mila’s own confession of love and finding her thoroughly used and abused the night before had broken down the walls he had carefully built around his heart. He prided himself on being strong and not letting things affect him the way it did others. It seemed that strength of his ran out and all that was left was a hollow shell of a man that wasn’t worth the effort to bring back from the darkness. Seeing the bodies of his comrades took him back to the day he lost Isabel and Farlan, a memory he’d long since buried deep inside of himself. He felt an ache form in his chest and permeate through his body as he saw Isabel’s disembodied head in his mind’s eye.

He flew off his bed and ran to his bathroom, lifting the lid to the toilet seat and letting the contents of his stomach spill out into the bowl. Once the wave of nausea and disgust had passed, he undressed from his silk pants and stepped into the shower. The cold water helped erase those painful memories that seemed so much more vivid than before, the only time he was distracted from them was when he was around Mila. It was easy to help fix other people’s problems and she was a welcome diversion for him in that regard. He thought back to a mere few hours ago, seeing her covered in bruises and cuts had filled him with a rage that he hadn’t tasted since that fateful day. 

The same marks she bore now were always prominent on his mother’s body along with the same pain and fear within her eyes. Her hesitation at his touch after her encounter with the monster that had ruined her made his sight go red with rage. He fought every urge he had to find the pig that had done this, rend his flesh from his bone and leave him a quivering mess begging for death. Captain Levi had more than enough experience destroying monsters and exterminating filth, he doubted anyone would miss that disgusting pile of shit. 

He punched the shower wall, leaving a few broken tiles behind and examined his hand. His knuckles were bloodied once more, and he rinsed them off in the torrent of frigid water. He watched as his blood circled the drain then disappeared and wished that every evil and cursed memory in his mind could vanish just as easily. After letting the water rush over him for a few more minutes, he finally turned off the stream and stepped out of the stall. Commander Erwin still hadn’t sent word for them to start training again, the Captain figured he was honoring his promise to let them recover. 

He had a day to himself and he decided not to hide behind walls of paperwork and cleaning as he usually did. Captain Levi wanted to spend the day with Mila, to chase away the burning loneliness in his chest. His burdens were becoming too much to bear on his own, Petra had been right about trying to be strong. Even the hardest stone breaks under insurmountable pressure, and he was at his breaking point. The only relief he’d found for the pain was in Mila’s company. Her presence and touch was something that chased away his hatred and awakened a desire for something pure. He had asked her to be with him, but instead, she had run into the arms of a different man who had wrecked her. The thought made his blood boil once again, but after what she told him he couldn’t blame her. 

She felt that was all she deserved in this horrible and cruel world, so she subjected herself to it. How many times had he done the same? He refrained from anything good and fun many times because he knew that he was nothing more than a shell of a man. He didn’t deserve anything less than to be cut down with the same blades he used on the demons he slew. He was a weapon to be used to destroy the beasts outside the Walls, just as Eren was now. After the war was won, there would be no place for him in a world full of peace. He didn’t deserve the love that Mila and Petra had to offer him and yet he craved it more than any drug available in the Underground. Even if it was just for today, he would indulge that part of himself and once the orders to continue on with training came through he would resume his cold and distant persona. 

Captain Levi sighed and finished drying himself off, his mind wandering to what he would do today. They could return to the river where he knew no one else would find them and spend the day there, or he could have her come to his office. As he dressed up in his requisite white button-down, black pants, and black shoes a shiver of unease ran through him. What if she turned down his advances once more and asked him to stay away from her? That would be the smartest course of action but he then realized that wouldn’t be the case. The look in her eyes before she left his office last night had been a silent confirmation. She had told him that she loved him and he had reciprocated those emotions by asking her to share in his grief. 

The doubt that had filled his mind subsided and a small glimmer of excitement twinkled in his otherwise dull gray eyes. He left his quarters and headed for the kitchen, he would bring her some breakfast and they could eat together. As much as he wanted to be with her in the physical sense, just being in her presence was enough to set him at ease. He didn’t think she would want to be touched by a man anytime soon in light of recent events anyway, so he shook the thoughts of her lips from his mind. He reached the kitchen and, after cleaning it to his preference, he began to cook and brew coffee. 

Up in the Officer’s Wing, Mila had finally woken up from a less than pleasant sleep. Ian’s cruel gaze and rough touch haunted her dreams and had kept her from reveling in the kisses the Captain had left on her hands. She stretched out in her bed, every ache and pain throbbing in unison as she did so. She gingerly touched her neck and felt the tender flesh under her fingertips. Getting up from her bed she walked over to her chest of drawers and looked in the mirror. Her lips were red and split from biting down on them and her neck had red welts around it. Though she wasn’t in as much pain as she was the night before, she looked a lot worse. The bruises had turned to a severe black and blue, and the bite marks were an angry red. She looked like hell, and there wasn’t anything a shower could do to wash away the marks of abuse. 

Looking away from her reflection she sighed deeply, she was ashamed of her actions. She had sought comfort in someone who only sought to comfort themselves. She hoped the Captain would forgive her lapse in judgment and that he still wanted to be around her. 

_ I can’t wait forever _ , his voice echoed in her head and she blushed. 

Even after she admitted her disgusting habit to him he didn’t judge her, in fact, he had comforted her. She didn’t deserve such kindness and compassion yet he had given it to her. Her heart fluttered at the thought of seeing him again today, she didn’t want to run from her feelings anymore. She was ready to confront them head-on and be her most authentic self. Not wanting to waste another moment, Mila dressed in a modest white-button down shirt and a black ankle-length skirt, she was careful to button the shirt as far as it could as to cover her neck. 

As she brushed her teeth in a washbasin next to her chest of drawers, she heard a knock at her door and froze. She knew that it wasn’t Petra and still the sound made her teeth clench. No one other than her fallen friend would come to her room, in Mila’s mind, it was a ghostly sound that reminded her of the deep loss she’d experienced less than a day ago. 

“Brandt,” the Captain’s voice was at her door and she felt her knees turn to mush, “I’ve brought you some breakfast.”

She quickly finished what she was doing and wiped her face, “Just a moment.”

Taking a deep breath and checking the mirror to see that all her wounds were fully covered, she walked over to the door and opened it tentatively.

The Captain entered her room and looked at her messy bed with an annoyed expression, “You’re lucky I don’t make you run laps around the castle.”

Mila crossed her arms over her chest and frowned, “I didn’t know I would have a visitor so early this morning.”

He set down the tray of food on her desk and pulled out the chair to face the room and took a seat, “That’s not an excuse, and for your information, it’s almost noon.”

She rolled her eyes and in just a couple minutes she had made her bed, “Are you satisfied?”

A hint of a smirk tugged at his lips, but he just handed her a cup of coffee, “Sit down and drink that, I also brought up some toast and jam.”

She took the cup and sat down on her freshly made bed, making his eyebrows furrow in annoyance at the action, “To what do I owe this act of chivalry?” She took a sip of the hot liquid, her heart sunk at the taste. It was good, but nothing would ever compare to Eld’s coffee.

“This is a one-time thing,” his voice was bored as usual, but his eyes were warm, “Don’t get used to it.”

Mila smiled into her cup and finished it in a single gulp, it scalded her tongue but she didn’t care. She couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that the Captain was sitting in her room having breakfast with her. They ate in silence, and though they stole the occasional glance at each other, it was an uneventful meal. 

Once they were finished, the Captain took her cup and plate and stacked it neatly back on to the tray. He looked different, not only was his demeanor warmer and less gloomy, his hair wasn’t styled back and was instead slightly messy. She caught herself staring and forced herself to look away, she played with her hair instead and looked at the ground.  _ This is awkward _ .

“Spend the day with me, Brandt,” his voice filled the room and made her heart race. Was he serious?

“You can call me Mila when it’s just you and me,” luckily her voice sounded steady and unaffected, very much unlike how she was feeling at the moment.

A full-on smirk spread across Captain Levi’s lips, the expression was foreign for him but it was extremely attractive, “Is that a yes?”

Mila felt herself blush and she looked down at her hands again, “Don’t you have anything more important to do today, sir?”

The smirk was gone, his usual annoyed expression was back, “Drop the pretenses Mila, you don’t have to call me ‘sir’ or ‘Captain’. I thought we’ve already established that.” He decided to sit next to her on her bed, ignoring the urge to push her down and kiss every inch of her body.

“You didn’t answer the question,  _ sir _ ,” she wasn’t comfortable calling him by just his first name, she didn’t think she ever would be. He was so close now, her shoulders brushed against his and it made her ache for his touch again.

He sighed deeply and ran a hand through his ebony locks, “You always dodge my questions. I was perfectly clear with you yesterday about my intentions and instead, you brushed me aside. Asking you to spend the day with me means that I have no other obligations, besides, you could say this is a way to help build up morale.”

Mila brushed her hair out of her face and quirked an eyebrow, “You really like to hide behind that explanation.”

“I’m not the only one that’s hiding,” he said, his arm was suddenly around her waist.

Mila felt her skin crawl at his action, still associating touch with the cruelty she experienced last night. She was stiff in his grip and tried to force herself to relax. 

He felt that she was uncomfortable at his touch and removed his arm from around her, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

She bit her lower lip then winced, it still hurt, “No, I did this to myself.”

Captain Levi stared at the side of her face, he could still see the cuts on her lips and a peek of bruises on her neck, “I can help with the pain...but only if you want to. I’m sure being touched by a man is the last thing you want right now.” 

Mila looked into those gray eyes that held such compassion, every trace of the guarded and distant Captain was gone. It felt like she had been transported to a new world, one where love and happiness flourished, one that she got to share with Captain Levi, at least for now. She swallowed hard and nodded once, turning to face him and keeping her hands folded in her lap.

His voice was husky as he spoke, and he felt his heart thrum in his chest, “Tell me if you need me to stop. Keep still.” He reached for the collar of her shirt and began undoing the buttons carefully, as to not startle her.

She kept her eyes focused on the wall behind him, her hands still sitting limply in her lap. Whenever she was undressed by a man she would have her clothes forcefully removed from her, his gentle touch felt foreign to her but not unpleasant. With every button he undid, more and more carnage was revealed to him. It seemed so much worse than the night before, in the sunlight every bruise and cut was magnified and the sight made his blood boil. 

He finished unbuttoning her shirt and carefully pulled it open and down from her shoulders, “Don’t move.” 

He shifted his body closer, his eyes looking at every inch of her bare skin hungrily. She was left in her wrap around her breasts, and he knew that under that would be more damage. He ignored the part of him that wanted to rip off every piece of clothes from her body and take her, that was the last thing she needed right now. Instead, he leaned forward and placed a butterfly kiss on her neck where the bruises started. He felt her stiffen at his touch and pulled away to make sure she didn’t panic.

“I’m sorry,” Mila looked down at her hands and gripped her knees.

He brushed a stray lock of her red hair from her face, the action sent a shiver down her spine, “You have nothing to apologize for.”

A small blush spread across her cheeks, the kiss he’d placed on her neck felt soothing. The throbbing in her body ceased at his touch, and she felt a little more at ease than before. From these small interactions, she could tell that he wouldn’t do anything to make her feel threatened or uncomfortable. Although the concept was foreign to Mila, she felt herself take his hand and place it on her neck gently.

He carefully traced the marks down her neck and to her collarbones, making her skin break out in goosebumps. She placed her hands on his chest, gripping his shirt lightly and closing her eyes. Once again he lowered his head to her neck and placed soft kisses starting at her earlobe and slowly making his way down to the hollow of her neck. He did the same to the other side, trying to keep his movements as slow and gentle as possible. Her skin was smooth and soft under his lips and smelled faintly of gardenias, it was now a scent he would forever associate with her. 

Mila’s heart was racing, she knew it was too soon for her to allow herself to be touched this way but she couldn’t help herself. He was so loving and gentle, every kiss soothed her, every caress chased away a dark thought and she couldn’t get enough. His fingers traced her ribs and just underneath her wrappings, she felt like she was on fire. He cupped her chin in his hand and lifted her face to meet his gaze, his eyes were ablaze with passion. He kissed the corners of her lips, her cheeks, her forehead, every inch of her face except for her lips. The fire of desire spread across her body, from her face to her toes and everywhere in between. 

The painful thoughts from her encounter with Ian were long forgotten while she was in Captain Levi’s arms. She sighed as he placed more and more kisses down her neck and shoulders, and gripped his shirt tighter and tighter. She knew it was unhealthy to allow him to touch her in this way so soon after what happened, and she was sure he knew it too. However, he never pushed her to touch him back, he didn’t force her to kiss him or dug his fingers into her sides. He didn’t pull her hair back and force his tongue down her throat, she wasn’t forcefully put on her knees and made to receive his length over and over again.

The Captain placed one more kiss on her shoulder then looked down at the redheaded woman in his embrace. The need in his loins pulsed and throbbed, he wanted to feel her lips on his but he knew that wasn’t what she needed. He also knew that she didn’t need his kisses and touches either, but he had acted selfishly. He wanted her, not as a trophy or conquest, but because she was the only person in this awful world who had shared in his trauma and pain. They’d both seen the same combat, the same deaths, and lived to tell the tale. Trying to comfort her like this was risky and stupid, and he had done it anyway.

He pulled his arms back and grabbed her wrists, making her let go of his shirt, “That was stupid.”

Mila’s eyes crinkled with confusion and she felt the familiar cloud of sadness envelop her once more, “I’m sorry, I should’ve told you to stop.”

“It’s not you Mila,” he realized he was still holding her wrists and let go, “That wasn’t what you needed. I was being selfish...I’m just as bad as that pig who abused you.”

She shook her head and ran a hand through his ebony hair, marveling at how soft it was, “No, Captain, you helped my morale improve.”

He shivered at her touch, he wanted her to do it again, “Maybe.”

Mila peeled off her shirt the rest of the way and placed his hands back on her waist, “I can help improve yours too.”

The hair on the back of his neck stood on end at her words and his heart started to race. He looked down at his hands, his fingers matching up with the bruises on her waist and with great effort, he pulled them away. He furrowed his brows in annoyance with himself and looked at all the marks on her body. She needed to heal before he could allow himself to touch her again, as good as she tasted on his lips, this was wrong.

“Where else did that disgusting beast hurt you?” he asked, there was a dangerous edge to his voice and his eyes were narrowed with rage.

Mila gulped hard and looked down at the space between them, “Everywhere.”

He could only imagine the state of her breasts and her legs, and he didn’t want to think about the damage done to her most intimate part. The passion and lust that had built up while kissing her soft body were now gone and replaced with bloodlust. He couldn’t go on knowing there was a monster on the loose hurting women, he had vowed to destroy men like that.

“Tell me who did it.” His voice was cold and distant once more, the warmth had left his body.

Mila remained silent for a few beats then spoke, “You’re going to kill him, aren’t you?”

“Just tell me who did it!” he raised his voice without wanting to, and immediately regretted it once he saw her shrink away from him, “I’m sorry, I…I didn’t mean to yell.”

Mila’s hands shook and she struggled to still them, “Please don’t go looking for him, sir. He’s not worth it.”

Captain Levi’s rage doubled but he knew there was no point in forcing her to tell him. He would find out, however, and as soon as she was asleep tonight he would go into town and slaughter the man who dared put his hands on her. 

He quelled his fury for now and focused back on Mila who had a line of worry between her eyebrows, “Put your shirt back on,” he looked away, feeling his body heat up, “we’re going for a ride. You need fresh air.”

Mila put her shirt back on and buttoned it back up finding that her hands had finally stopped shaking, “Yes, sir.”

He snapped his head back to look at her, “Stop calling me ‘sir’.”

A small smile formed on Mila’s full lips, “As you wish,” she paused and stood up, “ _ sir _ .”

“Tch,” the Captain stood up and grabbed the tray of dirty dishes and began to walk out her door, “brat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave me any feedback and/or critiques.


	10. Chapter 10

The warm breeze ran through Mila's wavy red hair as she and the Captain rode through the forest, and it held the promise of summer. The sound of the hawks flitting through the trees and the foxes skittering through the brush made her feel like she had been transported to a different world, one far away from the war with the Titans. The Captain was leading her upriver towards the mountains, apparently, there was a lake he used to frequent before he became Captain. Mila looked ahead at the Captain’s back, she was always one step behind him, never fast or clever enough to reach him. After these past few days, however, she knew that would all change, he would take her with him wherever he went until his last breath. They would have each other’s back, lean on each other more than ever and in more ways than one. 

Her heart surged with affection for the Captain, she could still feel the tingles left behind by his kisses on her neck and shoulders. She ached to feel his lips on hers, to run her fingers through his hair, for his hands around her waist once more. She also knew that it was too soon for anything like that, he was disgusted with the bruises on her body and with the man who had done it to her. He told her that she needed to heal, and he was right, but there was a part of her that felt he thought she was tainted goods and didn’t want any part of that. Those thoughts were brushed away by the tingles still left from his touch, and how he had asked her to spend the day with him. 

“Just up ahead,” he called back, he didn’t turn his head to look back at her but she could hear the warmth in his voice, “To the left.”

The trees thinned out as they approached the lake, and before Mila’s very eyes a beautiful landscape appeared. The lake itself was so clear she could see straight down to the lake floor. Surrounding the body of water were rolling hills and trees that then turned into mountains and a waterfall to the North. The sound of geese and ducks filled her ears, and the water lapped at the shore peacefully. The sky was clear of clouds, hawks flew overhead and fished salmon out of the lake below. Mila felt more at peace than she had in a very long time. 

She dismounted her horse and walked down to the shore, her heart racing as she tasted a freedom she didn’t know she would ever feel again, “It’s beautiful Captain!” 

The Captain dismounted as well and walked over to stand beside her, he looked at the breathtaking vista then over at Mila’s face. There was a smile on her face that he had never seen, it was full of hope and wonder. The darkness that usually clouded her emerald eyes had dissipated for the moment, and her hair was slightly messy from the ride. She had always been pretty, that was the first thing he’d noticed when she joined the Squad four years go, but he didn’t realize just how beautiful she was. It made his heart race, and he fought his hands from brushing her red locks away from her face.

“What do you do here when you’re alone?” she kicked off her boots and took off her socks, dipping her toes into the cool water, “Do you hunt game?”

The Captain watched as she lifted her skirt up past her knees and he looked away, “I’d come to read and sometimes I’d swim.”

“When was the last time you were here?” She walked deeper into the water, watching as little fish curiously swam up to her.

The Captain ran a hand through his hair and tried not to stare at Mila, “It’s been a couple of years.”

She looked back at the Captain, he looked uncomfortable, “Captain?”

“Hm?” he was looking around at the forest that surrounded them, not making eye contact with her.

She looked down at her toes once more, “Uh...nevermind.”

It was strange, she still felt the need to be formal around him and keep up the pleasantries. He knew her filthiest secret, he had seen her scars and still felt like she needed to hide behind the mask of a perfect soldier. She sighed and walked out of the crisp water, she sat down on the ground and stared at the clear water. Petra would’ve loved this place, all of Squad Levi would’ve loved it. She could imagine them there now, having a picnic and drinking ale, swimming and eating. In a different life that would’ve been possible, however, that possibility was no longer viable. The joy at being here with the man she loved lessened and the familiar cloud of sadness returned.

Suddenly, the Captain set down a picnic blanket on the ground right next to Mila and sat on it, “How could you sit on the dirty ground like that?”

Mila quirked a brow and flicked a blade of grass in his direction, “Stop being so uptight and enjoy the day.”

“Tch,” he rolled his eyes and took her hand, making her shift onto the blanket, “that’s no way to talk to your Captain.”

Without warning, she was on the blanket right next to him, his arm around her shoulders. Her hip was pressed up against his, his free hand reaching over to take hers. Throughout the day she had felt a shift in their relationship and the energy around them, he was serious about spending the day with her. She hadn’t known what to expect, but she hadn’t expected him to be so openly affectionate with her. He was an entirely different person out here, his face had softened and he finally looked like the thirty-year-old he was.

“Captain,” she pressed herself closer into his embrace, “It’s nice being here with you.”

“When will you call me by my name? I’m sure I’ve asked you many times already.” His voice sounded annoyed, but his grip on her didn’t slacken.

“Is that an order,  _ Captain _ ?” her tone was teasing but she was genuinely asking. They’d crossed so many lines already and she was still holding onto a semblance of normalcy out of foolishness.

He pulled away from her and looked into her green eyes, “Possibly.” His hands brushed a lock of hair away from her face without his permission, “Are you uncomfortable around me?”

Mila looked down and blushed, her body warming at his gaze, “Honestly sir,” she felt her voice shake, “I can’t believe I’m actually here with you. It’s strange...n-not in a bad way, but it’s different from how things used to be.”

A soft look came across the Captain’s face, “I think we both knew the day would come that we would let our guard down. As hard as I fought that part of myself, it still happened. Let’s not think about it too much and enjoy the day.”

Her body felt like it was on fire, her thighs were inflamed and her fingertips felt numb, “Being this way with each other, you know we’ve made it a lot harder for ourselves, right?”

“That might be,” a ghost of a smile hinted at his lips, “now shut up Brandt, you’re ruining the moment.” He kept his arm around her, looking out into the horizon and sighing deeply.

She held back a laugh and put her head on his shoulder, “As you wish, sir.”

He rolled his eyes at her continued formality around him, “Tch.”

They sat on that blanket in silence, the tension between them grew and grew until Mila felt like she would pop. As much as she wanted him, she needed to heal and moving any further would complicate everything even more. She was in love with him, add to that a physical relationship and everything would be lost if he died. Tomorrow training would begin again, their lives would go back to normal and she’d be the same Mila and he’d be the same Captain. Capturing the Female Titan was their priority, and, if it wasn’t for all the casualties they’d sustained, Squad Levi would be back in the field. The thought of everything going back to normal made her shoulders droop, and she sighed.

“I heard about a legend that says this lake has healing properties,” Captain Levi’s voice filled the silence and he got up from the blanket, “If you swim in it, all your physical and mental ailments will go away.” He extended a hand down to Mila to help her up.

Mila took his hand and gave him a skeptical look as he helped her up, “You actually believe that?”

“Why do you think I look so young?” He began to unbutton his shirt, his slender fingers grabbing Mila’s attention.

She blushed and looked away, forcing the memory of his hands on her shirt earlier and undressing her, “Pardon my language sir, but that’s some bullshit.”

He folded his shirt and neatly placed it onto the blanket, he kicked off his shoes and began to unbutton his pants, “Shut up and get in the water.”

Mila’s cheeks burned as she looked at his back, she drank in each scar, each muscle, “I didn’t bring a bathing costume.”

“That never stopped you before,” he placed his pants next to his shirt and began to walk towards the shore, left in only a pair of black underwear, “Just pretend I’m not here.”

A surge of annoyance coursed through her, cutting through the embarrassment, “Yes, sir.”

“Stop calling me sir,” he called back, and stepped into the water, “I’m starting to like it a bit too much.”

Mila blushed harder than before and began to unbutton her shirt, he had already seen her in a wrap and kissed all over her chest. She didn’t know why she was so reluctant to undress in front of him, she chalked it up to last night’s events. Being almost nude around a man again made her feel a little nervous, but that wasn’t the whole truth. The Captain would see everything, every bruise, every bite and every curve of her body. If she wasn’t so beat up, she’d be excited to be with him this way, but she had seen the rage in those gray eyes her marks had induced and it frightened her. She had a sneaking suspicion that he would try to find Ian and, if not murder him, seriously maim him.

She was left in her wrap and panties, haphazardly throwing her clothes on the ground and walking towards the lake. The Captain was already in the water, floating on his back and staring up at the sky with a thoughtful look on his face. She decided to get a little payback and jumped into the water to splash him.

He sputtered as he got a faceful of cold water and glared at her, “That was childish.” He then realized just how bare she was, and averted his gaze, “Act your age.”

Mila rolled her eyes and swam around, “I hope you’re right about this water, it’s freezing in here.” She felt her nipples harden as the cold water rushed over her, and she crossed her arms across her chest.

The Captain fought the urge to stare at her but continued to look past her, “The cold water is good for you, it clears your head and soothes any aches you might have.”

Mila sighed and turned away from him, looking at the waterfall a few breast-strokes away. She raised an eyebrow, “Any legends about that waterfall?”

The Captain looked over at her back, what wasn’t covered by long red hair showed long scratches down her back. Through the clear water, he could see through her thin panties, and what would have aroused him actually made him want to throw up. Angry red handprints marked her bottom, bruising and splitting the skin, while fingerprints bruised the back of her thighs. All the rage that had subsided earlier came back with full force.

She turned around to look at him and saw a dark look in his eyes, “Captain Levi?”

Her voice brought him back from his evil thoughts and he looked away from her ruined body, “That’s the source of the healing water supposedly, it’s at its most potent when you stand underneath it.” His voice sounded hoarse as he spoke, he hoped that she didn’t catch it.

“I’ll race you,” Mila’s voice had a playful quality to it, snapping him out of the murderous rampage he was ready to go on, “Go!”

She took off like a fish, though her long red hair slowed her down slightly, she was fast. The Captain chuckled to himself and swam after her, easily reaching her and grabbing her leg. She playfully kicked her legs and pushed off of him once more, they fought like that all the way to the waterfall. They reached the waterfall at the same time, though Mila was slightly ahead, and surfaced from under the water.

“You’re such a cheater!” she shouted, playfully splashing him with the cold water, “And you said I was childish.”

Captain Levi had a slight smirk on his face and nodded towards the waterfall, “You won, you get to stand beneath it first.”

Mila smiled and bit her lip, the water was more shallow here and it stood just to her waist. She walked to the waterfall and stood underneath it, the frigid water made her gasp and she held her wrap in place so she wouldn’t lose it. The water here felt lighter and almost silky, maybe the Captain was right about it being healing water.

Captain Levi watched the red-haired woman let the water wash down her body. He saw every curve of her body, every muscle, every scar from every battle. She was stunning, her red hair contrasted against her pale skin and her full lips called out to his. He wanted to kiss every inch of her body once more, to show her that she didn’t need to find companionship in the arms of disgusting men. He walked over to her and stood underneath the torrent with her, his back to her. As much as he wanted to touch her again, to take her body and make it his, he knew that it was too soon. 

Mila felt the Captain’s warmth behind her inside the frigid waterfall, she turned to see his back to hers. She felt another surge of affection for him, they were completely alone and half-naked and yet he didn’t try to put his hands on her. She had to give him credit for having such incredible self-control and realized just how honorable he actually was. Captain Levi had always been the epitome of what men should be like, honorable, full of integrity and strong, someone Mila never thought she would ever deserve. 

Turning her body to face his back, she put her arms around his waist and gave him a hug. She felt him stiffen at her touch, then relax and put his hands on hers. She wanted to feel his touch, and she knew that once she healed she would feel the full extent of him, but for now she was more than content with his chaste kisses and small touches. She placed a small kiss between his shoulder blades and felt him shudder at the action. 

“Mila,” her touch was agonizing, he felt the need stirring in his loins and had to adjust himself, “Stop.”

Mila ignored his plea and placed another kiss a little higher, close to his neck. He smelled so good, his muscles felt so firm and strong underneath her hands and chest. She felt her desire pool between her thighs and she placed another kiss on his shoulder. The Captain had thrown his head back slightly, his lip tightly caught in his teeth trying to fight off an erection. He should stop her, he should pull away from her touch and leave. As much as he wanted her, it was too soon, and yet he couldn’t pull away. Her mouth set his body ablaze even though they still stood inside that cold water. Every touch of her hands sent a shiver down his spine, every kiss made his lower region twitch with lust. Mila’s hands ran across his lower back, back around to reach his lower abs and came to rest right on the band of his underwear. 

At this action, the Captain turned to face her and gripped her wrists, “Stop.” His chest rose and fell and he hoped to God she wouldn’t look down and see his desire.

Mila bit down on her lip hard, staring into his face, “I’m sorry, Captain, I got carried away.”

During the time she was kissing his back they had moved out from under the torrent of water, he pulled her deeper behind the waterfall. The water felt like a curtain, hiding them away in their own secret world. Mila’s heart was racing, her wrists were burning at his touch and she couldn’t help but stare at his lean body. She felt his eyes roam her body as well, usually, she hated the feeling, but his gaze seemed so tender. She’d never seen such gentility in his eyes, his gaze was usually intense and dark. They still held that intensity, but in an entirely new way that made her feel weak.

“So,” she pulled her hands away and crossed her arms over her chest, “I think your magic water helped.”

The Captain looked out at the waterfall, the sound of running water filled the small space and made it hard to hear, “I’m glad.”

“We should head back,” Mila shivered, the warmth the Captain provided was now gone, “I’d hate to get sick.”

“I had a good time,” his voice was bright, but he was still looking away.

Mila blushed and began to walk towards the opening of the small cavern they were in. She looked back at the Captain once more and smiled, a smile that made his breath hitch in his chest. Mila walked through the waterfall and dove into the lake once more, making her way back to the shore. Captain Levi pushed his hair back with both hands and sighed deeply, he forced his erection to subside and it finally did. He stood in the cold torrent of the water once more, feeling the fires of passion stamped out. 

After making it back to shore and drying off haphazardly, Mila quickly dressed up again, not caring that she was still slightly wet. She tied her hair up messily and shivered at the cold breeze blowing through the trees. Her mind wandered back to the castle and the hot bath that awaited her, and she felt herself shiver again. 

“You better hurry up and get back,” the Captain walked out of the water, his lean frame glistening with water droplets, “You’ll catch a cold otherwise.”

Mila watched as he shook his head to dry his hair off somewhat, and began to dress once more, “I don’t want to leave you here by yourself.”

“I need to go into town,” he buttoned his shirt back up and gave her his signature cold stare, “You know the way back, right?”

Mila knit her brows in annoyance, he was going to look for Ian, “I won’t tell you where he is. He’s not worth it, Captain.”

The Captain walked over to Mila’s shivering frame and placed the picnic blanket over her shoulders, “Head back to the castle and stay there, that’s an order, Brandt.”

“Sir,” Mila went to put her hands on his chest but stopped herself, instead she pulled the blanket tighter around herself, “I can’t--”

“I won’t ask you again,” the rage Mila had seen in his eyes earlier had returned with full force, “get some rest, we start training early tomorrow.”

He had returned to his usual serious persona, his eyes were dull and gray once more and the small ghost of a smile he’d worn the entire day was now gone, “Yes, sir.”

The small semblance of normal they’d found at the lake was now gone, and it was probably for the best. At least they had both confronted their feelings for each other, and for now, that was enough. Mila gave him one final look before mounting her horse and riding back to the castle. As she rode away, the Captain watched her until she disappeared into the trees. A thirst for blood had replaced his desire for Mila, now all he wanted was justice. Even though he didn’t know who the man that had hurt her was, he had an idea where to start. The closest town to the Scouts base was just a few leagues away, Oluo, Eld, and Guther frequented there. 

The sun was beginning to set and a fury he hadn’t tasted since his early years filled him. He mounted his horse and rode off in the opposite direction, he was no longer cold, in fact, he was on fire. Rage made him blind to everything around him, he barely saw the trees fly past him or felt the cold wind biting into his cheeks. By the time he reached the town, the energy that roiled off of him was dangerous and terrifying, at that moment he was Death. There was a reason he was humanity’s strongest, and it was because he set aside his own humanity to be the weapon they all needed. Now that power would be put up against another monster, not a Titan, but worse than that. 

Entering the tavern, he was met with stares and whispers though his glare around the room silenced them. Even out of army fatigues the Captain was recognizable, every patron knew who he was and when they saw the grim expression on his face most of them left the tavern.

“Captain Levi,” the bartender, Lou, called over from behind the bar, “Welcome to our humble tavern, I’m Old Lou. It’s an honor to serve you, sir.”

The Captain’s gray gaze fell on the portly barkeep, and he walked over to him, “I didn’t mean to chase away your business, I’m looking for a dangerous beast.”

“Ho ho,” Lou’s nervous laughter filled the now empty tavern, “I think you’ll be hard-pressed to find a Titan here, Captain.”

Captain Levi’s steely gaze hardened, “There are worse monsters than Titans.”

“S-Sir?” Lou’s voice wavered slightly, the look in the Captain’s eyes made it clear he was out for blood.

“Tell me,” the Captain’s voice was quiet yet menacing, “have you recently seen a woman come through with red hair and green eyes?”

“Many women come to this tavern, sir,” Lou gulped hard and put a small smile on his mustachioed face, “Many of them with red hair.”

“This woman is different,” he looked around at the tavern, refusing to sit on the filthy stool before him, “she wore a blue dress and was here last night.”

Lou’s eyes crinkled with understanding, “Ah, you seek the ‘blue rose’.”

The Captain raised an eyebrow, “‘Blue rose?’”

Lou sighed and put out two glasses in front of them, pouring some whiskey into them and pushing a glass towards the Captain. After finishing his own drink in one gulp he stared at Levi’s still full glass, “The men who come here would call her that. She always wore that blue dress, she’d come once or twice a month and ‘entertain’ them. She really helps my business.”

The Captain closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing deeply. It happened more often than he thought, she would let herself be used by disgusting beasts.

“After last night, I don’t think she’ll be coming back for a while,” Lou drank the whiskey in the Captain’s untouched glass, “You’ll have to wait.”

“She’s my estranged wife,” the Captain lied, “We married in secret but the pressure got to be too much for her. She ran away a few years ago and I’ve been trying to find her ever since.”

“Can’t be easy having a whore for a wife,” Lou’s voice had a harsh edge to it, “Ian might be able to help you, he comes in almost every night to wait for her. He spent the night with her last night, though I’m sure you don’t want to know about that.”

The Captain’s jaw tightened at Lou’s use of the word “whore”, but he kept his composure, “Where can I find this man?”

“I don’t want any trouble for me or my customers,” Lou’s voice shook as he spoke, “Sorry, sir,” he added hastily.

“I won’t ask again,” Levi’s face was dark and twisted with wrath, and with the reputation he held, he knew no one would refuse him out of fear.

“His table is back there,” the bartender’s voice was nervous and high-pitched, “He should be in soon.”

A sardonic grin spread across the Captain’s face as he walked over to the table Lou had gestured towards, “You’re very kind sir.”

Most of the customers in the tavern had left when Captain Levi had entered the establishment. Some of them returned after he sat down at Ian’s table, but for the most part the hall remained dead much to Lou’s dismay. An hour later, a young man with black hair and cruel blue eyes entered the tavern with two women on his arm. He made his way back to where the Captain was sitting, not noticing the short man in the darkness.

“Why don’t you ladies wait for me upstairs,” Ian’s deep voice filled the tavern, “I’ll be right with you.”

“Actually,” the Captain spoke up, his voice low and gravelly, “Ian and I need to have a chat, you ladies would be better off heading back home.”

“It’s Captain Levi,” one of the women recounted, she was pretty enough but her expression looked stupid, “Are you friends with the Captain, Ian?”

A confused expression crossed Ian’s face but he quickly hid it behind an evil smirk, “I am, I forgot that I had business to tend to. I’ll meet with you ladies another time.”

Both women giggled, kissed Ian on the cheek and left. 

Ian’s smirk was now gone and was replaced with a scowl, he sat down across from Levi and tilted his head cruelly, “What the fuck do you want?”

The Captain stared at him coldly, a glint in his eyes, “Justice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience, school just started up again and I've had to pick up a lot more extra shifts at work. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	11. Chapter 11

Mila woke up in a cold sweat, the faces of her departed comrades swirling around her mind’s eye making her feel nauseous. She felt like she’d been sucker-punched and left without any air, her usual unpleasant dreams were magnified this past night. Even though she had spent the day with the man she loved at a recluse lake, the evil thoughts of her past still couldn’t be washed away. Ian’s cruel gaze had haunted her half the night, and the other half by the bodies of Squad Levi. 

She sighed deeply and rubbed her eyes, sitting up from her bed she looked around. Nothing was out of place, and yet she felt like everything had changed once more. Watching the Captain leave so abruptly yesterday had pissed her off and frightened her. There was nothing she could do to dissuade him from finding Ian and doing God knows what to him. All she could think about was Eren Jeager’s beat up form arriving at the castle on his first day joining the Scouts. Captain Levi had beat the living shit out of him just so the Scouts could have custody of the boy, and Mila couldn’t imagine what the Captain would do to an enemy. Rumors circulated that he took sick pleasure in hunting and killing rapists in the Underground, the thought made her shudder. The part of her that wasn’t pissed felt strangely pleased that the Captain would want to defend her honor. Still, she’d explained that she had gone looking for such treatment, he should leave it at that. 

She sighed again, getting up to do her morning stretches and dressing in her requisite uniform. As she dressed, she could’ve sworn that the bruises around her neck and on her chest had faded. Surely the story about the magic lake water was a legend told to young children, but she had to admit that she didn’t feel achy or sore anymore. She shook her head and put her hair up in a bun, chalking it up to rest and time. The thought still nagged at her, however, and spoiled her mood. The Captain had to be right as always, the same way Petra always was.

Out of habit, she left her room to go to the kitchen where Squad Levi always met for breakfast. She opened the door expecting to find the Captain at the head of the table with a mess of paperwork in front of him. To be met with Eld brewing coffee and handing it out to Petra and Oluo who were in an argument once again. To see Gunther shaking his head and wolfing down his breakfast in amused silence. Instead, she was met with complete silence and emptiness. The wave of nausea returned along with heartache and, instead of sitting down at the abandoned table, she decided to join the Cadets in the Mess Hall.

“Did you hear about the dead man who was found in the town not far from here?” Krista Lenz, a beautiful blonde girl with massive blue eyes, said in a whisper to her friend.

“I heard the poor bastard was killed by a wild animal,” Ymir Fritz, a young woman with brown hair, freckles, and narrow amber eyes, said back. 

“You guys have to get your ears checked,” Conny shook his head and took a bite out from his bread roll, “He was found alive in an alley without his fingers and toes.”

Mila’s breath hitched in her chest as she heard the rumors float around in the Mess. She had no doubt in her mind that it was the Captain’s handiwork and her appetite was now gone. She was furious, though she understood his anger, she didn’t think he would go out and murder someone. Ian was the lowest of the low, and absolutely disgusting but she hadn’t stopped him from doing what he did. She wasn’t trying to excuse his behavior, but she couldn’t believe that the Captain would stoop to that lowlife’s level.

“As soon as you’re all done with your breakfast, meet myself and Hanji in the library.” Captain Levi’s voice cut through the din, his expression was neutral and removed as usual and once he finished speaking he turned to leave the Mess. 

Anger surged through Mila, she wanted to confront him, to see if all the rumors she’d heard were true but there wasn’t any time. Debriefing would begin today, they would have to go through everything Eren knew about the Female Titan and come up with theories on how to capture her. After that, they would start training and run the strategy over and over again until they all got it right. Commander Erwin wanted them to move out at a moment’s notice, and, as far as Mila was concerned, their time for recovery was now over. Both Mila and the Captain had returned to their original roles. Mila was just another officer and the Captain was as unapproachable as ever. Yesterday was a fluke, a dream, something that was wonderful and beautiful but would never be repeated again. 

Mila was the first to arrive at the library, knowing full well that she would be greeted with Hanji’s unavoidable zest for Titans. That was not the case, however, instead, she was met with the Captain’s bored gaze as he sat near the window reading over some paperwork.

“Did you eat, Brandt?” his voice was dull again, nothing like how it was the day before.

“No, sir,” she had gone back to being short with him and sat down on one of the cushy chairs.

“Make sure you do before we start training,” he said, never looking up from the paper he was reading.

“Yes, sir,” she said simply, crossing her legs and looking down at the wood floor beneath her boots.

The tension between them was palpable, the Captain could feel frustration emanating from her. No doubt she’d heard the rumors floating around the castle about the man in town, and had traced it back to Ian. After his departure yesterday, how could she not? Levi knew that he would hear about it later, behind the privacy of his office door under the guise of a morale problem. It had become a little game of theirs, a way for them to be alone while keeping up appearances. Though, with her short responses today, he wasn’t too sure that would be the case anymore. She had put the wall back up, the one that separated them into subordinate and superior. The thought irritated him, though he had to admit it was a smart move. 

Yesterday was a small respite from the realities of their current situation, they’d let their guard down and enjoyed each other’s company. He wanted to put those old, crumbling walls back up around his head and heart. However, seeing her brought back memories of her lips pressed between his shoulder blades and behind his neck. He shifted in his seat and swallowed hard, fighting off the urges of desire that threatened to destroy what little propriety between them was left. He had crossed the line by undressing her and kissing her wounds, it was done out of selfishness. He had done it under the guise of helping her feel better, just as he told her to undress and swim in the “magical” lake water. 

Seeing her covered in bruises and cuts had enraged him, but he had also seen more of her than he’d ever hoped for. Her lithe frame and her full breasts still danced in his mind, and he fought off an erection once more. This was becoming too much to bear, he wanted her damn it, but he knew that she wasn’t ready for that. For that matter, neither was he, he was afraid of the ramifications of an action like that. Sharing their bodies with others to let off steam was very different from what he had in mind. 

“You both are always in silence when I find you together,” Hanji’s voice bounced around the room as she walked in, she was too cheerful as usual, “Are you hiding something?”

Mila felt her heart stop, and she couldn’t help but notice the Captain shift in his seat. The action made her shift as well and she kept a neutral expression.

“It’s too early for your bullshit, Shitty-Glasses,” Levi’s voice was full of irritation, and he began to put away his paperwork.

At that, all the Cadets began to pile into the small library, though there weren’t as many as before. Sasha, Conny, Jean, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Krista, Ymir, Reiner, and Bertholdt were left from the 104th Cadet Corps, along with a few other officers that were in Hanji’s squad. This was all that was left under the care of Squad Levi, it was a grim reminder of what was at stake.

“Good morning kiddos,” Hanji’s voice was cheerful, but it sounded forced, “No doubt Eren here has told you all about the Female Titan.”

At this, the fifteen-year-old boy turned vermillion and lurched guiltily in his seat. Everyone in the castle knew about the Female Titan’s presence at the giant forest and the role she had played in killing their comrades. All sorts of rumors floated around about who she really was, and where she was hiding.

“There have been stories and speculations about her true identity, and we’re sorry we didn’t tell you what was going on the day of. We had to keep the element of surprise, though, as you all know, we did sustain many casualties.”

The Cadets looked around at their comrades, still feeling the effects of loss and despair.

“Commander Erwin wants us to capture her as soon as possible, and we’ve come up with a plan. Eren, tell them what you know about the Female Titan.”

The boy stood up shakily and walked over to stand beside Hanji, “As all of you know, the Female Titan was in our Corps. I thought about everyone who found out about my powers when we took back Trost. Some of us died, some of us are here, but one of us...is in the interior. That’s the worst place for an enemy of humanity to be in.”

The room erupted into murmurs and whispers, everyone had come to the same conclusion except for Mila, who hadn’t met this mysterious person.

“The plan is this,” Hanji spoke above the din and the room silenced once more, “We go to the interior under the guise of handing Eren over, after the mess we made outside the Walls they’ve decided that Eren should be killed and dissected.”

“Those MP bastards!” Jean spoke up, “Eren has done more for humanity than anyone one of those prissy idiots.”

“Did you forget you wanted to join those ‘prissy idiots’?” Conny added in a mocking tone.

“Shut up!” Jean spat back, crossing his arms in annoyance.

“Jean,” Hanji smirked at the young boy, “You’ll take Eren’s place in the armored cart, no one will suspect the difference.”

“Horse-face is gonna pretend to be me?” Eren’s voice was full of indignation, “He’ll blow our cover.”

“Shut up brats,” the Captain’s voice silenced the room, and his stare made everyone look down.

“Eren, Mikasa, and Armin will lead the target to an underground tunnel within Wall Sina,” Hanji continued, “if she tries to turn in there, she’ll be trapped. You’ll have to convince her to help you find the Female Titan, make her think she’s part of the plan.”

“Hang on,” Mila spoke up, she was utterly confused, “who the hell are we talking about?”

“Annie Leonhart,” Armin’s voice was shaky and his blue eyes were wide, “She’s with the Military Police, and we think that she’s the Female Titan.”

Mila looked around at the grim faces of the Cadets, it seemed like a kick in the chest. They had been betrayed by someone they trusted, someone who pledged to give their heart to humanity. She saw the anger in Eren’s eyes, and it made a little tingle of fear run down her spine. The boy was powerful, and he what he lacked in skill he made up in determination. 

“Mila, Levi,” Hanji took out a diagram from her breast pocket, “You’ll be with me and Erwin, we’ll be with the armored cart detail. If one of us is missing it will look suspicious to the MP higher-ups.”

Mila nodded once and looked at the diagram Hanji had put up on a blackboard, “Yes, ma’am.”

“The rest of you will be back up,” she continued, pointing at the different positions on the diagram, “Conny and Sasha, you’ll wait with my squad inside of the tunnel to help capture Annie. Ymir, Krista, you’ll help with the armored cart escort, help Jean escape when the time is right. Reiner, Bertholdt, you’ll follow Eren, Mikasa, and Armin as back-ups. Is everyone clear on their positions?”

“Roger,” they all spoke in unison, standing and saluting Hanji.

“Captain Levi and Mila will help with training and intelligence,” Hanji saluted back, “Report to them outside the castle as soon as you’re all finished here.”

As the Cadets left to muster down at the front steps, Hanji put away her diagram, “Erwin wants them ready in less than a week, that’s when they’ll come for Eren.”

“They’ll be ready,” the Captain said, his voice was as dull as ever, “Brandt, report to the stairs and get them started. I’ll join you as soon as I’m finished here.”

“Sir,” she said promptly, giving both Hanji and the Captain a salute.

“Wait, Mila,” Hanji said, grabbing the woman’s hand, “There’s something I’d like to talk to you both about.”

Mila politely removed herself from Hanji’s grip and stood at attention, “Ma’am?”

“First, you don’t have to be so formal.” Hanji’s voice had an edge of irritation to it, Mila noticed dark circles under her eyes, “Second, I’d like to do something special for the Scouts this week. They’ve gone through so much, and I’ve been authorized by Erwin to have a feast in honor of our fallen comrades. No long-winded speeches or stuffy uniforms, just a celebration of life. I think we all need a pick me up.”

“Tch,” the Captain shook his head, “If that’s what you want to spend money on.”

Mila felt herself smile, “I think that’s very nice of the Commander and you to want to boost morale. When were you thinking of having it?”

“The night before the mission,” she said, her tone wistful, “Just in case…” she trailed off, nothing more needed to be said.

_ In case everything goes to shit _ , Mila thought to herself. Any last thoughts before death should be happy, and she thought it would be good for the Cadets to look forward to something jovial after going through such a hardship. In reality, they all could.

“Then it’s settled,” Hanji smiled at them and began to leave, “Maybe you two could bang it out that night too, then I could stop walking into such awkward silences.”

Mila’s eyes widened as she stared at Hanji leave, she felt faint and her eyesight was full of sparkles.

“Ta!” with that, Hanji was gone, and another awkward silence filled the room once more.

After a few beats and glances around the room, Mila finally spoke, “I’ll get the Cadets started on drills.”

The Captain didn’t have time to respond, she was gone in an instant. All that was left was Hanji’s tactless comment floating around his head, it made his blood boil. He knew that she had no clue as to what has happened between him and Mila, she was just teasing them but it was too close to the truth. The bloodlust that surged through him last night was back with a vengeance.

“Fuck,” he said to himself, shaking his head and standing up to join Mila and the Cadets. 

Thoughts of Mila’s body filled his mind once more, her green eyes boring into his as he thrust himself into her over and over again until he tumbled over the edge of bliss. Her red hair tangled into his fist, her soft breasts pressed into his chest, small moans escaping her full lips, it made him want to explode. His imagination had betrayed him and it was all he needed, an erection threatened to burst through his white pants. Cold showers weren’t doing anything to sate his need anymore, and his mind had rebelled against him. He hadn’t thought of inducing his own release in a long time, in fact, the last time he bedded a woman was more than a couple months ago. He was painfully aware of that fact now as his erection pressed uncomfortably into his pants, he needed to get it under control.

He ran his hands through his hair in a panic, thinking about death and destruction, anything that could get rid of the desire between his legs. Nothing worked, and finally, he relented by shutting the door of the library and locking it. He made certain that no one else was in the library by checking every corner and behind every shelf. When he was convinced that he was alone, he shut the curtains to the windows and sat back down in a chair.

_ I can’t believe I’m doing this _ , he thought to himself.

He took off his brown jacket and freed himself from the harness around his chest. He unbuttoned his shirt hastily and then his pants, lowering them just enough to free his growing erection from his underwear. He then sat back in the cushy seat and gripped himself, if anyone ever saw him this way his reputation would be destroyed. He subconsciously kept looking at the door, hearing small sounds and thinking someone would walk in and find him in that compromising position. 

He sighed and forced himself to relax by closing his eyes and breathing deeply for a few seconds. He’d locked the door and made sure no one was in the room. The thought made his shoulders unclench and he began to stroke himself softly. The action made him bit his lip roughly, and his hips bucked up without permission. He let his mind wander back to Mila’s body, her supple pale skin, her long red hair, those green eyes that beckoned him every time he looked into them. He thought about the day she stepped out of the river, her wet clothes clinging to every curve of her body. The day she went to find comfort in the arms of another man that wasn’t him, he pushed the thought of Ian away and put himself in his place.

In his mind’s eye, he could see himself kiss her passionately while running his hands through her hair. She would grip him tightly and press herself against him, her legs would be wrapped around his waist as he held her up against the wall. He’d leave a trail of kisses down her neck as he’d done the day before, kissing and nibbling gently. He was surprised at his own imagination, usually, he was rough and in control. With Mila, however, after seeing her so thoroughly abused, he wanted to show her what making love was really like.

He stopped stroking himself and opened his eyes, had he really thought the phrase “making love”? She had told him that she loved him, and he had reciprocated those feelings by showing her a tender touch she’d never known. The question remained, however, did he love her back? He looked at the position she’d put him in, he was hiding in a library in the dark pleasuring himself to thoughts of her. He had chalked it up to infatuation before, but after yesterday’s tender touches he was no longer sure about the lie he’d told himself.

_ Don’t think about that now _ , he thought to himself once more, j _ ust finish here and get your head back on straight.  _

He shook the word “love” from his mind and returned to thoughts of Mila’s body. He thought of her nipples straining against the thin cloth of her wrap that he’d barely caught a glance of yesterday. The thought made him harden once more and he began to stroke himself more vigorously. He ached to know what she felt like around him, to hear her breathy moans in his ear as he filled her over and over again. The ghost of her fingers in his hair came back to haunt him and making his breath hitch in his chest, he was getting close. He was pumping himself at a manic pace now, his needy breaths filling the silent library.

She never said his name, she always called him “sir” or “Captain” and it bothered him to no end. He wanted to hear her calling his name as he pleasured her, to make her a quivering mess of bliss. 

“F-Fuck,” he panted out, her green eyes in his mind, “M-Mila...ah.”

Thick ropes of seed painted the desk in front of him as he pumped himself, the relief of his orgasm made his body shake though it didn’t last long. He opened his eyes once more and licked his lips, the thought of her lips still on his mind. Once his member finished throbbing, he quickly cleaned up his mess and dressed up once more. He ran his hands through his hair once more, the desire was returning full force and he knew that the only thing that would sate it was her. It pissed him off more than before, and he kicked a chair over in frustration. He heard her voice through the thick windows and curtains and walked over to look out and see her. She was running the brats hard, almost as hard as he used to.

He shook himself out of it and left the library as he’d found it, immaculate as if no one had been there. 

As he reached the training grounds, he found Mila and the Cadets well into their drills. He kept a neutral expression on his face, hoping no one would notice the flush on his cheeks. Once again he found himself staring at her, the bun on her head was beginning to unravel and wisps of hair fell in her face. Her uniform clung to her body with sweat, and he couldn’t keep his eyes off her mouth as she yelled at the Cadets to hurry up or give them praise. He felt his pants tighten once more as he watched her expertly use the ODM gear to maneuver through the trees. She was an excellent soldier, brave and strong, intelligent and so damn stubborn. No doubt she felt the same way about him every time she was around him, and he had to give her credit for keeping it together the way she did. It was getting harder and harder to stay away from her, he was drunk on her presence and he needed more than what he’d already received. 

_ It’s over Levi _ , he thought to himself,  _ she’s broken down the wall and there’s no coming back. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short post, hope you enjoyed it!


	12. Chapter 12

Over the next couple of days, the Captain ran the strategy and drills continuously, never giving them a moment’s rest. After the two free days they had, the strenuous exercise and abuse were almost too much to bear. When she wasn’t helping the Captain run drills, Mila was running paperwork between the Commander and Hanji. When she wasn’t doing that, she was cleaning out the stables or dusting a random room in the castle for seemingly no other reason than busywork. Every feeling of affection she’d been feeling for the Captain those past few days were gone and replaced with irritation. She couldn’t help but feel that he was targetting her purposefully, but why? She had a few theories as to his sudden shift in attitude, the most prominent being he was trying to distance himself from her as much as he could.

By the fourth day, Mila was starting to hear complaints and groans whenever she or the Captain would walk into the Mess Hall. Even though they’d only been working a few short days, the training was so rigorous she half-expected the Cadets to pass out from exhaustion during the drills. Her bruises and cuts were now gone, along with most of the aches and pains Ian had inflicted. They were replaced with newly formed aches from the intense drills and ODM training.

As she entered the Mess on the fifth morning the cheerful chatter came to a stop and she looked around to see the Cadets giving her cold looks. The Captain was nowhere to be found. These days he’s been holed up in his office, leaving Mila with all the dirty work. His absence made her want to knock his door off its hinges and drag the short bastard out into the courtyard so she could kick his ass. Although, after all the strange dreams she’s been having about the Captain these past few nights, seeing him might not be a good idea. After seeing him so bare at the lake, and feeling his lips all over her torso she couldn’t really look at him without feeling her whole body flush. A small part of her was annoyed she hadn’t had any alone time with him since then, but another part was glad. Everything was moving too fast, and she was relieved to get back to a semblance of normal. They were back to business as usual and she was sure the Captain didn’t want anyone to know about what’s been going on between them.

“Good morning Cadets,” she looked around at the weary and irritated expressions, “Today is a free day courtesy of Captain Levi. Rest up and be back at the Mess for dinner, Hanji has a surprise for you all. Dismissed.”

“Finally,” she heard Jean scoff to Conny and Reiner, “any more drills and I’ll keel over.”

“I don’t know,” Conny looked back at Mila, “I think I’d rather have training with Officer Brandt than a ‘surprise’ from Hanji. What if she brings a Titan head or something?”

“Shut up before she changes her mind,” Reiner grabbed the small boy and dragged him out of the Mess.

Mila stifled a laugh as she watched them leave along with the rest of the Cadets and sat down at the Officer’s table. She was the only one there anymore, the other senior officers were with Hanji or Commander Erwin. All that was left here were ghosts of the past. It was starting to sink in that she would never see any of Squad Levi’s faces ever again, as painful as that was to admit. She could eat again, however, but only because she heard Petra’s voice nagging at her when she didn’t.

As the Cadets were leaving, the Captain stormed over to Mila with an irritated expression, “Did I authorize a day off, Brandt?”

The Captain had barely uttered a word to her for the past few days, except when he was barking orders at her, “No, sir.”

“Then who gave you the authority to give the Cadets a day off?” There was a harsh edge to his voice and the circles under his eyes were darker than usual. Usually, he’d stare at her with a cold, steely gaze but he was intentionally looking past her.

“I figured what with the feast tonight and all the hard work they’ve put in they deserve a day of rest, sir. Besides, I’ve helped you with a pending morale problem,” she stood from her perch and at attention, ready to be barked at once more.

Once again, she had challenged him. During these short days, she had been doing that a lot. She gave the Cadets hour-long breaks instead of thirty-minute breaks he ordered. She would allow them to have free time after dinner when they should’ve been studying the strategy. He supposed he was being too harsh, but with the mission being tomorrow and the small amount of time they had to train he had to be. However, he had to admit she filled the role of leader well, he hadn’t expected that. The Cadets complained about her extreme regimen but he had it on good authority that they liked her a great deal more than him. She had grown into a strong leader they could look up to, approachable and direct, someone they all needed during such times. Mila spoke to the young soldiers like adults and not children and they all grew to respect her. It was enough to piss the Captain off. If she kept this up she’d be promoted out of his squad. What was left of his squad anyway.

“Dismissed, Brandt,” he said coldly, still looking past her.

“Did you kill him?” Mila’s question caught him off guard and he was met with her harsh gaze.

“Pardon?” his eyebrow was cocked in annoyance, and his mouth was set in a harsh line. He knew this confrontation would come but he didn’t think she would do it in such a public place.

“You heard me,” Mila crossed her arms, “I asked you not to go looking for him.”

“In case you’ve forgotten,” his severe tone made Mila want to cower, “ _ I’m _ the Captain, not you Brandt. I don’t answer to you. My job is to kill any filth I find outside the Walls or within if needed. But, since you’re so eager to know, I only ensured such a monster would be unlikely to cause more harm. A beast such as that has no need for hands.”

A mixture of anger, disgust, and a sick sense of relief filled Mila. She was glad that Ian wouldn’t abuse anyone else the way he’d abused her. She supposed she should feel grateful to the Captain for that, but the angry part of her wanted to kick his teeth in. She settled for staring him down with her arms crossed and shaking her head. He stared back at her with an intensity that made her shake in her boots, though she didn’t show it.

“Dismissed, Brandt,” he said again, a hiss in his voice. It made her grind her teeth in annoyance.

“What’s your problem?” once again, her quick mouth was going to get her into trouble, “The other day you were so kind and wanted to spend the day with me. You’re pretending like nothing’s changed when everything has.”

“Don’t make me repeat myself,” he wasn’t looking at her anymore, again he looked just past her.

“You said that you wanted to enjoy every moment we had left together,” her voice cracked and she cleared her throat, “I see now that was bullshit, you probably just wanted to get your dick wet.”

She saw him clench his teeth and ball up his fists, “I have paperwork to do, enjoy your day off Brandt.” He turned away from her and left the Mess, escaping from her intense green eyes and fleeing back to the solitude of his office.

She stared after him, she had an inkling he’d been avoiding her all week and now there was no doubt about it in her mind. Sure, she was the first to put that wall up once more, but it was to keep up a professional front. She figured that he wouldn’t want everyone knowing about their relationship, and neither would she, especially with Hanji around. However, she didn’t think that going back to normal meant forgetting about their feelings for each other. 

Suddenly, Mila’s chest felt like it was filled with heavy stones as a harsh realization hit her. She had confessed her love for him, he didn’t say anything about loving her back. His actions were based on her emotional state at the time, she was full of grief and rage. His embrace and kisses were to help soothe the sadness and pain she was enduring, nothing more. The revelation hit her like a ton of bricks, though doubt wriggled in her mind. He seemed genuine the day Squad Levi died, and the day at the lake. Was that a strategy to help her get back on her feet? Did he use her feelings for him to get what he wanted? He had every chance to take advantage of her, but he never took it. That had to count for something. Hell, he’d even asked her to share his bed and she’d refused. It was unfair of her to have made that comment about him using her. However, his sudden shift in attitude towards her made her angry.

She sighed deeply and her shoulders drooped, the anger that burned within her was replaced with disappointment. She had blown every one of his actions out of proportion, building up a case in her mind that he loved her back. He went after Ian not to defend Mila’s honor but because of his insatiable need to destroy anything evil. Her love was one-sided. She knew it would be that way when she confessed, so why did she feel so dismayed? They had gone through an extreme trauma together and that would forever connect them. However, that didn’t mean that she was now the love of his life. He had asked her to spend the day with him, not out of love, but as a favor to her. He asked her to share his bed, again, not out of affection, but more likely from loneliness. The same way she’d gone to Ian for physical intimacy, he came to her and that was all there was to it.

She walked back to her room in the Officer’s Wing, passing the Captain’s office door as she did. She half-expected him to step out and make her clean something but the door remained firmly shut. As she reached her room, the feeling of disappointment grew until it felt like she had a tear in her chest. She should be happy everything was back to normal, that pesky emotions wouldn’t get in the way of their mission. Still, thoughts of his embrace, his kisses, the husky quality his voice took on at the lake made her heart ache. She had never seen that side of the Captain before. Now that she had, she wanted to keep experiencing it. 

She undid the leather harness around her chest and the straps around her thighs. She decided to change into her requisite ankle-length black skirt instead of the tight white pants. The uniform was so constricting, she always had welts around her chest and thighs from where the ODM gear had dug into her. She took her hair down from its usual bun, trying to brush out the waves but giving up half-way through. Mila never thought she was particularly pretty, but she knew she wasn’t ugly either. The possibility of not being attractive to the Captain crossed her mind, but she shook that thought from her head. 

She didn’t want to think about the Captain anymore. His gaze made her thighs burst into flames, his voice set her body on edge. After feeling his lips across her chest and neck, she ached more than ever to feel them on hers. Being distracted by him could possibly get her killed in the field, but there was no going back now. For now, she needed to block those feelings about him as she did before. The Captain was being responsible by pretending nothing had happened between them, and she would do the same. The mission came first, no matter what. Even as she tried to convince herself of these facts, she still couldn’t get him off her mind. Being busy throughout the week had helped keep her thoughts away from his hands and lips, but now that she had an entire free day her mind reeled with fantasies about the Captain. 

Every night for the past week she thought about his body pressed against hers, what his kiss would taste like. If he was a better lover than every other man she had been with before. Curiosity burned between her legs and her body rebelled against her. More than once this past week she had relieved herself of her passions, but right after each release burning desire filled her again, more powerful than before. She looked down at her hands and bit her lip hard, she could try again but what would be the point. She would be a tangled mess in her sheets, sweaty and sticky, panting out his name until her orgasm just to be met with the same desire moments later. She wanted him so badly, more than anything she’d ever wanted before. She constantly punished herself for not taking him up on his offer to share his bed, wondering what would’ve happened if she said yes. 

_ No point in torturing yourself _ , she thought,  _ either do something about it or let it go. _

She never had a problem going into town to proposition men into having sex with her, but for some reason, she couldn’t bear to ask the Captain outright. After this week, he showed her that he had moved on from whatever had happened between them and maybe she should too. The fire between her legs made her want to run to his office and throw herself on him. Doubt and fear kept her rooted to the spot. She doubted whether he would welcome such a rash and emotional reaction, and after what she had recently been through she feared abuse. Every interaction and caress he demonstrated implied the complete opposite of abuse, rather it showed compassion and tenderness. The Captain was intense and bordered on cruel when it came to duty, but after what she saw in him at the lake she knew he also had the capacity to be kind and gentle. Her mind was a mess of emotions, confused, angry, lustful, grief-stricken. It was not the time for her to share herself in that way with the Captain, and yet she craved it so intensely.

“Fuck,” she muttered, swallowing hard and running her hands through her hair.

She had an entire free day and all she wanted to do was lock herself away in her room and have an emotional breakdown. She was still trying to process her comrades’ deaths and all she could think about was the Captain’s lips on her body. She was selfish and stupid, no doubt he would agree with her on that. She took Petra’s patch out of her breast pocket, where it would live permanently, and stroked it lovingly. She was so lonely all the time, she didn’t have many friends to begin with, and her family was long gone. She missed seeing the blonde-headed girl sitting on her bed and prattling away about how Oluo had made a mindless comment about her weight. 

Tears stung her eyes, the Squad had become her family, they had gone through so much together. Today was about honoring their fallen comrades with a feast, and to give hope to a dismayed Scout Regiment. Tomorrow they would fight to keep Eren with them, to capture an awful enemy of the state and come out victorious or die trying. Mila wiped her tears away and kissed the patch, placing it back into her breast pocket.

“Excuse me,” a knock on her door made her heart race, “Officer Brandt?”

She took a deep breath and made sure all her tears had been wiped away, she didn’t want to look like she was crying, “Come in.”

Suddenly, Krista, Ymir, and Sasha walked into her room. She was surprised to see the three girls, they usually kept to themselves in the Cadet Barracks. 

“We wanted to thank you,” Krista’s sweet voice filled the room, she reminded Mila so much of Petra, “for giving us a day off. We know that it was your idea, you’re always so kind to us.”

Mila felt her throat tighten with emotion, and she cleared her throat before she spoke, “You all are working so hard, you deserve it.”

“Krista, you’re so cute,” Ymir gave the little blonde girl a massive bear hug, “Just marry me already.”

Sasha rolled her eyes and walked over to Mila, placing a potato in her hand, “Here, for all those times you helped me with my technique.”

Mila could only laugh as an errant tear of joy flowed freely down her cheek, “This means a lot, thank you.”

Krista smiled despite Ymir’s tight embrace and looked around Mila’s room, “Sorry we barged in, I hope we didn’t interrupt anything.”

Another knock at her door made the camaraderie come to a stop, all of their heads swiveled to look at Mikasa and the group of boys behind her at her door.

“What are you guys doing here?” Mila’s eyes were narrowed in confusion, “Why aren’t you all enjoying your day off?”

Reiner nudged Conny into the room with a stern look, and the boy spoke, “We were going to the river and wanted to invite you.”

“It’s no fun sitting in your room alone,” Krista echoed after Conny, the rest of them nodded in agreement.

Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Conny, Sasha, Krista, Ymir, Bertholdt and Reiner...she was wrong before. She had lost her family, her Squad, but these young kids wanted her to hang out with them. The loneliness she was feeling earlier was washed away by their hopeful faces looking at her. She had a new Squad, a new family she needed to take care of now.

“Are you sure you really want some old fart joining in on your fun?” Mila’s voice was thick with emotion, the potato in her hand burned.

“Just come on already,” Eren’s voice was bratty but playful, “you don’t have to swim but we won’t let you stay locked up in your room.”

Mila smiled at the boy and chuckled, “If you insist.”

“Should we invite the Captain?” Krista’s question cut through the joyful energy of the small room and everyone looked at Mila.

“I think we should leave him alone for today,” Mila said, she wasn’t ready to face him again and she wanted the jovial mood to continue.

“Let’s go already!” Jean whined. He was the first to leave the room, followed by the rest of the boys and Mikasa. 

Ymir dragged Krista away and was followed by Sasha and Mila who decided to leave her emotions at the door. She would enjoy this time, she didn’t think she would ever be invited to join the Cadets in their fun. Lately, she was envious of them and their jovial nature in the Mess Hall. They were always talking and joking around with each other, they were more serious now but they always took a moment to be kids. She was surprised they would even want to spend time with her, the bane of their existence during drills and strategies.

As they reached the river, a flood of memories filled Mila’s mind. Petra laughing and splashing her with frigid water. The Squad watering the horses after coming back from a mission. Now she would make new memories with the new Squad Levi, and this time she would do her best to be as authentic and open as she could. She wouldn’t hide behind a stoic personality anymore, to pretend to be a Titan killing machine and nothing more. 

_ Enjoy this season of friendship _ , Petra’s voice came back to her as she watched the kids jump into the water and play. 

Mila patted the breast pocket that held Petra’s patch, another wave of tears threatening to spill over.

“Are you okay, Officer Brandt?” Krista’s kind voice floated over to Mila, and she felt the girl’s warm hand on her shoulder.

“Call me Mila,” she smiled at the girl, “I’m better than I’ve been in a while.”

Krista gave her a smile filled with genuine kindness and compassion and joined Ymir, Mikasa, and Sasha on a picnic blanket they’d laid out. They waved her over to join them, and this time Mila didn’t even hesitate. Being with the kids like this made her feel young again, she’d felt like she had aged so much in the past few days. They welcomed her into their family, respected her and more importantly made her feel human again. As she ate with the girls and watched the boys wrestle in the freezing water, she began to laugh. The laughter was deep and guttural, something that sounded unusual to the young soldiers. They had never seen her so open and unguarded before. They all started to laugh along with her, a sound of pure joy. They forgot their troubles for a while and enjoyed each other’s company.

“Alright,” Mila’s voice rang out loud and clear, the sun was beginning to set, “Hit the shower’s Squad Levi, Hanji has a very special supper planned.”

“Will there be meat?” Sasha was drooling as she spoke, grabbing onto Mila’s hand in a wistful gesture.

“You’ll have to find out,” Mila laughed and pulled the girl up from the picnic blanket, “Now go on.”

“Oi, Mila,” Jean’s voice cut through the din and she looked at the young boy, “Thanks.”

“Hurry up you lazy bums,” she responded a note of playfulness in her tone. 

She watched as the young Cadets cleaned up and began to walk back to the castle, joking and talking. Mila’s face was soft and full of happiness, a joy that she didn’t think she would feel again filled her. She felt whole, like she belonged somewhere again. The feeling was enough to make her want to cry again but she was able to hold the emotions in. She patted her breast pocket once more, a breeze brushing past her cheek as she did so. Petra and the Squad were there with her as she looked at the river again. They had never left, she knew that now. They had taught her to open up. To care. To love. To laugh. 

However, Mila felt a cold stab of worry, now that she had spent time with these kids she had more people to worry about. If tomorrow went sour, she’d feel devastated again. She didn’t know if she had to strength to pull herself back together so soon. 

_ This time you have Eren _ , she thought,  _ you’re prepared now. _

Mila forced herself to relax, though the worry still lingered. Eren was powerful and determined, but Annie had proved to be a real threat. If not for Mikasa and Captain Levi, Eren would’ve been lost. The plan that Commander Erwin and Hanji dreamt up was foolhardy enough, but doubts still wriggled in her mind. She watched as the last of the Cadets entered the castle and decided to push the thoughts from her mind for now. Worry would only cause anxiety, that would then be a distraction and then death would be a given if she wasn’t careful. She needed to have a level head around the young soldiers. If she showed any sign of weakness all would be lost. Commander Erwin was always so confident leading the troops, even when he knew the risks. 

Mila rolled her shoulders back and took a deep breath then exhaled. As she walked back to the castle, thoughts of Captain Levi returned and she felt her head spin. The time at the river had been a welcome distraction, but now she would have to sit with him at the Officer’s table for dinner where she wouldn’t be able to escape his gaze or her thoughts. The tactless comment Hanji had said a few days ago still burned in her mind, it had made both of them lurch guiltily. Did she know? Could she feel the energy around them?

Mila grunted in frustration as she reached the castle steps. Hanji was intelligent and very intuitive, it was possible she knew. The thought made Mila want to throw up. It was bad enough Hanji had guessed at it, if she truly knew she’d be insufferable. She could only imagine the inappropriate comments Hanji would make on the field, or the knowing looks she’d give. 

_ Goddammit _ , Mila thought. She was on edge again, the fun and easy nature of the afternoon was now gone. 

“Brandt,” a familiar cold voice almost set her over that edge, “I’d like to speak with you.”

Mila turned to look at the Captain, he was finally looking at her. His gray gaze made her stomach flip and her heart race. She was overwhelmed by how handsome he really was, the rage from earlier had temporarily made her forget that fact. His eyes were as bored as ever, his hair didn’t have a single strand out of place and his white shirt was spotless. 

“What about?” her tone came off more snappy than she’d intended and she felt herself cringe internally.

He raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment on her tone, “I’d like to speak to you in private about our previous conversation. I’d hate for there to be a morale problem within our ranks.”

Mila crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, he was hiding again. “I actually have to get ready for the feast. Can we have this conversation later?”

She saw his jaw tense and his eyes flash, “As you wish.”

“Excuse me, sir.” She said, brushing past him and feeling a little bolt of electricity run through her as she did.

She wanted him to catch her wrist in his hand as he so often did. For him to kiss her passionately. To feel his muscular back under hands and his chest pressed against hers. Instead, she was left wanting. He allowed her to pass him, the tension between them tripling. The ache from before returned to her core with a vengeance, but the coward in her wouldn’t do anything to change it. She had wanted alone time with him and when the offer presented itself she pushed it away. She felt like kicking herself.

Both Mila and Captain Levi heard the thundering hooves of Hanji’s squad, no doubt with a feast of spoils. As much as he wanted to talk to her, this conversation would be better served after the festivities and before tomorrow’s mission. The Captain stared at Mila’s back as she walked away from him, something he was becoming used to. 

_ Damn it all. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, it's been too long. I'm so sorry guys! Hopefully, this chapter will make up for it, though I know I've just made the tension even more palpable. As always, all critiques and feedback are welcome.  
> Cheers!


	13. Chapter 13

Captain Levi sat across from Mila at the Officer’s table, her green eyes avoiding his. He was on edge, and he knew that Erwin and Hanji could tell. It didn’t help that he sat wedged between the two, it was as if they were trying to keep him from leaving the table. He had to admit it was a good strategy. If it weren’t for Erwin’s hulking frame the Captain would’ve already left. He felt Mila’s uncomfortable energy from across the table, it matched his. He had wanted to speak to her earlier, before the dinner so they could clear the air but she had shut him down. He figured she had done that because of his attitude towards her the entire week, he had no one to blame but himself. 

Mila kept her face turned from the Captain’s, she made sure she didn’t make eye contact or say anything to him. Being so close to him was almost painful, and she had to stop herself from thinking about his bare form at the lake. She could feel his hands and lips ghosts across her waist and chest. Mila gulped and pressed her legs together to stop them from shaking. She hoped to God or whoever was watching over her neither the Captain, Hanji nor the Commander could see just how uncomfortable she was. Thankfully, Commander Erwin decided to stand up and speak, helping the tension dissolve somewhat. 

He gave no long-winded speeches or tearful soliloquies. He began the evening with a quick word commending the remaining soldiers for their bravery and strength. Hanji then followed his lead by allowing the Cadets and Senior Officers to serve themselves from the vast buffet. She had come through on her promise of making the night special and festive. A massive barrel of ale had been pulled from the castle’s cellar and platters of meat sat atop the long buffet table. Sasha and Conny were beside themselves at the spread, in fact, Sasha took an entire platter back to her table and growled at anyone who tried to take it away from her. 

Mila watched as Jean whined at the red-headed girl, trying to force her to share. Eren, Riener, and Armin were engaged in a conversation while Mikasa and Krista tried to pry Jean off of Sasha. The sight made Mila chuckle quietly to herself, she wished she could join them. She was waiting for the right moment to excuse herself from the table and the awkward energy surrounding it. 

“Have some more ale, Mila,” Hanji’s voice brought her back to the moment, and she faced the table once more.

“Oh, er, thanks,” she stammered out as her cup was refilled for the third time. Her head was starting to feel slightly fuzzy.

“Make sure you guys eat and drink as much as you want,” Hanji’s voice was slightly slurred and there was a red blush across her cheeks, “Who knows, tomorrow might be our last day on this earth.”

“Way to be cheerful, Shitty-Glasses,” the Captain’s bored tone cut through the din.

“I have to get back to HQ,” Commander Erwin stood from the table, no doubt over the tense energy surrounding Mila and Captain Levi. “Enjoy the rest of the night, all of you.” He left, giving Levi a strange glance that Mila didn’t quite understand.

“Tch,” Captain Levi crossed his arms and he looked away, his eyes caught Mila’s before looking at the ground.

“Aye, aye sir!” Hanji said, giving a goofy salute before Moblit pulled her hand down.

“Squad Leader,” Moblit’s usual nervous energy was replaced with annoyance, “Eat some more bread, please.” He placed a small loaf in her hand.

Hanji looked down at the piece of bread in her hand, then back at the pint of ale in the other. She dropped the bread and finished the pint in a single gulp, she then gave Moblit a shit-eating grin.

The brunette could only roll his eyes and reached down to pick up the bread and set it down in front of her. 

Mila felt another chuckle escape her lips, though she hid it behind her own pint. 

Hanji looked at Mila then at Levi, then back at Mila. Her eyes flashed mischievously, her eyebrow arching in a knowing way. “You guys really need to lighten up,” Hanji’s slurred words ran together, “When was the last time you’ve gotten laid, Shorty? Mila?”

Moblit’s cheeks burned red at her question and he stuffed the bread into her mouth, “Don’t mind her, just the ale talking.”

Hanji choked on the bread Moblit stuffed into her gullet, though the knowing glint in her eyes never left.

Captain Levi tensed at Hanji’s less than tactful comment. The thought of Mila’s previous “encounter” was fresh in his mind, his eyes moved to regard her and see what she would say. 

What Mila said next surprised him, “Good men are hard to find, Hanji. You should consider yourself lucky.” She smirked as she raised her pint at Hanji and Moblit and took a drink in a mock toast.

If it was possible, Moblit’s cheeks burned brighter than ever and he buried his face in his own pint of ale. 

A small smirk on Captain Levi’s face was caught by Mila before it was replaced by its usual scowl.

Hanji returned Mila’s smirk and leaned forward, resting her chin in her hands, “All that matters is that they’re good in bed, the rest is all superfluous.”

Moblit coughed and sputtered out his ale, his flushed face now pale.

Captain Levi slammed his pint of ale on the table, surprising the rest of them, “Enough Shitty-Glasses, this conversation is inappropriate.”

Mila understood what Hanji was trying to say. Hanji was pretending to be belligerent but Mila had it on good authority that she was more clear-headed than anyone here. She was reiterating the comment she made earlier that week, about Mila and the Captain blowing off steam. The thought made her cheeks burn and the flames of desire between her legs return. Mila’s worst fears were confirmed, Hanji had figured them out. The look the Captain gave Hanji showed that he was less than pleased at this realization. For the first time all night, she looked right into the Captain’s eyes and didn’t look away. He stared back.

“When did you get so sensitive, Shorty?” Hanji’s teasing tone made the Captain’s eyebrow twitch with annoyance, and he looked away again.

“Squad Leader,” Moblit’s voice, though shaky, made their attention shift from Hanji to him, “We should call it a night, don’t you think? What with the mission being early tomorrow.”

During the time they’d all been talking, most of the Cadets had left the Mess Hall, thankfully, to continue the party in their barracks. Everyone left was at the Officers Table, and with the way the night was going, it was clear tensions were running high.

“You should listen to your subordinate, ‘Squad Leader’,” the Captain said in a mocking tone, there was a sneer on his lips.

Moblit shot the Captain a severe look but quickly changed it, making sure Levi hadn’t caught it.

Hanji completely ignored the tension between Moblit and Levi. She was more interested in the tension between Levi and Mila. However, instead of probing further she gave Levi a snooty look and Mila a toothy grin. “Moblit’s right, see you all bright and shiny in the morning. Night night.” With that, she left the table while shooting Mila a suggestive wink, Moblit following close behind.

“That damned woman,” the Captain muttered under his breath, “she’s annoying enough without any drink in her.”

The alcohol was still fresh in Mila’s system, making her head pound and the room spin slightly. Mila looked around the empty Mess Hall, her eyes finally landing on the handsome man in front of her. She thought he would’ve left the moment Hanji did, instead, he still sat across from her. They sat in silence, not the comfortable silence from the night Squad Levi perished, but awkward silence. The same silence Hanji commented about walking in on every time they were alone together. Since she pointed it out, Mila had been actively trying to avoid it but there was no way that was possible now. 

The tension between them was too great to ignore anymore, her mouth moved before she knew it, “When was the last time you got laid, Captain?”

His eyes widened slightly at her question, then narrowed in irritation, “If you think I’m going to answer such a ridiculous question, you’re dead wrong.”

Mila didn’t care about propriety anymore, it was just the two of them. Maybe the drink had affected her more than she thought, “You know about the last time I was laid. Why can’t I know about yours?”

“Good night, Brandt.” His tone was harsh and closed off, he began to get up from the table.

She grabbed his wrist, just as he had done to her many times before, “You said you wanted to talk before. So talk.”

He ripped his hand from her grip and unleashed that icy gaze upon her, “This is not a topic up for discussion.”

Mila looked down at her hand, the one that had gripped his wrist. It burned with his touch, she wanted to feel him again, though not in that way.

“I did want to speak with you about a possible morale problem,” he said looking away, “you can meet me in my office for that.”

“There’s no one here Captain,” if she went to his office now, there’s no telling what she would do when they were alone, “Whatever needs to be spoken about, we can do it here.”

The Captain looked at the door to the Mess and sighed, relenting he sat down at the table. Once again he crossed his arms and looked past her.

“What was it that you wanted to speak about, sir?” Mila felt like her head was swimming, the alcohol wasn’t wearing off anytime soon.

He stared at her for a few beats then spoke, “Perhaps this conversation is better suited for when your head is clear.” 

He moved to leave again, but Mila stood up and loomed over him, “Cut the shit and let’s talk.” The fuzzy feeling of alcohol was now gone, she was beyond annoyed now. She tasted anger.

The Captain stared up at the red-headed woman standing above him, her green eyes burned fiercely. The buttons on her shirt had come undone one too many, and he could see the tops of her breasts as she leaned down. He slammed his eyes shut and leaned back, forcing lustful thoughts away. If he wanted to, he could force her onto the table and take her right now. It was selfish, especially considering what she had just gone through, but who was to say? This could be his last day on earth, he wanted to make the most of it. 

“Fine,” he leaned back even more, his eyes still shut “Sit down and we’ll talk.”

Mila loomed over him for a few more seconds then sat down, “Fine.”

The Captain felt his bubble of personal space return and he opened his eyes. He studied Mila’s angry expression, this was the first time in a week that he really looked at her. Every time they saw each other he made the pointed decision to look past her, or else his imagination would run wild. All week he tried to keep her at a distance, to make sure he didn’t cross a boundary. Who was he kidding? By kissing her body, seeing her almost naked and asking her to share his bed, he crossed that boundary long ago.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” Mila’s tone was harsh and full of venom.

“Brandt--” He started, but was cut off.

“Mila. It’s the two of us, and we’re more than just superior and subordinate now. No point in beating around the bush.” Mila’s arms were crossed and she gave him a frustrated look.

“That’s just the thing,” Levi felt his chest tighten but he kept his cold demeanor, “There’s a mission at stake here, we can’t afford any distractions. Not after what happened last time.”

After a few beats of silence, she finally spoke, “As you wish,” Mila’s voice was dejected and she looked away, “Captain.”

“You know that it’s the right thing to do,” he said, his chest tightening further, “That it’s our duty to humanity.”

“I’m not arguing with you, sir.” Her tone was as flat as ever.

_ Goddammit _ , he ran a hand through his hair.

Mila arched an eyebrow and crossed her arms, “Unless you want me to, sir?”

A humorless laugh escaped the Captain’s lips, “You keep challenging me, Brandt. You forget that I’m your Captain.”

Mila shut her eyes in annoyance, “How could I forget when all you do is boss me around? All week you’ve ignored me, made me clean, run drills and boss the kids around while you locked yourself up in your office. I’m glad you’ve been clear with me on where you stand. I won’t challenge you again, nor will I try to change your mind about us.”

“Us?” the Captain’s voice was husky when he said it, “Brandt, I--”

“It’s fine.” She got up to leave the Mess, her legs felt a little shaky, “Thank you for your time, sir. Have a good night, get some rest. Big day tomorrow.”

He followed close behind her and grabbed her wrist, he glanced down her blouse again before letting go, “Brandt--”

“If you want this to stop, you should start by not touching me,” she ripped her hand out of his grip and went to open the door.

“Just shut up for once,” his tone was full of annoyance and something Mila couldn’t recognize, “If things go to shit tomorrow, come find me. I’m not losing another one of my squad.”

“Careful there Captain,” Mila rolled her eyes, “I might think you have a heart under all that ice.”

He chuckled with annoyance, a pained look on his face “Just...do it.”

Mila bit the inside of her lip and fought the urge to run her hands through his hair, “Yes, sir.”

“Dismissed, Brandt.” There was a wistful edge to his voice, “Rest well.”

Mila stared back at the Captain, her eyes glancing down at his lips before quickly looking away. He was so close, if she wanted to, she could wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him. Instead, she gave him a quick salute and escaped the Mess Hall, quickly returning to her room.

“Stupid!” she pulled at her own hair and walked over to the mirror in her room to look at herself.

She wanted alone time with him, but not like this. He had shut her down. Her affection, her advances, and even though it was for the best, it still made her heart hurt. She wanted to run to his office and throw her arms around him and feel his lips on hers. Tonight was possibly their last night in this world, she didn’t want to regret anything. Now she knew how Petra must have felt the day she confessed to the Captain. This was somehow worse, Mila had a taste of what life could be like with him, and he tore it away because of...duty? Or was it fear? Logically, it was more than likely a mixture of the two. She understood their pledge to humanity, it was a sacrifice they all have to make.

Mila sighed deeply and began to undress, donning a long white nightgown and plaiting her hair. Once she was done, she climbed into bed though she knew no sleep would come to her tonight. Thoughts of the Captain were replaced with anxiety. What would happen tomorrow? Would they succeed? Would they fail? If they failed, what would happen then? How many would die? Would she be among them? Mila’s mind swirled with these questions and more, new worried mixed with old worries. She didn’t want this squad to die in the line of duty, she had grown to love these kids. The thought of seeing their corpses on a cart made her stomach churn with nausea.

Even though they had a clear plan and the entire area of their attack was mapped out, she still had a sense of unease. She knew the target, she knew her role and yet something about the Captain’s request earlier made her feel off. He wanted to protect his Squad, but what about the rest of them? Who would protect them? Mila was torn between fighting alongside the man she loved deeply and the young soldiers who befriended her. They talked to her like she was an old friend, thanked her, she would not allow that bond to be destroyed. 

_ If things go to shit, come find me.  _

If things went to shit, the mission had to come first. He knew that. Their first priority was to capture the Female Titan, anything else was secondary. Commander Erwin had made another gamble with their lives, but this time, even through all the wriggles of anxiety and doubt, she felt like it could work. With that, the uncertainty of tomorrow was gone and she decided to close her eyes and force herself to sleep. God knew she needed it, especially since she hadn’t slept a wink all week. 

Mila tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position but it was to no avail. Finally, she opened her eyes again and stared at the ceiling. It had become her ritual to fantasize about the Captain every night this past week when she couldn’t find rest. Though she felt dirty doing it, she couldn’t help herself. The desire she had tried to convince herself of abandoning wouldn’t stop burning. His smell, his touch, the way his eyes were filled with intensity called to her. She wanted to feel him, to hear his breath as he thrust into her. 

Her hand absentmindedly reached into her panties as they so often did at this time of night. The other reached underneath her nightgown to tweak her nipples. She began to pleasure herself to the thought of the Captain’s strong hands and warm body. Pressing her almost bare breasts into his back the day at the lake made her body burn with need. She felt her breath hitch as she continued to rub the little bundle of nerves that she yearned for him to touch. The thought of his hips thrusting against hers made her slick with juices, and a small moan escaped her lips.

The last time she would feel this kind of pleasure would be from her own hand. Not from her Captain, the thought made her angry and she stopped her ministrations. This was no longer enough, though she didn’t have the courage to go to his room and beg for his love. Mila sighed and removed her hands from her panties and nightgown, she rolled over to face the door. She wanted him to barge in and tell her how much he wanted her too. How he needed her. She fell asleep to the thoughts of the Captain’s hands on her face, kissing her needily. 

Mila was woken by the sound of a flare gun popping off in the distance. She had barely slept, but there was no time to be grumpy about it. She jumped up from the bed and dressed in her uniform, careful to place Petra’s patch in her breast pocket. After tying her hair up in a tight bun, she joined the rest of the new Squad Levi in the Mess Hall an hour before dawn. 

The Mess was as silent as a cemetery, all she could hear was the rustling of clothes and the sounds of chewing. Some of the younger soldiers looked somewhat hungover from last night’s festivities. Mila thought about how stupid it was to have a huge feast the night before a mission, they wouldn’t be at the top of their game. They should’ve waited until after the mission, but she thought back to Hanji’s original thought. 

_ This might be our last night _ , she had said. 

She wanted their final memories to be happy, and Mila could respect that. She saw the quiet determination in the Cadets’ faces, even if they looked tired they were ready. Mila sat down next to Sasha, Ymir, and Krista at their table and gulped down a mug of scalding hot coffee. She didn’t have the appetite for anything more.

“Good morning Officer Brandt,” Krista said in her sweet voice.

“Mila,” she said, offering a small smile, “No need to be so formal with me. We’re all a part of Squad Levi now.”

The blonde girl gave Mila a somewhat shy look and smiled back, “I suppose you’re right.”

The sound of the door slamming open and stomping boots made them all stand from their tables. Commander Erwin had just arrived. Everyone gave him a salute and stood at attention as he made his way to the front of the room.

“Good morning,” he boomed, his hair was perfectly coiffed as usual and his shirt was pressed, “Thank you all for sacrificing your sleep this morning. We move out in five minutes, please join your Squad Leaders at the stables.”

He left as quickly as he arrived, leaving the room in silence once again. Everyone stuffed whatever food they had left on their plates in their mouths and began to clean up. Mila gave Krista a small pat on the back before leaving the Mess, following Hanji and Captain Levi closely. Her heart was racing, and her throat felt tight. Thoughts of Squad Levi’s mangled bodies entered her mind but she promptly pushed them away. She had to believe that this time would be different, but she felt herself slipping. Her usual cold and unapproachable facade had been pulled back by these young soldiers, the same way Squad Levi had done years before. The sick feeling in her stomach wouldn’t go away, even as she mounted her horse.

“MOVE OUT!” She barely processed the Commander’s voice as her horse moved of its own volition.

Mila felt like she was in a dream, one that would turn into a nightmare if she didn’t open her eyes soon. Once again she rode with her Squad into certain death, as she had done many times before. This time, however, it felt like a repeat of the day they all died. She couldn’t shake the feeling that many lives would be lost again. The numbness that plagued her that day returned. She felt off and now was not the time to feel that way.

“Oi, Brandt!” Once again, Captain Levi’s voice shook her from her numbness, “Get your head out of your ass!”

His words might be cruel but he was right. She needed to focus and keep her wits about her. The Female Titan was not something to be taken lightly, she had watched that monster decimate their Squad. Now rage fueled her and her green eyes were full of determination. As much as she wanted to take her revenge, this was Eren’s fight. 

_ But _ , Mila thought to herself, i _ f we have to kill that bitch I’ll be the one to take her down. _

She must’ve had a severe expression on her face because Krista asked her if she was okay.

Mila nodded though her expression didn’t change, in fact, it became more severe the closer to Wall Sina they got. By the time the Scout Regiment entered the gate at midday and made it to the MPs HQ her face was full of a dark rage. 

“Late as always,” Nile Dok, Commander of the Military Police, called out, “When will you meet your deadlines, Erwin.”

“When the Military Police gets its nose out of the Scout Regiment’s business.” Erwin threw back, a smug look on his face.

Nile, a tall man with dark skin, dark hair and narrow dark eyes, rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, “Just get that damned monster in the dark. The MPs will escort him the rest of the way.

“If you don’t mind,” Erwin interrupted, “The Scouts believe in doing their job thoroughly. We’d like to join the detachment to protect Eren Jeager. Hanji Zoe, Levi Ackerman, Mila Brandt, and I offer our services.”

Nile scoffed and gestured to his squad to help them get into position, “No funny business Erwin.”

“When have I given you a hard time, old friend?” Erwin retorted back, quirking a thick eyebrow in response.

“Tch,” Nile turned his back on them and met up with the head of the cart detail.

“Always a warm welcome here in the interior,” Hanji said with a bright smile on her face.

The Captain ignored Hanji and regarded Mila with cold eyes, “Fetch the brat, they’re ready to move out.”

Mila’s expression hadn’t changed at all, her gaze was just as cold and she gave him a small salute. She dismounted her horse and went to find Jean. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin should have already left on foot to find Annie. When Mila came back with Jean dressed as Eren she gave a nod to notify the Captain. He nodded back and said something to Commander Erwin who in turn left to meet with Nile.

“This isn’t gonna work Brandt,” Jean’s voice was full of annoyance, he scratched his head, “I look nothing like that suicidal idiot.”

Mila felt a small smile crack through the darkness in her face, “Just pretend to be Eren, no one will notice your horse face. I’ll be right behind you with your gear.”

Jean’s eyes bulged with anger, but before he could lash out he was taken into custody by the MPs.

Mila winked at him and went back to mount her horse, joining Hanji, Captain Levi and Commander Erwin.

The real mission would now begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that I skirted past the Mila-Levi issue this chapter but I promise it will all be worth it. Thanks for sticking with it!


	14. Chapter 14

Mila rode behind the cart in which “Eren” was being held by the Military Police. Hanji rode to the left, Captain Levi to the right and Commander Erwin was at the front of the detail with Commander Nile. So far the plan was running smoothly. The MPs didn’t think anything about Jean’s Eren impersonation, in fact, they ignored the boy altogether when they took him into custody. The real Eren, along with Mikasa, and Armin had not yet been caught by the MPs and by now, should have found Annie to lure her to the underground tunnel. Connie, Reiner, and Bertholdt should be close behind them as back up in case things went south. Finally, Ymir, Krista, and Sasha rode just behind the cart detail to keep suspicions down.

As the entourage rode down the street, most of the nobles in the town murmured about the Scout Regiment’s presence in the interior. The last time there was this much fuss surrounding them, Eren Jeager had been on trial. Most of the comments being made were about Commander Erwin’s ineptitude at running the Regiment. Mila couldn’t tell if the Commander was bothered by such disrespect, but she knew where she stood on them. She was at her limit with their ignorant comments and glared at anyone who dared speak as she rode by.

“Ignore them,” Hanji had slowed her horse so she could meet Mila’s pace, “The Commander can take it.” She put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, gave Mila a somber look and returned back into position.

Hanji’s gesture shook her. Her words were kind but her eyes had been hard. It was a silent signal for Mila to get herself together and focus. She noticed Mila slipping out of her usual composure and they couldn’t afford such a thing. Mila steeled herself and ground her teeth, ignoring any other comments she heard. It was true that the Commander’s orders had sent many soldiers to their deaths outside the safety of the Walls. However, if it weren’t for their sacrifice all these stuffy nobles would be Titan fodder. Mila continued to grumble to herself as the detail rounded a bend when an explosion shook the ground and filled the air with heat.

Everyone in the detail turned their heads to look to the West, a column of smoke rising into the air. Titan steam. Mila turned to look at Hanji who gave Commander Erwin a slight nod that Nile didn’t catch. Captain Levi came around the cart and looked off into the distance as well, his lips set in a harsh line. He turned his head to give the same loaded nod to Mila, one that seemed to convey urgency. Mila gulped and looked back at Ymir, Sasha, and Krista who were all staring at the smoke. She signaled for them to follow a group of MP soldiers making their way towards the site of the explosion. As they did, another explosion shook the buildings around them and a familiar shriek pierced the sky.

Eren.

The young soldier had turned as well, meaning the plan had failed. Annie didn’t take the bait to walk into the underground tunnel where they planned to capture her. Eren would now have to subdue her somehow, though, after last time, Mila wasn’t sure if that would work. 

“Brandt!” Captain Levi called, “Get Jean his gear, we every able body to protect Eren and capture Annie!”

Mila nodded and dismounted, reaching into a discreet compartment on the cart that held Jean’s gear. The young kid had taken off his wig already and was halfway out of the cart when crashing and booming distracted them. From the sounds of it, Annie and Eren were engaging in a violent fight. There had to have been casualties--civilians, soldiers. Thoughts of Mila’s dead comrades came back to haunt her as Jean ripped his ODM gear from her grip. 

“Mila!” Jean’s voice took her out of her sluggish movements and he shook her, “We have to go! They need us!”

She looked around to find that everyone but she and Jean had left to join the others. She then looked at Jean’s somewhat panicked face, he was looking to her to lead him. For the first time in a long time, Mila was afraid. She had faced dozens of Titans, seen endless death, but this….After seeing Squad Levi die, people she had known for years, she didn’t want to experience that ever again. 

He grabbed her wrist and forced her into a run, “There’s no time for this bullshit, Mila! You’re one of the best, start acting like it!”

Mila was dragged behind this young soldier, someone who had barely seen action. This young kid who had already gone through so much and wanted to keep going, to free humanity. She ripped her wrist from his grip and ran alongside him, she then deployed an anchor from her ODM gear. He followed her swiftly and as deftly as a seasoned soldier. Mila knew that, despite his confrontational personality, Jean would become a great leader. She had heard of his accomplishments during the Battle for Trost. She would not allow such potential to be destroyed so brazenly. 

“When we reach the site, I want you to join the rest of the Cadets!” Mila yelled, the wind filled her ears as she flew down the street, “They need you!”

“Roger!” Jean called back.

When they reached the location of the fight, Jean broke their formation to join Reiner and Bertholdt. Mila couldn’t see where the rest of the Cadets were, and, as much as it pained her, she couldn’t think about that right now. She had to find Mikasa and Armin to gauge the situation. She followed a path of destruction, hearing gunshots and screams filling the air. Houses were decimated and the streets were littered with bodies. It had been less than fifteen minutes since the turning and yet there was this much destruction. Mila looked away from the body of a young noble girl as she flew over it, her stomach churning with rage. So much needless death caused by someone who had pledged their heart to protect them. 

“Brandt!” she heard Captain Levi’s voice cut through the gunshots and cries of pain, “Here!” 

Mila landed on a rooftop with a roll, she had been going too fast. She could hear the tanks of gas on the side of her gear slosh around as if they were half empty. She had been reckless, trying to reach the Squad as fast as possible could’ve cost her life. She jogged over to meet Captain Levi and Hanji who were talking to Armin. Armin didn’t seem to be too worse for wear, that revelation gave Mila a sense of strange relief. She itched to see where the rest of the Squad was but knew it was not the time to ask. 

“What’s the situation?” She asked, slightly out of breath, she looked at Hanji and Armin’s faces.

“Annie turned at the entrance of the underground tunnel. She knew we were trying to trap her.” Armin’s voice had a slight shake to it, but he continued, “Eren turned and is currently trying to subdue her. Mikasa is with him, attempting to help but, like before, Annie’s too fast and her hardening abilities are proving to be an issue.”

Mila looked at the Captain then, her eyes dark, “I’m assuming you want us to do the same as in the giant forest?”

The Captain’s eyes flashed with bloodlust and Mila felt a small shiver go down her spine. She was always taken aback by his hatred for the Titans. His skill was unsurpassed by anyone in the Regiment, though Mikasa now ran a close second. The last time they had fought the Female Titan was in the giant forest, they had barely won. This time, with Eren’s knowledge and training paired with Levi, Mila and Mikasa’s strength they should be able to capture her easily. At least, that was the hope.

“You’ll help the others evacuate this part of town. They’re down below with the MPs.” He said finally.

“Like hell!” she yelled back.

As she did, another boom and burst of shrapnel exploded in their direction. Mila saw Annie and Eren’s Titan forms grapple as they had before. Though this time it seemed that Eren had her on the ropes. Annie was on her back, her arms pinned to her chest as he screamed in her face. There had to be a way for him to hold her with the nape of her neck exposed to them, though her hardening ability would be a problem. 

“That’s an order, Brandt!” those were his final words to her as she watched him take off towards the scuffle.

His cape flapped behind him, the emblem on his back made it seem like he was flying on real wings. She felt her heart lurch and the taste of anger returned. She had been relegated to the back burner when her skills would be better suited in the front lines. She figured he was trying to protect her, his comment last night replaying in her head.

_ I won’t let what’s left of my squad die. _

She would be damned if her last memory of the Captain would be this. For him and Mikasa to be relegated to another patch she carried in her pocket. Mila saw Jean’s blonde head stick out from the crowd below and knew the rest of the Squad was in good hands. Reiner and Bertholdt were down there as well, they could handle themselves. This time there weren’t scores of Titans and Variants to be worried about save for one. She wouldn’t let the bitch get away a second time.

Mila gave Hanji and Armin one last look before taking off behind the Captain. She used what was left of her gas sparingly, though she caught up with the Captain quickly. 

“Brandt!” his voice was full of fury, “I told you to stay behind!”

She ignored him, “Mikasa!” She called out for the girl, who had been standing on a nearby building. Mila landed next to the Oriental girl and looked at the two grappling Titans.

“I’m glad you two are here,” Mikasa’s eyes never left Eren, “Captain, I suggest we attack in the same fashion as before.”

“Only one problem,” Mila jumped in before the Captain could get a word in, “Her back is pinned to the ground, we need Eren to hold her in such a way that we can cut her out.”

“Her hardening abilities would just protect her.” The Captain had given Mila a severe look but all it did was fuel her rage more.

“How long have they been fighting?” Mila asked Mikasa, still ignoring the Captain.

“A few minutes,” Mikasa said, still not tearing her eyes away from the fighting Titans, “Why?”

“Eren is giving her a good fight and the Captain is faster than her hardening abilities. If we get Eren to hold her up, you and I can go for her eyes like before and the Captain could then take the nape.” Mila’s plan made Mikasa’s eyes tear away from Eren and regard her.

“We don’t have much time,” Mikasa looked at the Captain, “Mila’s plan is pretty solid.”

“Tch,” was his response.

That was all the short bastard could say? If they survived this, Mila would throttle him for sure. 

Mila couldn’t wait anymore, she wanted to sink her blades into that murderer’s flesh, “Move out then.”

Mikasa gave a short pause, looking between the Captain and Mila, but then shrugged her shoulders. She used her ODM gear to maneuver herself onto Eren’s shoulder, no doubt telling him the plan. The Captain, fed up with Mila’s disobedience, glided over to a building that was still standing across the street from where they stood. He would wait until Annie was blinded and Eren had her in a compromised position. 

Mila felt like the world had slowed down around her. The crashes and booms of the Titan’s fight sounded like they were underwater. Her heartbeat filled her ears as she steeled herself for battle. It felt like she was on fire, like she was a demon summoned for a specific purpose. The purpose being Annie’s demise. She gripped her dual flesh-paring blades tightly, her knuckles white with tension. She took a deep breath and waited for Mikasa to signal them. She saw the Oriental girl’s eyes flash her way and knew that now was the time to strike. 

In what seemed like an eternity, but was more than likely a few seconds, Mila and Mikasa managed to blind Annie. The Titan let out a guttural cry of pain, her hands trying to break free off the hold Eren had on her. He held her on her knees, his hands on her wrists holding them behind her back. Captain Levi was a blur of movement and before she could harden her skin, he had already broken flesh. Annie’s Titan form looked horrified and let out one final scream before it was silenced. 

The Female Titan had fallen, face first, onto the ruined ground. Hanji and Commander Erwin arrived on the scene first, standing next to Captain Levi whose blade had broken on something. The Titan body began to deteriorate around them and soon all that was left was a massive chrysalis. Inside of that chrysalis, Annie Leonhart lay dormant. A final layer of protection shrouded her from the Scout Regiment, much to Commander Erwin’s dismay. 

Mila landed a few feet away from the site when another blast of heat hit her. Eren’s Titan form began to deteriorate as well, the boy ripping himself out of the 15-meter body. Mikasa, of course, helped him out of it and helped him to the ground at which he was greatly annoyed. Armin ran over to meet them, along with the rest of the Squad. Mila watched as they all gave each other relieved looks, some of them even smiled. None of them had died as she had feared, a few burns and scrapes but nothing worse than that. A sense of ease filled Mila seeing them help the MPs load the chrysalis into a cart. She could chalk up their survival to their training, but Mila knew better. These Cadets, these soldiers were resilient, tough. Eren had come through for them, though Annie was trapped inside a hardened crystal, she was captured. The MPs would get off of Erwin’s back, at least for now, though Nile looked like he could spit fire he was so angry.

“Don’t just stand there Brandt,” the Captain’s cruel tone took her out of her thoughts, “Move out.”

Mila stared at him, a sense of gladness washing over her. They were both still alive, she would still see his face and be bossed around by him. Though the latter didn’t appeal to her in the slightest, she was strangely relieved by it. They had survived another of Erwin’s gambles, though there were casualties, they weren’t as steep as the last time. 

He was still enraged by her actions, and Mila could see it in his eyes, “Sir!” She saluted and went to help the others with clean up. 

The next few days were full of frustration. The Military Police wanted to keep Annie in their custody. Obviously Commander Erwin would not allow such a thing to happen, so he proposed the next best thing. They would keep her within Wall Sina at the Scout’s HQ. There was a massive dungeon that would keep her well protected, and the MPs could stand guard there. This seemed to sate Nile and his commanding officers, and the nobles as well, at least, for now.

While Commander Erwin, Hanji, and Captain Levi were in meeting after meeting with councils and military leaders, Mila was left in charge of Squad Levi. They had been tasked to help the Garrison and the Military Police clean up the wreckage Annie and Eren inflicted on the town. That meant that bodies needed to be wrapped up and taken to cemeteries, debris needed to be cleared away. The entire ordeal made the Squad numb and emotionless, though Mila heard that this wasn’t the first time they had to do this. After the Battle for Trost, all of them had to help clean up the devastation inflicted by the Titans.

Eren was taking the whole thing the hardest. He felt responsible for the deaths of some of the civilians and soldiers. Though there weren’t that many to begin with, the town felt devastated. The entire Interior was in mourning, black banners were raised, everyone wore their darkest clothes. The town was dreary and mostly silent, even though a vicious enemy had been captured, the losses outweighed the victory. The Scouts would not go back to their castle in the secluded woods outside of Wall Sina, they were forced to stay at HQ. Their stay would be indefinite, according to Commander Erwin. Mila figured it was so the MPs and the King’s Court could keep an eye on them.

It had been two weeks since Annie’s capture, and the town seemed to return to a semblance of normal. Throughout the time they’d been at HQ, Mila hadn’t seen the Captain at all except at dinner or for debriefings. It was as if they’d gone back to the week before Annie’s capture. They hadn’t had any one-on-one time since the mission, and Mila knew he was still angry at her disobedience. She had the perfect excuse to speak with him today, however, Hanji had sent her to fetch some paperwork from him. Mila saw through her thinly-veiled ploy to get them to talk. They all worked in the same building now, there was no reason Hanji couldn’t walk down the hall to get the papers herself. Still, she didn’t hesitate to take the chance she was given and her heart raced as she walked down the hall to his new office. 

“That better be my paperwork, Shitty-Glasses,” his voice answered her knock, it was bored as usual, “I needed it four days ago.”

Mila felt her stomach do a somersault as his voice reached her ears, and she walked into his office, “Hanji sends her regards.”

Captain Levi’s head snapped up at Mila’s voice, but his cold demeanor returned, “You may leave the papers on my desk. Dismissed.”

Mila walked over and slammed the stack onto his desk, pissed at his blatant disregard for her, “May I have a moment of your time, sir?”

He looked at the mess she made on his desk and leaned back in his seat, “Sit.”

Once again they sat across from each other, it had been a while since she had seen him up close. He was still handsome, he seemed to be a little burlier as well. Was he training more than usual?

“Speak,” his tone was harsh and Mila felt her eyebrow twitch at it.

“What’s the status of Annie Leonhart?” Mila kicked herself internally at the question, she was blatantly beating around the proverbial bush.

“Still locked away in that damned crystal,” she knew the Captain could see right through her, “Hanji is losing what’s left of her mind trying to get it open.”

“Hm.”

“Out with it, Brandt.” His tone was even harsher than before, he was more furious with her than she initially thought.

“I know that you’re angry with me for disregarding your orders that day, sir.” Mila sighed and twidled her fingers in her lap, “I did what I felt was good for the mission.”

He regarded her with that cold gray gaze for a moment before speaking, “You could’ve been killed.”

“That’s never concerned you before.” She met his gaze and held it.

He went silent again, but his eyes filled with the same anger she saw in them the night he went hunting for Ian.

“However,” Mila began, swallowing hard, “I apologize for stepping on your toes, Captain.”

A humorless laugh left his lips and he leaned forward in his seat, “You think a mere apology is enough?”

“I assume you want me to clean your entire office since the stables are tended to by the MPs.” Mila tried to lighten the mood with humor, though she felt she made everything worse.

“Brandt, you’re all that’s left from the last Squad,” his intense gaze never faltered, “They need your guidance, your expertise. You risked your life unnecessarily and the Scouts could have lost a valuable soldier.”

Mila felt a surge of anger fill her and she stood from her perch, “I was doing my duty for humanity. I was helping you capture the murderer that killed our comrades. I thought you of all people would’ve understood.”

He remained seated and looked away, “So you did it for revenge?” he scoffed, “You’re stupider than I thought.”

Mila’s hands clenched into fists and she resisted the urge to punch the smug bastard’s face, “Regardless, I helped you and Mikasa take down the threat. You can stop being angry with me now.”

The Captain crossed his arms, still seated, “I’m not angry with you.”

It was Mila’s turn to laugh humorlessly, and shook her head incredulously, “Whatever. I’m over it, I won’t waste any more of your precious time. Good day, sir.” She turned to leave.

“I was afraid,” his words, though almost whispered, she heard clearly.

Mila stood frozen, still turned away from the Captain. She didn’t know what to do or how to react to his words.

“I didn’t want to lose what was left of my squad,” his voice was husky, it sent a shiver down Mila’s spine.

She heard a rustle behind her and footsteps, then felt his grip on her wrist. He whirled her around to face him, his gray eyes searing into her own.

“S-sir,” Mila felt her mouth go dry, she swallowed hard, “I...We...The Squad didn’t die in vain because of what we did.”

He was so close, she couldn’t think of anything else but his embrace. She wanted to feel his arms around her once more. The frustration and anger she felt towards him melted away, and she was filled with a surge of love for her Captain. 

“Brandt,” his tone was still husky and his eyes had softened significantly, “Mila...this can’t happen, but...” He didn’t move away nor did he move closer.

“Captain,” Mila felt her knees wobble and her stomach flip, “I still love you, and...there’s nothing I can do about it anymore.”

She could see the Captain’s Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed. Mila felt like her body was on fire, it was a fire that only the Captain would be able to put out. She looked down at her feet and steeled her nerve, it was now or never. Before she could move forward, however, his lips met hers in a needy kiss that left her breathless. His arms wrapped around her waist, gripping her hard so she couldn’t escape. Not that she wanted to. She felt her arms slide up and around his neck, pulling him closer and meeting his kiss eagerly. 

He deepened the kiss, licking her bottom lip and meeting her tongue when she allowed him entrance. Their bodies were pressed impossibly close, she could feel his erection on her pelvis, making juices flood out from her core. She tangled her fingers in his hair as his lips temporarily left hers to find her neck. He left soft, lingering kisses from her earlobe to her collarbone and back up. She was gasping and her hips bucked up to meet his without her permission. She heard him hiss and his lips were back on hers, they kissed each other desperately. Clutching each other, making sure this was actually happening and not just another fantasy. 

“Mila,” the Captain said between kisses, “Stay with me.”

Mila pulled her lips away from his hungry kisses, she panted, “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Ha ha, thanks for sticking with the story guys, I know this took forever to get to. This chapter was a pain to write but I like how it turned out.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does contain sex between two consenting adults. If you are triggered by sexual content, please skip the chapter.

_ “Mila,” the Captain said between kisses, “Stay with me.” _

_ Mila pulled her lips away from his hungry kisses, she panted, “Always.” _

Captain Levi felt his lips go up in flames, the passion she had ignited within him all those days ago engulfed him. This was more than he hoped would happen. He fought to distance himself from her for weeks, though he knew it was a hopeless cause. He wanted her. Needed her. The more she pressed herself into him, the tighter his pants got. He wanted to throw her on his desk and take her quickly before they regained their senses. 

“Stop,” he finally pulled away from her lips, he looked into her green gaze.

Mila gave him a confused look but then removed his arms from her waist. She looked disappointed, “I know what you’re going to say. That was stupid.”

“It was,” he looked at the door, “Shitty-Glasses could’ve barged in. Who’s to say she’s not at the door listening right now?”

Mila looked at the door as well and bit back a laugh, “I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Levi gave her the smallest hint of a smile before his normal bored look returned, “Mila--”

“Let me speak first, sir,” Mila interrupted him once again, “I know that you’re not the kind of man to talk about your feelings. I’m not asking you to tell me how you feel about me. I’m more than content to keep this, er, relationship between us. Maybe when this is all over, we can give this a more definite term. For now...I just want to enjoy whatever this is.”

The Captain stared at her as she spoke. Her lips were swollen from his hungry kisses and her hair was slightly messy. He must be losing his mind because she looked more beautiful than ever. 

“As you wish,” was all he said after she finished speaking.

They looked around his office awkwardly, their kiss still fresh in their minds. Mila was ready to burst out of her skin while the Captain wanted to feel her touch once more. Once again, they were at an impasse that neither of them had the courage to change. Levi had made the first move, kissing her before she could kiss him. Was he waiting for Mila to make the next move?

“Sir,” she felt silly saying the word, but couldn’t think of calling him by his first name, “I would...I wouldn’t mind if you w-wanted to….” 

Mila felt her cheeks burn. Why could she proposition men so easily in town but not the Captain?

Levi felt like laughing. She had such a strong personality, but right now, she looked like a virginal schoolgirl. The sight made his arousal heighten. He was used to taking charge in matters such as this. Seeing her flushing and nervous made his member twitch and lust fill his eyes. Strange energy filled the Captain, one that Mila had never seen before.

“I told you,” his voice was low and husky, the sound set Mila on edge, “If you keep calling me ‘sir’ I’ll grow to like it too much.”

Mila crossed her arms around herself as the Captain inched forward once more, “I...Captain, I want….”

Levi’s gray eyes narrowed, his face inches from hers again, “You want what?” He leaned down and kissed her neck gently. She was making this too easy.

“Ah, p-please, sir,” she mewled out, her voice taking on a quality that the Captain was instantly addicted to.

“Please what?” he licked her neck up to her earlobe and caught it between his teeth, gently nibbling it, “I can’t help you with your morale problem if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“I want you,” she finally said, her voice breathless and throaty, “Please, sir.”

He smiled against her neck and placed a soft butterfly kiss upon it before pulling away. He was harder than he’s ever been before, he was reaching his limit as well. If he kept teasing her like this, he’d paint his pants before he could get her undressed. He walked towards his office door and locked it firmly, assuring them both that no one would interrupt them. He turned to look at the scarlet haired beauty standing before him. She was shaking with need, her panting filled his office while her chest heaved up and down. The office he currently inhabited wasn’t like the one in the castle, there was no bedroom connected to it. They would have to get creative. The thought of getting his office messy was blocked out by the thought of Mila’s body bent over his desk.

He reached her once more and cupped her face as he kissed her fiercely. Her arms reached around his waist and held him firmly, her fingers digging into his shirt. His hands roamed her body and began to unclasp the harness around her chest and unbutton her shirt. As much as he liked seeing her uniform hug every curve of her body, he ached to see her undressed again. He finally got the damned buttons undone and threw her shirt on the ground, his lips barely leaving hers.

His calloused hands felt so good on her soft skin. Everywhere he touched goosebumps appeared. Mila was breathing hard, her eyes were hooded with lust and she, in turn, began to unbutton the Captain’s shirt. Once his shirt had joined hers on the hardwood floor, Mila pulled her lips away from his to look at his body. He had been training more, that much was clear, since the last time she’d seen him undressed. His muscles seemed more prominent and the slight sheen of sweat that glistened on his skin only enhanced them more. Mila felt her core tighten at the sight of the man she loved. He was more beautiful than before. She couldn’t help herself and placed a kiss on his neck that seemed to send shivers down his body.

“You’ve been training,” Mila gasped, her hands running down his chest and his abs. The muscles twitched under her fingers as she moved.

He gripped her hips and pulled her closer, beginning to unclasp her pants, “You sound surprised.”

Mila felt herself flush again as he fiddled with her pants, finally sliding them down her thighs and onto the ground, “I meant no offense, sir.”

He gripped her chin and forced her to look at him, “Keep calling me ‘sir’ and I’ll punish you. Though, by the look on your face, I think you’ll enjoy it.”

Mila gave him a small smile, her cheeks were still burning, “I’m sure you’ll find out... _ sir _ .”

He kissed her roughly while she unbuttoned his pants and slid them down as well. She pressed her semi-naked body against his, the sound he made would forever be etched in her memory. His hands roamed over every in of exposed flesh. He gripped her thighs, her buttocks, he reached up and ran his hand between her breasts. His touch was addicting, it was clear the Captain was very familiar with female anatomy.

Mila could feel his erection on her hip as he reached down to kiss her chest once more. She felt her core react to the feeling of his hard member pressed against her. God how she wanted him, and now she would finally have him. She ran her fingers through his hair as her other hand cupped his member, he was larger than she anticipated. The Captain hissed at the action and pulled her hand away, he was too close. He wanted to release inside of her, though he knew that would be stupid. He would settle for the next best thing, but he didn’t want to cum in his underwear.

He reached up and began to undo the wrap around her chest. He felt his heart pound as he did. Though he’d caught a glimpse of her naked form at the lake, he’d never actually seen it in its entirety. Her breasts were freed from their fabric prison and his breath hitched in his chest. She wasn’t overly large, they were almost too big to fit in the palm of his hand. He heard her gasp as he gripped them lightly, and he lowered his mouth to a hardened peak. Mila felt her back arch as he suckled on her nipple, a small moan escaping her. 

His grip, though firm, was not painful. In fact, it seemed to her that he was doing everything in his power to make sure every feeling he evoked was pleasurable. He moved his mouth to her other nipple and she threw her head back, more moans leaving her mouth. She was careful to be quiet, however, she didn’t want anyone in the halls to hear them. He then began to lower himself to his knees, kissing down her breasts and her stomach. He reached the tops of her panties and began scooting them down slowly before she pulled him back up from his knees.

“N-not yet,” was all she said in a breathy voice, she seemed embarrassed.

The Captain gave her a warm look, his thumb gently caressing her face, “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

Mila chuckled sheepishly, “It’s not you, I’m sorry. No one’s ever really gone down there like that...I don’t think I’m ready for something like that.”

Levi only nodded and kissed her lips again, gently at first then regaining back the passion they’d lost earlier. His hips pressed against hers, her bare breasts felt better than he imagined against him. Mila slid down her panties, they stuck to her core with juices as she peeled them down. She felt him grip her ass and stroke her core lightly from behind. The feeling almost sent her over the edge and a slightly louder moan slipped from her lips.

She bit down on her lower lip and gave the Captain a lustful look, one that made his member twitch. God, she was beautiful. He wanted her to scream out his name over and over again until she was a quivering mess of pleasure but that wouldn’t be the wisest action right now. He kissed her lips again, then placed his finger on her lips as a reminder to her to keep quiet. He felt her hands reach the band of his underwear and he felt his heart rate pick up. 

“Please…” he heard her mewl out, “Captain….”

He kicked off his underwear and pressed himself against her again, feeling her slick entrance teasing his member. The feeling made a small groan escape his lips and he pressed them against her’s once more. He then guided them both onto the hardwood floor, her back pressed against the ground and caging her in his arms. He used his knees to open her legs and pressed his hips against hers once again. The heat emanating from her core almost made him explode but he would hold out a little longer.

“After this,” he panted out between kisses, “There’s no turning back.”

Mila nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck and tangling her fingers in his ebony locks, “I know.”

His tip teased her entrance for barely a moment before he couldn’t take it anymore and plunged into her depths. She was tighter than he thought and he gritted his teeth as he waited for her to adjust to him. Her strong legs wrapped around his waist causing his member to throb inside of her. She felt so good, too good.

“Move,” she whispered in his ear, still gripping him tightly.

“I don’t want to cum inside you,” he hissed, his hips bucking against his will, “That would be even stupider than this.”

“You don’t have to worry about that.”

He pulled out and away from her slightly so he could look at her, “You are aware as to how children are made, aren’t you?”

Mila rolled her green eyes and huffed, “Short fucking bastard.”

The comment irked the Captain and he slammed his hips up to meet hers once more, “What was that?”

Mila’s back arched and she moaned almost too loudly, “Ah!”

Levi gave her an evil smirk as he pulled out and slammed back into her, “Don’t forget that I’m still your commanding officer.”

Mila gritted her teeth and looked at him through her eyelashes, “S-sorry, sir.”

He kept his slow, torturous pace, “That’s better.”

Mila could only moan quietly as he kept the cruel pace, his hips making slapping sounds against hers. She wrapped her legs around him again, trying to create more friction. He pinned her wrists down onto the ground and continued the excruciating pace, leaving kisses on her neck and shoulder. He felt himself getting closer and closer, her tight walls sucked him in every time he thrust into her. He knew that he would be hooked on this feeling forever. He looked down at the redhead beneath him, mewling in pleasure and biting her lower lip. He let go of one wrist and began to circle her clit as he picked up the pace. 

Her eyes snapped open at his ministrations and she began to moan a little louder, “Please, sir...I’m getting close.”

“Say my name,” his voice was dark and husky, making her senses heighten even more.

He continued to circle her clit slowly, his strokes quickening in their pace. She could feel him twitch inside her and from the look on his face, he was close too, “Levi, please.”

It was like a switch. The moment she said his name a guttural groan left his lips and he began to slam into her, hard and fast. He still circled her clit, though it was much faster this time. Mila felt her toes curl and her back arch even more as she felt her orgasm get closer and closer. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and continued to swirl his finger on her clit as he hilted himself in her over and over. 

“I’m cumming,” she whispered, digging her fingernails into his shoulders.

Her walls clenched around him as he continued to thrust into her. The feeling sent him over the edge and he had no time to pull out. He spilled all his seed into her, making Mila feel impossibly whole. A couple more pumps and he pulled out, collapsing beside her. Their gasping breaths filled the Captain’s office, along with the scent of their sex.

For the first time in a long time, they both felt whole. As if their broken pieces had been glued together by this intimate act. Mila felt the Captain’s arms wrap around her as they lay on the hardwood floor. She didn’t want to move, nor did she want to speak. They reveled in the moment, enjoying the afterglow of their copulation. The darkness and fear this evil world had instilled in them were temporarily erased with something more powerful. Something pure and so much more than lust. She would never leave his side now, and she knew that he wouldn’t leave hers. 

Mila reached up to kiss his forehead, a gentle act that made Levi almost smile again. He held her closer, her body pressed up against his once more. She had asked for them to just enjoy the moment, and though the darkness of the world waited for them outside the door of his office, he did just that. He pushed away the voice that chided him for sharing his body with a fellow soldier. Who else knew his pain better than her? There was no going back from this. He thought about her earlier statement. She didn’t ask him to tell her he loved her, nor did she tell him to define their relationship. Mila wanted to give it a real try after the war was over, and he had to admit that he wanted to see where it would go. 

Fears began to bubble in his mind. They tangled themselves up in this mess. Death wasn’t uncommon when fighting in the war against the Titans. Either he or she could be killed in the line of duty….He couldn’t bear to finish the thought and instead refocused on the naked woman beside him. Nothing was set in stone and she said she was content to just live in the moment and he would follow suit. He ran a hand through her long red hair and kissed the ends.

_ Enjoy this season of love. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steamy, no? ;) I gotta say, this chapter poured out of me. I was so excited to finally get these two together like this. More to come, literally ;)


	16. Chapter 16

As soon as the Captain and Mila caught their breath, they both got up from the cold, hard floor and began to dress again. The Captain didn’t have a mirror in his office, so Mila couldn’t see what she looked like. She smoothed her wild waves as best she could and hoped that she looked normal. The Captain, on the other hand, went back to his stoic demeanor. The energy surrounding him was different however, more relaxed she thought. 

“What did you mean?” The Captain’s voice broke the silence between them, he finished buttoning his shirt.

Mila gave him a confused look as she re-did the clasps on her harness, “About what?”

Captain Levi fixed the collar of his shirt as he sat back down at his desk, “You told me not to worry about releasing inside you. Why was that?”

Mila felt strange, as if she was having an out of body experience. She’d just had sex with the man she loved. Why did she feel like she needed to return to her perfect soldier facade?

“I’m barren, sir.” She winced as she said the word  _ sir _ . 

Levi almost rolled his eyes at her propriety however he elected to ignore it. What she had said was far more important, though he had nothing to say.

The silence between them returned for a few steady beats before Mila broke it again, “I found out when I first entered the Cadet Corps, I don’t know what caused it.”

“Did you want children?” his voice was small, almost sad. It took Mila aback.

She sat down at the chair before him, as she was so accustomed to, “When I was young and naive I would’ve been devastated. Knowing what the world is like now...I see it as a blessing. Maybe I’ll feel differently when humanity is no longer suffering within these walls. What about you Captain?”

He gave her a long look and cradled his chin his hand, “I would have to agree with you.”

The truth was that he didn’t know if he would live long enough to see the end of the Titans. Even if he did, he didn’t belong in a world such as that. He was the ultimate exterminator, worse than the blood-thirsty beasts he hunted. He deserved to die once it was all said and done. Getting married and starting a family was too far out of his reach.

Mila could tell he was holding back but didn’t pry any further, they’d revealed enough to each other for today, “What now?”

“Well,” the same intense light from earlier filled his gray eyes making Mila’s thighs go up in flames, “I can bend you over my desk and take you again.”

Mila blushed hard and shot up from her seat, “I, er, should let you get back to your paperwork. Did you need me to bring anything back to Hanji?”

Levi smirked to himself and shifted his pants, he enjoyed teasing her and now that they’d known each other as a man and woman, he could do it whenever he pleased. “Take these to her and make sure she knows I need them back tonight.”

Mila took the papers from his outstretched hand and a surge of warmth from his fingers. She couldn’t look him in the eye, “Yes sir.”

She turned to leave his office, but once again he stopped her, “Did I dismiss you, Brandt?”

She could hear the smirk in his voice as she turned as began to stand at attention as she always did. He was right behind her, so as soon as she turned she was nose to nose with the short bastard.

“Sir?” Mila felt her voice shake and cleared her throat, her knees beginning to shake.

Levi grabbed her waist and pulled her close, his lips right at her ear, “Leave your door unlocked tonight.”

Mila bit her lip as his delicious whispers sent goosebumps down her body, “Am I...am I dismissed now, sir?”

He almost kissed her again, instead he let her go and his bored demeanor returned, “Don’t forget to tell Shitty-Glasses about her deadline. Dismissed.”

“Sir!” she saluted and gave him one last look before escaping his office.

She leaned against his door as it closed behind her, willing her legs to work and her breath to normalize. 

_ Short fucking bastard. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies, I'm back! Sorry for the short chapter this week, just getting back into the groove. Thank you for your patience, school and work have been kicking my ass but I feel ready to finish up this fic. I hope you're all doing well during this time. I wish for everyone's health and safety. Love you guys!


	17. Chapter 17

“Everything okay Mila?” Hanji had a smug look on her face as Mila entered her office, “Did the shorty give you a hard time?”

Mila almost made an inappropriate comment, instead, she handed Hanji the paperwork, “He wants those back by tonight.” She needed to leave Hanji’s knowing gaze before she completely lost it.

Hanji took the papers from Mila’s hand and skimmed over the pages, “The stuffed shirts up there are sure having a field day with us. The cleanup and rebuild costs for the town are coming out of our pockets. They’re putting the blame on poor Eren.”

Mila noticed the dark circles under Hanji’s eyes, “Any luck with Annie Leonhart?”

Hanji’s eyes flashed, “She’s still locked up in that chrysalis. It would be fascinating if it wasn’t infuriating. Still, it could be worse. She could be dead.”

Mila sensed Hanji was gearing up for another of her lectures and hastily made for the door, “If that’s all Squad Leader, I would like to be dismissed to dinner.”

Hanji’s smug look returned, “Of course Mila,” she sat down at her desk and looked at the mountain of work she still had left, “You’re dismissed.”

Mila saluted her gratefully, knowing all too well the look on Hanji’s face. Of course she would suspect that something happened between Mila and the Captain. Picking up paperwork didn’t take more than five minutes, especially when he was just down the hall. Had Hanji heard everything? Mila’s heart seized at the thought. Did she know what just happened between her and the Captain? Was Mila’s venture to his office a ploy to amuse her?

“Thank you, ma’am.” Mila scrambled out of Hanji’s office as gracefully and composed as she could.  _ Calm down Mila _ , she thought to herself,  _ even if she does know she won’t tell a soul. _

Mila knew that Hanji knew there was something going on, at least, that’s what she thought. She’d made all those strange comments back at the castle and the night of the feast. Hanji might wear glasses but she wasn’t blind, and it was unfair of Mila to think she would be daft enough not to see it. Mila also knew that Hanji would keep information like that to herself. So why did she feel so uneasy?

It took everything in her not to run through the halls of HQ. Grateful she didn’t run into anyone in the halls, she reached her room. Slamming the mahogany door behind her, she pressed her palms up against it as if she was barricading the door from some invading force. She took a deep breath and ran her hands through her hair, trying to keep a semblance of calm. She’d just had sex with her Captain, something she never thought would happen. As much as she enjoyed it, she felt like she couldn’t keep the feeling of bliss. Mila felt paranoid, as if everyone at HQ knew what happened between her and Levi.

_ Make sure you leave your door unlocked _ , she heard his voice echo in her ears.

Was this going to become a normal occurrence? He’d made that joke about bending her over his desk, though thinking about it now, she realized it was a half-joke. Her body couldn’t lie, his touch was addicting and she craved it more than ever. It was a mere few minutes after their rendezvous and she was still riled up and raring to go. She ran her fingers over her lips, still feeling shocks of electricity on them from his kisses. Her hands caressed her neck, feeling the ghost of his hands on her body. She was drunk on their ecstasy and wanted so much more than what she’d already gotten. 

The thought of having him again tonight made every inch of her body go up in flames of desire. She’d never felt such lust, it was as if she was going through a sexual awakening. She figured it was all due to the fact that she’d made love to the man she’d been in love with for four years. She didn’t exactly know what his intentions with her were, but she also made it clear to him that she didn’t need him to clarify them. Most women would try to put a label on their relationship, but this whole thing was such a foreign concept to Mila. All she knew about love was what she’d read in storybooks or heard from other girls. Her own perceptions about it were skewed. She would proposition men in town just to forget her sorrows.

_ You could do that with him _ , she thought to herself.

They’d both left their darkness behind, at least for a few moments. She wanted to feel that way again. Light. Safe. She’d found that in her Captain’s arms. A place she could only imagine in her wildest dreams. No one knew her pain better than him, they’d suffered the same loss only a few weeks ago. Who better to share in pain and love with?

Still, the thought of seeing him again so soon made her blush fiercely. She didn’t know if she could take it. Sitting across from each other at the table, pretending that nothing happened as Hanji’s watchful gaze seared into them. Mila decided against dinner tonight, she didn’t have an appetite anyway. Her stomach was still doing somersaults thinking about each one of her senses the Captain had ensnared. The smell of his cologne still lingered on her body. She could still feel his fingertips pressed into her skin, marking her with his touch. The feel of his release...she crossed her legs and decided to take a shower. 

Thankfully she didn’t have to fight her way into a public shower, at HQ all the officers had their own private bathrooms. The sun was starting to set and she knew by now everyone would be in the Mess Hall for dinner. She was in no danger of being bothered in her quarters. She decided to take a cold shower to stamp out the warmth between her legs, though it barely did just that. She took her time, washing her long red locks and letting the cool water soothe her body. 

Every time she closed her eyes she saw his gray gaze staring at her intently. She could imagine his hands on her chest and while his body was pressed against hers. He was so strong and well-sculpted from all the training he’d gone through. As a fellow soldier, she could appreciate all the hard work that went into having such a body. It didn’t come without blood, sweat, or tears. Her own body bore the same marks and muscles he had. Marks that signified their fight for freedom out of these confining Walls. 

Once satisfied with her cleanliness, she wrapped a towel around herself and combed the tangles out of her hair. She kept expecting him to come in at any time. To turn around and find him staring at her with that intense gray gaze. He disarmed her with those eyes, something she used to loathe so deeply. Leaving her bathroom, she was slightly disappointed not to find him in her room. She shook her head, it was barely dusk. He was probably still holed up in his office finishing his precious paperwork and eating a paltry meal. Mila couldn’t believe she was feeling that way after already having him once today. Just one taste of him was apparently all it took for her to act like a crazy lover. She forced herself to forget about whether or not he would visit her tonight and dressed in her nightclothes. 

She grabbed a book off her nightstand and settled into her bed. Every few minutes she would look up from the page and stare at the door intently as if she could will his presence into existence. It was completely ludicrous. Mila found herself re-reading the same sentence over and over again, unable to focus on the story. Her heart was beating unusually fast and her palms were sweaty. She felt like a teen again, unsure about boys and inexperienced. She finally slammed her book shut, slamming her head back into the headboard and groaning. 

Her eyes wandered to the door again, and she got up from her bed. She pressed her ear to the door and felt her heart rate speed up even more. Pulling away, she looked down at the doorknob, fighting with herself on whether or not she should lock it. She obviously wanted to see him again, to feel his touch. However, the way she was feeling now, so jittery and needy, scared her. If she continued to feed into those feelings she feared she would lose herself to them. And if she lost him in battle….She moved to lock the door, but before she could the doorknob jiggled and the door opened. 

“It’s not safe for a woman to sleep with her door unlocked,” Levi’s honeyed voice filled her ears. 

He carefully closed the door behind him and locked it. Mila took in the sight of him. She could tell he’d just showered by the unkempt wetness of his ebony hair and the smell of soap filling her room. He wore his usual black and white ensemble, though his shirt was unbuttoned slightly. She’d never seen him look so laid back and casual. The desire she’d been stamping out all afternoon and evening returned full force.

She threw her head back and shook her head, a small smirk on her lips, “It’s not proper for a man to enter a woman’s room.”

Levi chuckled quietly, cracking his bored facade, “It seems like you were asking for it, Brandt.”

Mila blushed at his use of the husky tone in his voice, she bit her bottom lip, “If I recall correctly, sir, it was  _ you _ who asked  _ me _ to keep my door unlocked.”

He was nose to nose with her again, as they so often found themselves, “It seems we were both eager.”

Mila brushed an errant lock of hair from his eyes, and he grabbed her hand as she did. Pressing a chaste kiss onto her palm, she felt his other hand loop around her waist. 

“Already excited I see,” her voice was teasing as she felt his hardened member against her hip, “Have you been thinking about me all day?”

He shut her up with a burning kiss that left her gasping, “Don’t make me punish you, Brandt.”

Mila’s hands wrapped around his neck and her fingers dug themselves into his hair, “You’re a perverted bastard, sir.”

As she spoke, he kissed down her neck and at her utterance of the word  _ sir _ , he bit down gently. This caused her to mewl out and grip his shoulders tightly. She threw her head back, reveling in the touch she had craved so deeply all day. They were lost in each other’s bodies again. Everywhere he touched, goosebumps rose on her body. Her own fingers sent shivers down the Captain’s muscular body. It was as if earlier’s escapade hadn’t been enough for them. If they were completely honest with themselves, it hadn’t. They’d been repressing all these thoughts and emotions for weeks. For Mila, it had been years. They would enjoy as much as they could of each other.

Mila pulled his lips back up from her neck to hers and pressed a passionate kiss against them. Her body thrust itself against his, craving more and more of his touch. His hands obliged her and ran down her waist over her buttocks to squeeze her thighs and back up her back. His touch was still needy, but this time he took his time caressing her body. It was as if he was mapping out every inch of her with his fingertips. His lips massaged hers hungrily, his tongue poked out and licked her bottom lip. Mila gasped, and as she did he took the chance to explore her mouth with his tongue. 

They kissed each other deeply for quite some time, barely breaking for breath. When they would pull away to catch their breath, a clear strand of saliva connected their lips and their panting would fill the room.

“Do you want me to show you just how perverted I can be?” His voice was barely more than a whisper, making more goosebumps appear on her body.

Mila took his hands off her waist and took a step back, her cheeks flushing, “I, er....”

Levi began to unbutton his shirt, taking a step towards her. Every step he took forward, she took a step back. Soon enough, the back of her knees were pressed against her bed and she was stuck. Levi’s shirt was fully unbuttoned, showing off his muscular body. She was mesmerized by his form and she took a moment to fully appreciate it. Her hands moved on their own and she ran her fingertips from the waistband of his pants up to his abs and then to his chest. Her touch elicited a sigh from him and he grabbed her wrists in response. He led her hands up and down his body, finally having them land on the button to his pants. 

Mila looked into his eyes, biting her lower lip and deciding to take the plunge. She expertly unbuttoned his pants and dipped her fingers into his underwear teasingly. Levi’s breath hitched in his chest and he leaned forward to kiss Mila again. He plunged his own fingers in the waistband of her sleep shorts, finding that she had no underwear on. He smirked against her lips and pressed his hips against her, making sure she felt every inch of his erection. How was it possible that he still wanted her so much even after today’s escapades?

He pulled her shorts down and ripped her shirt off her body, leaving her naked. The fact that she hadn’t been wearing any underwear made him harder. She’d been as excited about their “festivities” as he was. She pulled off his shirt and began to pull down his pants before he pushed her hands away and threw her on the bed. 

“What are you doing?” Her voice was breathy and slightly shaky.

The sight of Mila naked on the bed with her legs slightly open made his member twitch in his pants, “Inspection.”

Mila’s eyes widened, but it was too late. He had a strong grip on her legs no matter how hard she kicked she couldn’t get free. His fingertips traveled from her ankles to her thighs and he pressed kisses into them. He gently forced her legs open and smirked at the sight of her wet core. 

“C-Captain...this is embarrassing.” Mila stammered out as he looked at her. 

There was nothing she could do except look on. Besides, the thought of him wanting to explore her body turned her own way more than she thought it would. She propped herself up on her elbows and watched the man she loved looking at her most intimate parts.

He kissed her inner thigh, still smirking, “Shut up, Brandt. Stop pretending to be a prude. You and I both know you’re experienced.”

Mila blushed and looked away, “Not in this.”

Levi stopped what he was doing and looked up at her, “I thought--”

“My pleasure was never really a priority,” Mila’s voice was small and distant, she couldn’t look at him, “Sorry to disappoint.”

He crawled up from his perch and leaned in to kiss her. His energy had shifted from a lustful intensity to a gentle passion. Levi’s kiss was sweet and soft, his calloused hands roaming her chest. He wanted to take his time with her and fully show her what sex should be like. He carefully tweaked a nipple with one hand and the other slowly made its way down to her thighs. The action caused Mila’s breath to hitch in her chest and kiss him harder. 

“Open your legs,” he whispered against her lips.

Mila obliged unclenching her thighs and spreading her legs so he could see her. Again, she felt exposed but his hands were reassuring and she was curious to see what he would do. Levi lowered himself to her breasts and carefully ran his tongue over the hardened peaks, his fingers teasingly caressing her inner thighs. Mila threw her head back and sighed as he continued to suck on her nipples, feeling his fingers inch closer and closer to her slick core.

His head moved further down her body, licking and sucking at her exposed flesh. She tangled her fingers in his black hair and enjoyed every sensation he gave her. His fingers teased the entrance to her center, carefully running over each fold and then barely brushing her clit. He made stars dance in her vision and shivers ran from the top of her head to her toes. He nipped at her hips and her mound. She noticed his touch was getting slightly rougher but it didn’t phase her, in fact, she began to enjoy it. She knew by his reaction from earlier that he wouldn’t do anything to make her feel unsafe. 

His fingers brushed her clit once more before his tongue joined his hands at her core. Mila shot up and perched on her elbows to look at him, the sensation was new but not unwelcome. Levi smirked into her core and gave her a long lick from the bottom to her slowly swelling clit. Mila moaned loudly, and he did it again just to hear her make that sound. The stir he elicited in her made her forget about potential ears that could be listening at the door or in the hall. She didn’t care anymore, she just wanted to keep feeling like this. 

“Put your legs over my shoulders,” he said into her, licking her aching center, “It’ll feel better.”

Mila did what she was told. As she did, she felt his tongue enter her, lapping at every part of her. Her back arched and she gripped her breasts, lewdly playing with her nipples as he continued to tongue-fuck her. 

“Ah, Levi,” she moaned out between heavy breaths, “Don’t stop.”

She couldn’t see it but he smirked again and moved his thumb to circle her clit as his tongue continued to lap at her insides. 

Mila hissed and gripped her nipples harder, feeling her climax build. God he felt so good, she couldn’t keep it together. Her breathy cries of ecstasy filled the room and excited Levi more than before. He knew she was close and she rubbed her clit harder. 

“Levi!” She cried out as she came all over his mouth, she ground her core into his lips in an effort to ride out her orgasm. 

He let her grind and continued to circle her clit, tasting every drop of love juice she secreted. She tasted too good, it made him incredibly hard. 

Finally, Mila relaxed and her bottom dropped back onto the bed and her breath began to settle. Levi surfaced and licked his lips, still reveling in her taste. He gazed her lithe body, watching her breasts rise and fall. His eyes traveled from her breasts to her face, a blissful expression upon it. He’d never seen her so unguarded. 

“That was amazing,” she whispered, “It’s never felt like that.”

Levi smirked once again and removed his clothing, tossing it onto the floor haphazardly. He didn’t care about the mess, he just wanted to be inside of her. 

“Did I pass inspection Captain?” Mila’s voice was teasing, her eyes were closed. 

“Almost,” he said positioning himself between her legs, “One more benchmark needs to be met.”

Mila’s eyes finally opened and she saw the beautiful man above her, caging her in his arms again. She could see every scar, every muscle on his chest, his clear gray eyes. His scent was overwhelming her senses. Warmth emanated from his body. She could feel his engorged member pressed up against her inner thigh. 

“Wait,” Mila’s voice was small as the Captain pressed butterfly kisses on her neck, “I wanted to reciprocate.”

Levi pushed a strand of red hair out of her eyes and kissed her lips, “Next time.”

She could taste herself on his lips and tongue, it was intoxicating,  _ This was going to happen again? _

Her thoughts were interrupted by his hips pressing against hers and entering her in a smooth movement. She felt whole again as if a missing piece had been returned to its rightful place. She sighed and closed her eyes, digging her fingernails into his shoulders. 

“Mi-Mila...ah,” Levi groaned out as she did so, the feeling of her nails heightening his pleasure, “You’re too tight.”

It was Mila’s turn to smirk and she clenched her kegles, making herself tighter. She heard him groan again and his head buried itself in the crook of her neck. She could feel his pants against her skin, raising goosebumps in their wake.

“You’re already close?” She teased, clenching around him again, “I suppose that means I’ve passed inspection then.”

Levi pulled himself out, his head still buried in her neck. “Shut up Brandt,” he managed to get out, “Don’t forget yourself.”

An evil light entered Mila’s green eyes. She carefully wrapped her legs around his waist and put her arms around his neck. Using her weight, she flipped them around so that she was on top. 

Levi’s eyes were wide as he stared up at the red-haired vixen, “What are you doing?”

Mila lowered herself onto his member and sighed as he filled her again, “Making sure that I hit those benchmarks.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed and he tried to flip them, but Mila had the upper hand and clenched around him again. This caused him to hiss and his hips bucked up without his permission. 

“You’re gonna get it, Brandt.” His voice dripped with sex-appeal and lust.

Without another word, Mila began her slow torture. Moving up and down his member while clenching around him as hard as she could. Every thrust onto him sent bolts of electricity through her body, she’d always wanted to try this position. Levi’s eyes were screwed shut and his hands were tangled in her sheets. It seemed like he was trying not to come undone. Every time she dropped onto him felt like ecstasy, but it wasn’t enough friction for him to reach the edge. She was driving him absolutely mad.

She made a twisting motion with her hips and his eyes snapped open. He gripped her waist and held her down tightly so she would stop. 

“Too much for you, Captain?” Mila’s voice had a taunt to it, she ground her hips against him again.

He grit his teeth and held her tighter, “Shut up, Brandt.”

“Say my name,” she leaned down and whispered in his ear, griding her hips slowly, “Say it and I’ll let you cum.”

Mila had made a fatal mistake, by leaning down she lost an optimal position. Levi was able to flip them back easily and now he was on top, his gray eyes were stormy. 

“I’ll have to punish you now, Brandt.” His voice was low and gravelly, like a growl.

Before she could speak or kick up a fuss, he flipped her around on her hands and knees and slammed into her. He pulled out slowly and slammed into her hard again. He did this over and over until he felt the fight leave her. Mila’s toes were curled and her eyes were rolled to the back of her head as he continued to fuck her slowly. She felt like she was losing her mind. Her body wasn’t her own in a new way. She’d never felt like this before. Even though he was rough and passionate, he wasn’t angry and harsh. She was falling under his spell even more.

“C-close,” she moaned out, her eyes still rolled to the back of her head, “So c-close.”

“Not yet,” he said with a smirk, still going at his slow pace.

He was glad to be back in a position of power. Not that he didn’t enjoy being taken advantage of by her. Her hips could kill a man. It was just the fact that he wanted to enjoy her body on his terms. He’d been thinking about what he would do to her all day. It seemed like she was enjoying it just as much as he was. 

He leaned forward to place a kiss on the back of her neck, “Beg me to let you cum.”

Mila shook her head, trying to force her body against his to create more friction.

He pinned her body down with his own, licked the shell of her ear and whispered, “Beg.”

Mila’s body shuddered as he continued to thrust into her, this position allowing him to reach new depths. 

“Please, Captain…” she mewled, “Please let me cum, sir.”

He bit the back of her neck and began to pump a little faster, “Say my name.”

“Levi, please!” she begged, he could hear the tears in her voice.

He pulled her up onto her hands and knees again and spread her out further.

“Trust me,” he said in a gentle voice before grabbing her arms and pulling them back.

She was held up by his sheer strength as he plowed into her fast and hard. The sound of his hips against her ass and their harsh breaths filled the room. Her head was thrown back and her back was arched as he plunged deeper and deeper into her. She felt like she was breaking in half.

“Cum for me, Mila,” he said in her ear, the feeling sending shivers down her spine.

“Levi!” she cried out as she came all over him, her pussy clenching around his member.

The feeling sent him over the edge as well, and they both collapsed on Mila’s now messy and slightly damp bed. He was careful enough not to crush her, but he was still inside her. 

“H-how are you still hard?” She asked. He could feel her shaking underneath him.

Levi barely had the strength to shrug and he pulled out of her and rolled onto his back. He looked down at his member and saw that it was, in fact, still hard. His core and shoulders were sore but he didn’t feel fully satisfied. The thought was crazy to him. They’d just finished and he was still raring to go?

Mila was still on her stomach, she could feel his seed trickling out of her. The feeling was incredible and she thought it strange she still wanted more. She turned on her side to face him, feeling that her body was slightly sore.

“Did I pass inspection?” she asked, she was still trying to catch her breath.

Levi smirked in response, “I think another test run is in order.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading my lovelies. Hope you all are doing well during this confusing and scary time. My comments and DMs are open for anyone who wants to talk about this story or just in general. As always, critiques are always welcome and thanks again!


	18. Chapter 18

Sounds of stirring woke Mila from a restful sleep though she didn’t open her eyes. She felt a weight on her left side, keeping her pinned to the bed. When she felt the heaviness shift her eyes snapped open to see the Captain in her bed. She looked down to see him pressed up against her, his legs were intertwined with hers. His hair was messy and poked out in different directions. Mila gingerly placed her hand on his locks and smoothed them down, smiling at the sight. She’d never seen the Captain look so unguarded. He looked almost...peaceful.

“You’re staring Brandt,” he said out of the corner of his mouth.

Mila blushed and scowled, “My arm’s asleep. Get off.”

The Captain shifted enough so she could get free of his grasp. Without his warmth pressed against her, she felt a chill come over her. She shivered and got out of bed to take a hot shower. 

“Why are you covering yourself up?” the Captain called lazily, “I’ve already seen everything.”

Mila’s blush deepened and she realized she had unconsciously wrapped herself in a towel, “I’m just cold.”

“I can warm you up,” his tone sent another shiver down her spine.

She scoffed and walked into her bathroom, “You’ve done enough.”

Mila closed the door behind her and let her towel fall to the ground. She noticed a small hickey on her collarbone and pressed a finger into the tender flesh. What was it with her and picking men that liked to mark her? She thought back to last night and bit her lower lip. It was the best night she’d ever experienced, and she secretly liked that he had marked her. In her mind that meant she was his, just for the night at least.

She turned on the hot water and stepped into the warm spray. She felt aches that she hadn’t noticed before melt away in the water. She began to lather up when she heard the door open.

“This bathroom is filthy.” Levi’s voice bounced off the tiled walls.

Mila stiffened, “If you think that, then go to your own shower.”

The Captain entered the stall she was in and gave her a smug look, “Why waste the water when we can take a shower together?”

Mila covered up her breasts though she knew it was stupid, he’d been all over them last night. He ignored her anyway and took the soap from her hand and turned her to face away from him.

He began to scrub her back, “Maybe I can show you how to bathe properly.”

Mila whipped around and tried to snatch the soap back from him, “Give me that back you short bastard!”

“That’s no way to speak to your commanding officer,” his tone was smug and there was a hint of a smile on his lips.

She had no luck retrieving the soap from him. Mila sighed deeply and decided to just ignore him and began washing her hair. She heard him chuckle but continued to ignore him, focusing on her hair. Once she was satisfied, she moved towards the spray to rinse herself off but found the Captain was blocking the way.

“Excuse me, sir,” she said, her eyes screwed shut to keep the soap from getting in her eyes, “I need to rinse my hair.”

She felt his wet body press up against her, and his lips trailed up to the spot she had touched earlier. The place where he’d left his mark on her.

“I see I enjoyed myself a little too much last night,” he purred against her, still not letting her into the water.

Mila’s eyes began to burn and she gently pushed him out of the way to rinse off. When her hair was clear of suds and her eyes didn’t sting anymore she focused on the Captain.

“What are we doing Captain?” she asked, her body shivering from his touch.

“Well, you see Brandt, this is called a shower.” He said smugly.

She could barely focus on what she was saying, his body looked glorious. He glistened with water droplets and his hair was pushed back and away from his handsome features. All his muscles bulged as he lathered himself up and Mila could see he was trying to hide an erection.

“I mean...you should’ve returned to your room last night. What if someone sees us leave the room together?”

“I’ll tell them the truth.” He said simply.

Mila’s eyes widened and her heart beat furiously, “You would?”

“Of course,” he pushed her aside and walked into the spray, rinsing himself off, “I was conducting an inspection.”

Mila’s cheeks burned again and she looked away, “Bastard.”

“I think…” he pulled her against him, “I think I’ll conduct another inspection this morning.”

Mila tried to pull away but his grip was too delightful and his slick skin felt incredible against hers. She felt his strong hands rest on her buttocks as he pressed his lips into hers once again. Levi’s erection pressed right up against her core, poking itself between her thighs. It felt like it was on fire and instantly got Mila excited.

“C-Captain…” she mewled against his lips as she tangled her fingers into his hair.

“I thought we talked about using propriety, Brandt.” He said against her lips, “I’ll have to punish you for insubordination.”

Mila felt his grip tighten as he squeezed her bottom and pressed her against the shower wall. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and deepened the kiss, feeling his member poke at her entrance. His lips left hers and returned to her collarbone. He left another mark mirroring the one on her left clavicle. She didn’t care anymore, his touch was addicting. 

“Turn around,” he purred into her ear.

Mila did as she was told and she pressed her breasts onto the cold tile. She felt his fingers touch her entrance, grazing her lower lips. He then plunged a digit into her depths and then another. Mila moaned uselessly against the wall as he assaulted all her senses.

Levi was falling in love with the sounds she made. He felt his member harden even more as he pressed himself against her soaked folds. He then entered her in a smooth movement, his hips slapping against her taut ass. She was sucking him in, her walls pulsed around him. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t had enough of her yet. 

“Mmn,” Mila moaned out as his member slid in and out of her, “Please...more.”

The Captain was more than happy to oblige and lifted one of her legs up to spread her out more. Mila reached down between her legs to circle her clit as he thrust into her over and over. She noticed he liked to start off painfully slow as if he was savoring the feeling. She couldn’t complain, however, especially since he filled her up so entirely.

He felt himself start to unravel, her core made him feel like his member was melting. He was getting close too fast once again. She had that effect on him. Mila could tell he was struggling to make himself last. 

“Cum in me Levi,” she said against the tile wall, her voice echoed against it.

The Captain bit his lower lip and began to thrust into her faster and harder than before, still holding her leg up. Mila circled her clit faster and faster, loving the feeling of being stretched out by the man she loved. 

“I’m cumming!” she cried out with passion, her pussy throbbing with an orgasm as she said it.

Almost at the same time, Levi bust inside her feeling the strength leave his legs. After a couple more pumps, he let go of her leg but remained inside her. He kept her pressed against the tiled wall, feeling her throb around his member. He’d never felt more drained than he did at this moment. After last night’s events and what happened just now, he finally felt satisfied. At least, for now.

Mila felt him pull out, and all his semen dripped out of her. She felt her legs turn to jelly and her stomach flutter. Was this going to happen all the time now? Her secret side hoped it would.

“I need to clean up again,” she finally said, and she felt his warmth leave her back. 

She cleaned up for the second time that morning, a blush on her cheeks. Levi did the same and they finally shut off the water. She couldn’t look at him, she felt bashful and she didn’t know why. As they left the shower and began to dress again, Mila noticed the Captain only had pants and a shirt to wear. No doubt there would be Scouts already out and about in the halls. Surely they would notice his unusual appearance. Levi always kept himself looking pristine. 

“Should I leave the room first?” she asked, still not able to look at his face.

“That would be most prudent,” he said, “I’ll follow shortly after you clear the hall.”

She nodded and moved to leave the room before she turned to face him, “Captain?”

“Brandt?” He said in response, a brow lifting quizically.

She wrung her hands and bit her lower lip, “Is this going to become a regular occurrence?”

“Do you want it to be?”

“You know how I feel about you Captain,” she said simply, “I’m just afraid.”

Levi sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “We both wanted this Brandt. We now have to suffer the consequences of tangling ourselves together. “

She nodded and looked down at the floor, “I suppose I should head out now.”

“There’s something else on your mind.” 

Now Mila knew he could read minds.

“I feel silly,” she said with an exasperated tone.

“About what?” he crossed his arms.

“About falling in love with my Captain,” she winced at the word love.

“As I said before, we’ve made our choice.”

“Does that mean...you love me too?” her voice was small and her question caught him by surprise.

“I thought you said you didn’t want to label this,” his tone was guarded.

Mila nodded and wrung her hands again, “You’re right, sir. I’ll take my leave now.”

As she left the room, Levi massaged his temples. What was he doing here? Now that his head has cleared from its lusty haze he was able to think about what this really meant. He’d made love...he stopped his thinking and backtracked. He’d had sex with his subordinate who was deeply in love with him. He wasn’t worth loving and yet here he was letting himself get carried away. He could disguise it under the guise of it being a way to blow off steam but he knew that was a flimsy excuse. He could love her, but that didn’t mean he should. She loved him, but she shouldn’t. He felt all mixed up inside and let out another deep sigh.

Mila entered the room once again taking him out of his thoughts, “It’s clear.”

He nodded and walked past her without so much as a second glance, “Get to work, Hanji will be wondering where you are.”

“Yes, sir,” she said, watching him leave.

Levi was able to make it to his room without encountering anyone. He sighed deeply as he closed the door behind him to dress in a fresh set of clothes. He looked at the clock on the wall and noticed he was four minutes late to start his day. He quickly dressed and left for his office. There was no time to wallow in his thoughts, there was too much to be done. Just as he entered his office, he was met with Hanji and her uncontrollable zest for being annoying.

“It’s about time you showed up,” she was as frantic as ever, she wasn’t even fully dressed. She wore her Scout jacket over her robe and house slippers.

“What is it?” he groaned “I haven’t even had a cup of tea yet.”

“I’ve just found out that the Walls are made from Titans,” she said simply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope the chapter is to your liking. Sorry it took so long. I've had a very rough few weeks. Hope you all are doing well and are safe and healthy.


	19. Chapter 19

It had been a couple of weeks since the Scouts were told about the Walls being made of Titans. Hanji was trying to help Eren train in a hardening technique to help mend Wall Maria, but it was proving difficult. On top of that, they’d been working non-stop trying to find out the origins of the Walls and what Krista Lenz, rather Historia Reiss an illegitimate daughter to the Reiss family, had to do with it. Hanji and Levi managed to “convince” a pastor at the Church named Nick to tell them something about what was going on. Pastor Nick, however, barely said anything about what the Church was hiding from the rest of its congregation. 

As all that was going on within the Walls, outside more and more Titans were appearing. Not only that, but there was a giant Titan, larger than the Colossal Titan that had been dubbed the Beast Titan. It had brown fur, long arms, and massive yellow eyes. It was hypothesized that it was directing Titan hordes to different villages outside Wall Sina. A small scouting group composed of Reiner, Bertholdt, Sasha, Conny, Ymir, and Historia, had spread out to go to their respective home towns to check up on them. They were instructed to bring any survivors back to an abandoned fort but they were the only ones to return, every town had been obliterated. It was revealed that Ymir had Titan powers after they had a run-in with the Beast Titan and his horde at the abandoned fort. 

Everyone was at a loss for words at this discovery, and tensions grew higher. Hanji and Erwin wondered if there were any more Titan shifters within their ranks or in other factions of the military. Ymir didn’t seem to have any ill intent towards humanity, just like Eren. She didn’t seem to have a care for it either, however, and that bothered Erwin. They kept a close eye on Historia, Eren, Ymir, making sure to triple security around them and Pastor Nick. The Scout leaders were confident they were close to all the answers they were looking for. Whatever the Church hid, and the answers in Eren’s basement would reveal everything, but they needed to keep them safe.

Mila had returned to HQ after running another bout of “paperwork” to the Palace of the King. She was relegated to intelligence missions within the Walls. She learned the MPs were cracking down on security around the Church and the Palace. They didn’t like what the Scouts were doing or discovering, and that excited Mila. If they were hiding something, that meant that Erwin was getting closer to answers. She dismounted and all but ran back to his office to find him and the rest of the leaders engaged in a discussion.

“If we don’t do something now, they’re going to kill him,” Hanji said, her voice had a tinge of hysteria to it.

“They’ve threatened to kidnap Historia as well, Erwin,” Levi’s voice had an urgency to it that Mila had grown accustomed to. 

Mila cleared her throat and saluted awkwardly, “Sir, I’ve returned with news.”

The room silenced and stared at her, “More and more MP troops are surrounding HQ as we speak.”

“Anything regarding Pastor Nick or Historia?” Erwin asked. He looked tired as he had dark circles under his eyes.

Mila shook her head, “Just the usual chatter about Hanji getting her nose where it doesn’t belong. The only thing of note is that they’re moving a noble by the name of Reiss tonight to an undisclosed location.”

“Historia’s father maybe?” Erwin mused aloud, he turned to face the window with his hands behind his back, “Mila, Levi, tonight you two will stay here and keep a watch on Historia and the Pastor. Hanji and I will be trying to find out who the noble is. Good work Mila.”

She nodded and saluted again, “Sir.”

She looked at Levi. His mouth softened a little bit at Erwin’s orders, but his eyes still looked troubled. It had been a while since Mila and the Captain had another rendezvous. Everything blew up after the capture of Annie Leonhart, and they’d hardly had any private time together. When they were alone, they were too tired to do anything but talk. Even then, Mila did all the talking while the Captain listened. She found herself telling him about Silas, her brother, and about what her family was like. She told him about her aspirations to get outside the Walls and taste freedom. He never said anything back, he just stayed silent and listened. 

Mila barely knew anything about the man she loved so deeply, but she knew that he at least liked her. For now, that was enough. She didn’t need to know what his favorite tea was, or what his childhood was like. All she needed was to be near him, and she felt whole. Now was not the time for courting, but she did feel like she wanted to know more about him. She spilled out her whole life story to him and he didn’t seem to mind. It felt like she was giving a summary of her life. She wanted someone to know about Silas, about his aspirations to leave the Walls, and fulfill them if she couldn’t. Who better to do that than the Captain who had survived countless battles?

That night, Mila and Levi sat at a table in the hall just outside Historia and Pastor Nick’s quarters. They shared a fresh pot of black tea and Mila had brought up some bread and cheese. She felt a small sense of happiness in her ability to share this moment with Captain Levi. It had been a while since the last time they were alone. Well, they were out in a hall where anyone could see them but still, she cherished it. 

“Why do you think Erwin is having us babysit?” Mila asked the Captain, taking a sip of scalding tea.

“Tch,” Levi scoffed and crossed his arms, “Hell if I know.”

They sat there in awkward silence for a few beats, each draining their cup of tea. Mila found herself fiddling with her hair, braiding it and undoing, then redoing it again. She didn’t know how to talk to him in such a public space. Sure, there was no one around right now, but anyone could pop in at any moment.

“It’s been cold the last few nights,” Mila said, she immediately wished she had kept her mouth shut.

“Just talk, Brandt,” Levi rolled his eyes, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

Mila bit her lower lip and looked away, “Okay...well, I was wondering...have you ever thought about marriage?”

She didn’t know where the question came from, and seemed to be an awfully personal topic. She stared down at the table in front of them, wishing she had said nothing at all.

“There’s no reason to think of such things,” he said simply, Mila looked up to see him staring her down.

“Suppose there was a reason,” she countered, “Would you ever want to?”

Levi kept looking at her with his intense gray gaze, “What would the reason be?”

“We destroy all the Titans,” she tossed her newly braided hair over her shoulder, “Humanity is free to roam outside the Walls. We don’t have to be soldiers anymore.”

Levi leaned back in his chair and sighed, “You really think that’ll happen in our lifetime?”

“Not mine,” she sighed, “Maybe yours, however. You are humanity’s greatest soldier.”

He scoffed again, he looked up at the ceiling, “No, I wouldn’t get married.”

Mila looked down in disappointment, “Oh.”

“Would you?” he asked.

“If we lived in the world I just described,” she smiled, “yes, I would.”

Levi cocked an eyebrow, “Don’t tell me you’d marry Horse Face? I’ve seen you flirting with him.”

Mila blushed and threw a piece of bread at him, “You’re not funny. Besides, he’s too young.”

“He’ll grow up,” Levi kept teasing her.

“I’m into older men.” She threw back.

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah.”

“Like who?”

“...you.”

He was silent again, shaking his head.

“Well, you asked...and you know how I feel about you, Captain.” Mila looked around them to make sure no one was listening.

“You shouldn’t want to marry a man like me.” He finally spoke.

“Why not?” She was getting annoyed at him.

“You just shouldn’t,” he said, his tone told her he didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

Mila ground her teeth and looked away, she played with a butter knife. Of course, she wanted to marry the Captain if they survived the war. Saying it out loud was stupid though, and she felt like an idiot for saying anything. Levi would never see her as anything more than someone to share his bed. She told herself she didn’t mind it, and she really didn’t. She was just trying to gauge if there was a possibility of having a future with him. 

“What’s your take on everything that’s happening, sir?” She decided to change the subject, the silence was deafening.

“Everything goes to the top,” he said, looking at her again.

“You mean the King?” she asked.

“Our world is built on a tomb of lies, Brandt,” he leaned forward, “Everything that we knew no longer holds true. The Church, the State...even the Military. It’s only a matter of time until we find out what’s in Eren’s basement and by that same token, what the Church is hiding.”

“What do you think they’re hiding?” 

“The truth about what’s outside those Walls and,” he paused to pour himself another cup of tea, “I’d stake my right arm to say they know the truth about those filthy Titans as well.”

He poured her fresh cup of tea as well and Mila looked down at her cup. She saw her reflection in the tea. She had her own ideas about who Historia really was, and often questioned the truthfulness of the powers above them. Mila often thought that the ones who truly held the power within the Walls were the Church and the MPs. The King had nothing to do with it, though she figured that was by design as well. Erwin never trusted anyone outside Hanji and Levi, not even the other Commanders of the other military factions. Mila took that as a sign that she should do the same. Erwin had never steered them wrong.

“Why did want to talk about marriage?” he asked.

Mila choked on the tea she was sipping and tried to clear her throat, “J-Just a question.”

“Remember that you were the one who didn’t want to define this.” he sounded a little sour, Mila didn’t know why he brought it up again.

“It seems like I struck a nerve.” She set down her cup and cradled her chin on her hands, “Is there something bothering you?”

Levi looked at her then crossed his arms again, “I just want to know why you were taking back your original statement.”

“I didn’t take back my original statement,” she was pissed now, “I was just asking a harmless question. If you’d like, I’ll keep my mouth shut for the rest of the night.”

Levi sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “Marriage isn’t something I would ever pick out for myself.”

“Let the record show that you’re the one who brought it up again, not me.”

“Will you just listen?” his voice was sharper than usual, it made a shiver go down Mila’s spine, “I think about you a lot since...well, since that day. We haven’t spent that much time together since, but that’s our lives right now. What I’m trying to say is that all I can tell you right now is that I’m thinking about you. Can you be satisfied with that for now?”

Mila bit her lower lip and blushed, “Captain--”

“Levi,” he corrected.

“Er...Levi,” Mila blushed harder, looking around to make sure they were still alone, “I’m sorry that I pushed you to talk about something you were uncomfortable with. I don’t know where it came from.”

“I’ll always forgive you,” he said, there was warmth in his voice, “I’ll just have to punish you for your insolence first.”

Mila shifted in her seat and squeezed her thighs together, “Anyway, how much longer do you think we’ll have to babysit Nick and Historia?”

“Mila,” his voice was serious again, “If everything goes to shit after today--”

“Stay by your side. I know, Captain.” She interrupted him quickly, still blushing, “What do you think is going to happen?”

“I’m serious Brandt,” his gray gaze seared into her soul, “If you want that future you talked about to come true, I need you to listen to what I’m saying.”

Mila felt her knees go weak as they so often do when she’s around him. He was affirming his feelings for her without saying anything. She didn’t need him to say the words out loud, this was enough. More than enough.

“Why are you saying all this?” she asked quietly.

“You never let me say anything about what I felt that day,” he was still staring at her, “I figured you would want to know.”

Mila stared back at him and felt her body lean forward over the table. She pressed a chaste kiss on his lips before sitting back down in her seat, feeling bashful.

“Sorry, that was stupid,” she started to say, “Someone could’ve se--”

Levi had leaned over the table to kiss her back, not caring if anyone saw them at the moment. He wasn’t good with words or talking about his feelings, but he knew that showing her how he felt was important. He didn’t know if he or she would survive the war, but he did know that if they did he didn’t want to be without her. He didn’t want to say all this to her, for fear of losing her but he was going to show her damn it.

Mila tried to pull back but his grip was too strong. At least, that’s what she told herself. She didn’t want to stop kissing him. She wanted to feel him for as long as she could. To know that he loved her too, even if he didn’t voice it. She didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, she didn’t want to think about it. All she wanted was to live in this moment right now. To show him she understood what he was saying, that she felt the same. 

If he didn’t care about being caught, neither did she. She tried to hide their relationship for his sake anyway, but he threw all caution to the wind. Mila would do the same, she always followed his lead. And she would follow his orders to make sure that the future they both wanted was a possibility. 

Levi pulled away just to have her stand up so he could pin her to the wall. He kissed her deeply and passionately, his hands gripped her waist tightly. Mila tangled her fingers into his hair as she so often did. Her heart was racing. No matter how many times she kissed him it always felt like the first time. His body was warm and hard in the best way. She couldn’t get enough.

“Levi,” she said between kisses, “I love you.”

“Mila,” he murmured, kissing her deeper than before.

Before she knew it, her pants were around her ankles and his member was inside her. He was thrusting into her with so much passion it took everything in Mila not to moan out his name.

“Someone might see us,” she managed to whisper as she buried her face in his neck.

He kept thrusting into her with no intention of stopping, “Then let them.”

This time their lovemaking felt different, instead of lust it felt pure. Like they were making a promise to each other about the future. Mila knew she loved Levi more than she could ever put into words. Levi knew he’d fallen hard for her as well, and wished he had the courage to say he loved her back. They both panted quietly, kissing each other hungrily. Mila nipped at Levi’s neck as he continued to pump into her needily, making sure she felt every stroke.

“I’m close,” he said through gritted teeth.

Mila felt the familiar knot of her orgasm in her lower abdomen tighten like it did when she was close, “Levi...please.”

With a final thrust, ropes of cum painted Mila’s insides. He felt her core pulse around him, milking out every drop. His body felt like it was on fire, and he kissed her hard. Mila kissed him back, telling him with every fiber of her being that she loved him. 

“If I die--” she started.

“Don’t finish that sentence,” he said, pressing his lips against hers harder, “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

Mila pulled away enough so her forehead rested against his, her green eyes bore into his gray ones, “If I die, don’t go back to how you used to be. Promise me.”

“Mila--”

“Promise me.” she was breathless, and she didn’t know where this was coming from but she didn’t care. 

He hesitated and kissed her again, “You’re not going to die, Mila. Not if you listen to me and stay by my side.”

Mila kissed him back, “Always.”

But she wasn’t so sure she could keep that promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end of the line here. Thank you all who have stuck with the story so far and have enjoyed it. Your Kudos and Comments have gotten me through a lot of writing slumps. I'm thankful for every single one of you. Hope you all are doing well and are safe and healthy.


	20. Chapter 20

“Up ahead!” Commander Erwin shouted, “Recover Eren and Ymir at all costs!”

“Roger!” The rest of the squad called out in unison. 

Mila looked around at the faces of her comrades. They were all that was left of the original Scouts. Mikasa. Armin. Sasha. Conny. Historia. Jean. Hanji. Captain Levi. She could feel a strange lightness in her limbs as if she wasn’t really there. It all felt like a dream. They’d done this before. Eren had been taken away by Annie and almost lost. Now they found themselves here at the forest of giant trees once again. This time they were after two more traitors: Reiner and Bertholdt. 

After all the discoveries the Scouts had made in the past few short weeks, this was the most heart-wrenching. Reiner and Eren’s Titan forms wrestled around for a good few minutes and seemed like Eren would have won if Bertholdt hadn’t turned as well. Eren had been outnumbered and overtaken. He was taken, along with Ymir when she’d tried to step in and help. Historia was hysterical, not only had she been betrayed but they had stolen her best friend.

Mila couldn’t imagine what the rest of the squad was thinking. The two young men had been like older brothers to them. They all looked up to them. To their expertise and strength. To be betrayed a second time by people they’d put their trust in. By comrades who they had fought beside. Who watched the same people die. Who pretended to share in their pain. When in fact they were the ones who brought such suffering to humanity for an unknown reason.

She thought about the last time she was here in the giant forest. Their old squad was obliterated, their blood probably still stained the forest floor. Who else’s blood would join theirs? Petra’s patch felt heavy in her breast pocket and she shot a glance at the Captain. He was as stoic as ever, but she knew what he was thinking. They were the same. Hoping against hope that no more blood would be spilled on that godforsaken forest ground.

“Signal flares!” The Commander boomed.

At this, they all aimed their flare guns up at the sherbert colored sky and fired black flares. A warning to their enemies that they were hot on their tail. The explosions, and the smell of fresh human flesh, stirred Titans that were no doubt surrounding the forest. They ran full tilt at the formation, two Variants leading the charge. 

“Variants!” Erwin shouted, “Brandt, Levi, take them down! The rest of you, follow me!”

They broke formation, their horses following Erwin’s around the swarm of Titans. Mila and the Captain looked at each other and nodded once. They were close enough now that they could deploy their anchors into the giant trees. Levi took off faster than Mila and took down a couple of the smaller, less threatening Titans. Mila followed in his wake, taking down smaller Titans as well. They cut their way towards the Variants who were following the formation too closely.

“Brandt! You go left!” Levi ordered, he glanced back at her, “Take down the smaller one!”

“Yes, sir!” she shouted out, taking down another 8-meter Titan.

Before they could strike, a familiar explosion shook the trees and earth around them. Mila and the Captain looked towards the horizon to see the Armored Titan retreating. 

“RECOVER THEM AT ONCE!” she heard Commander Erwin’s voice boom through the air. 

Forgetting the Variants, they whistled for their horses and mounted them. They would be able to outrun the two if they kept a fast pace. They rejoined the formation only to see that it had splintered once again. 

“Mikasa! Armin! Historia! Wait!” Hanji called out as the three of them booked their horses closer and closer to the muscular Titan. 

Mila watched as they made their way up the Titan’s shoulders. To her, it seemed like Armin was trying to talk to them. Armin was always trying to find a diplomatic solution to every problem they encountered. She admired the boy’s resourcefulness and intelligence but this was not the time. Another horde of Titans appeared in front of them, and Mila had to wonder where they were all coming from. 

In the distance, in the direction in which the Armored Titan was running, was a massive Titan covered in fur. 

“Captain!” her eyes were wide as she looked at the creature, “The Beast Titan!”

“Focus on recovering Eren and Ymir,” he said in a cold voice, “Don’t lose your head.”

A horse whinnying in pain and a crash grabbed her attention. She looked to her left and saw Commander Erwin being picked up by a Titan. Her blood went cold and she felt as if she was in slow motion. There was no way that the Scouts could succeed without the Commander. It was true that he used them all in his gambles, but most of the time they paid off. His brilliant mind couldn’t be lost to such a low-grade Titan. 

She turned around to look at Captain Levi and Hanji whose eyes were glued to the sight before them.

“GET EREN!” Commander Erwin screamed out as he tried to wrestle his arm out from the Titan’s maw, “GO!”

Mila saw as the Captain ground his teeth and turned away from the sight. There was another horde of Titans headed for them. Everyone here was a sitting duck, especially since they’ve left the forest far behind them. She was still stuck in a strange loop of time. Everything was moving slowly. Every sound muted. Her heart pounded in her ears as she looked back at Erwin. If she didn’t do anything, he would be devoured. 

She could hear a strange sound over her heartbeat. She realized it was Captain Levi yelling at her.

“--EED TO MOVE!” he boomed, “BRANDT! FOLLOW THE COMMANDER’S ORDERS!”

She looked into his gray eyes and ground her teeth, “Forgive me!”

She turned her horse towards the Titan’s trying to kill the Commander. She deployed her anchors, knowing all too well she was using way too much gas. She took down one Titan after the other, but it seemed like there were too many to count. She felt a wire of her ODM gear go taut. She looked to her left and saw a Variant from earlier, it had a skeletal face and no eyes grabbing at it. She looked down at the Commander’s face with horror.

He was shouting something at her that she couldn’t make out. She released the anchor from the nearby tree she was using but it was no use, the Variant had hold of her. It took her in its hand and stared down at her with those empty sockets. Mila struggled and tried to cut its fingers but it ignored her jabs as if she were no more than a pesky fly. 

“MILA!” she heard Levi’s anguished voice over the growls and grunts of the Titans. 

The Variant began crushing her in its hand as if savoring her death. Mila cried out in pain as her ribs and hips cracked from the pressure. She felt blood trickle down her lips onto her chest. Mila couldn’t feel her legs anymore, she didn’t know if she still had legs. She looked around wildly, looking for an escape. Catching a glimpse of the sky, she stilled. It was turning different shades of orange and pink. It was the kind of sunset she and Petra would sit out and watch until it disappeared below the horizon line. It was funny a feeling, being in a perilous position and completely forgetting about it.

She thought about her wedding day, how she would never see it. Mila had thought about marrying the Captain more than once since the last time they’d been together. He hadn’t made his intentions completely clear, but she knew that she had a chance to live that dream. He’d made love to her in a way he’d never done before. She’d never taste his lips again. Feel his warmth against her skin. She wouldn’t wake up next to him every morning and make him breakfast. Mila hoped that somehow she’d miraculously make it out of the situation she was in. That her Captain would save her before it was too late, but she knew it was futile. 

A harder squeeze took her out of her thoughts and more blood spewed out of her mouth. Her vision was blurry and her heartbeat sounded weak in her ears.

_ I’m going to die _ , she thought to herself,  _ I’m dying and there’s nothing I can do about it. _

A strange shout filled the afternoon sky with electricity. She looked down to see Eren, Historia, and the rest of the Scouts on the open field, crackling energy surrounding them. The shout was coming from Eren. It made every hair on Mila’s body stand up. She looked at the Beast Titan in the distance, the one directing hordes of Titans in their direction. She didn’t know if she was just woozy from blood loss, but she thought she saw fear on its face. 

She watched as the Armored Titan and the smaller Titan on its shoulders continued to run towards the Beast Titan. The hordes of Titans followed right behind them, leaving the Scouts alone. It was as if a miracle had been performed. 

The Variant’s grip on her slackened and she fell to the ground in a bloody heap. If her legs weren’t broken before, they were now. She felt the earth shake again and heard pounding footsteps move away from her. The Variant was leaving to join its brethren in their pursuit of the Armored Titan. Mila tried to shift to get a better look but couldn’t move her arms or legs. Her breaths were shallow. The hard earth felt cold against her cheek and her eyelids felt like they weighed a hundred pounds. 

“BRANDT!” she could hear Levi’s voice, though it sounded far away, “MILA!”

She felt his warm hands on her body, chasing away the cold numbness enveloping her. She was glad she hadn’t died yet. She wanted to see his face again, even though she knew it would be her last look.

“C-Captain,” her voice was raspy and she swallowed thickly, “m-my Captain.”

Levi looked down at her crumpled form he held so tenderly in his lap. He tried not to move her too much but he held her neck up so she could see him. Her green eyes and red hair looked dull. Half her face was covered in blood and he could see from her mishappen torso she had various broken bones. More than likely she was bleeding internally, he could tell from her shallow breaths.

“T-that b-bad?” he heard her whisper. 

He figured it showed in his face how bad she looked. It took everything in him not to show any emotion, “You’ve never looked better, Brandt.”

“M-Mila…” she coughed up more blood, and she felt him place a finger on her lips.

“Right, Mila,” his voice was thick with emotion he couldn’t hold back, “Don’t talk.”

“Is the...Commander a-alive?” another coughing fit escaped from her lips.

Levi tangled his fingers in her hair and caressed her face with his other hand, “Yes, but...that was stupid.”

She took another shallow breath, “Our...duty.”

Levi felt tears prick his eyes as he watched the woman he’d shared so much with beginning to drift away to a place he couldn’t follow. He leaned down kiss her forehead and felt a tear escape and fall onto her face. 

“Mila...I...I--”

“Sorry,” she managed to say.

“For what?” He kept cradling her, his face inches away from hers.

“For...leaving you,” she coughed again, “Thank you...for letting me love you.”

Levi could only hold her and cry silently as a small smile broke onto her face.

“I will...s-see you again,” she whispered and closed her eyes, “remember… your p-promise.”

The warmth left her body, along with her breath. He felt his shoulders shake as he held back sobs that threatened to wrack his body. He lowered his lips to her blood-soaked mouth and pressed a kiss against them. He didn’t care who saw them. He didn’t care if he got blood on himself. He knew he shouldn’t have shared himself with anyone but he didn’t regret it. In the short weeks leading up to now, he felt more human than he’d ever had. She’d shown him love and affection behind closed doors. Mila never asked him for more than he could give. He started to see what he had been missing. He was able to picture a future outside these walls. A life with her by his side and yet, he’d never even told her he loved her back. 

“Levi…” he heard Hanji’s voice behind him, “we need to go.”

Levi wiped his mouth of her blood and set her down gently. He placed her swords into her grasp and crossed them over her chest. Placing another kiss on her forehead, he let a final tear fall and composed himself.

“We can bury her at the cemetery,” Hanji said quietly.

Levi looked down at her one last time and cut off her Scout patch. It had drops of her blood on it. He felt the lump in his throat triple in size.

“This is how I’ll remember her,” he said, still gripping the patch, “Move out.”

…

Levi sat on the floor of his office, slumped up against the door. He had a bottle of whiskey in his hand but no matter how much he drank he could still see Mila’s face. He took another swig of the burning liquid and set the bottle down. He ran his hands through his black locks and felt tears stain his face. He couldn’t help it, last time he didn’t have to go through it alone. He’d let himself indulge in the greatest pleasures this world had to offer. He left his sorrows behind when she was in his arms. He would never taste her kisses or feel her warmth in his bed again. He wouldn’t see her smile at him or roll her eyes when she was annoyed. 

Most of all, he never got to tell her that he loved her. She said it to him every time they were together. She never forced him to say it back or asked them to define their relationship. He’d gotten comfortable with her, too comfortable. He shared everything with her. His past, his present. He’d grown to love her. In his most primal and secret fantasies, he imagined marrying her. He didn’t care that she was infertile and unable to bear him children he wanted to be with her for as long as he could.

Bitter sobs wracked his body and the room spun. He was drunk and depressed. He wished he had listened to Hani and brought Mila’s body back to be buried properly. If he had, he’d be able to visit and tell her how he really felt.

Taking another drink, he reached into his breast pocket. He looked down at Mila’s patch, noticing the small drops of blood on it. He kissed it and felt a fresh set of tears replace the ones from earlier. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you,” he whispered into it, “I...I wish I’d have told you while you were alive.”

He looked up at the ceiling, remembering that his mother had told them heaven was above them. Was she with the rest of the Squad right now? He hoped she wasn’t alone.

Still looking up, he spoke, “Mila, I lo…” he staggered to a standing position and bit his lower lip, “I....”

He couldn’t say the words, it felt wrong saying it to an empty room. Silent sobs escaped his body and he moved to lean against his desk, spilling what was left of the whiskey on the floor. He never thought that he would cry again. It had been years since he had and it tasted like Mila’s blood. He was a mess and he didn’t know how to get himself back together again. 

_ Promise me _ , he heard Mila’s voice in the stillness of his office.

He looked down at her patch again and gripped in his fist. Mila wasn’t the first to die, nor would she be the last but he could guarantee that her death would not be in vain. He could feel her fury through the patch in his hand. She would want her death to be avenged. 

Levi wiped away his tears and looked at his office. It was in shambles and he would be damned if he left it that way. He wouldn’t forget her, but he wouldn’t let her death break him. He’d gone through this many times before, and he’d always got back up. He would do the same now, and make this world a place worth living in. He’d do it until he saw his Squad again. Until he saw her again so he could tell her he loved her properly.

END

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait and if it seems rushed. As this is my first fic, I am so proud of myself for finishing it. It was hard and I know that the next one I write will be better and more thought out. Thank you for your support.


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